China Black? What happen?!

it's been a month since i've been posted to 2 SIR but still there's isn't anything much going on for us.. well my company at least. everyday its the same routine.. sleep - report at company line - eat - sleep - eat - sleep.. that's pretty much what i've been doing for this week.. our official appointment hasn't been confirm yet.. most probably it'll be another 2 weeks time. it's very mundane.. damn bored of my current lifestyle.. & this is something rare coming out of me. haha..

the wednesday's night i just had to book-out without permission. it's just to let myself loose for a while. i don't wanna die of boredom. eventually i ended up at china black.. it's been a long time since i went there & that night was supposedly a ladies night so i was expecting it to be alot of fun.. but maybe it just wasn't my night.. there were more guys than girls.. and there were aunties too! into their mid 50s i think.. what a turnoff!! i ended up buying alot of drinks to swing the mood back.. luckily the bartender was a friend of my friend.. so there were some discounts.. i managed to stay on till 4 plus in the morning & was just about to feel the kick but then my friends were getting sleepy.. & had to literally pull me away from the crowd.. sigh.. headed straight back to camp around 5 plus & i wasn't walking as straight as i wanted to.. i was a bit tipsy & somehow managed to get pass the camp guard! haha.. i got about an hour of sleep.. nap before i had to report back to my company line for the company turn-up audit. oh man.. i really a serious hangover.. eyes were very puffy & my body was shaking to some music although i was having a "temporary partially deaf symdrome..." hahaha... i must do this often!!

however next week the unit is having this exercise buckspeed- it's an outfield exercise which requires about 4 days. meaning we'll have to camp out & i'll be there as an observer again! sigh.. anyway that's pretty much the end of this post. a certain Jack Daniel's is waiting for me..cold & electrifying! ta-ta! haha

Apache!

having my off now since wednesday.. monday was the posting to my new company.. somehow or rather i got into alpha company or otherwise known as apache company. word got around that it was the worst company in 2 SIR but it turned out to the exact opposite. the CSM is slack.. very slack! woo hoo!! that means good news to me.. lolz. most of the secom there are regulars.. so most likely the new specs like me will just be their 2nd-In-Charge. tuesday & wednesday was outfield but no appointment was confirmed yet during that time so we were tasked as observers which means doing nothing at all.. it was pretty boring but its better than digging up our own grave.. haha.

upon reaching back to our company line.. we had a little brief with the CSM. it seems that he doesn't have a clue to what to do with us, the new specs. since the position of secom in the company is currently occupied. so me & another friend will be going thru the platoon sergeant course due in february for roughly about 2 months. for some of you guys who doesn't know what the course is... well.. fast forward.. i'll get a rise in rank after the course is completed.. hahaha.. but what it means to me is a roof top over my 3rd sergeant rank so as to withstand all the pressure from those senior in ranks. right now my rank is just collecting all the stress & responsiblities.. haha.. i've a feeling some of you who read this might not understand.. well too bad.. find out for yourself! haha..

zouk-out tmr night! ciao guys!

2 SIR - Second to None

okie now.. back to where i left off.. hmmm.. actually i came back from the overseas training weeks ago but i didn't really have time to update. basically the whole experience was very very tiring but meaningful. especially during the 4 days of R & R (rest & relaxation or recreation.. i forgot! haha) i kinda went over my budget.. spent around 1k sing dollars in just 4 days! i must make a note to never do that again! soon after i landed in Singapore, i had to book in the following sunday just so we can prepare for our graduation parade which didn't turn out too badly. lots of pics were taken & i'll post them asap.. well actually it depends whether i'm lazy or not. haha..

anyway i've got posted to 2 SIR which is situated in amoy quee camp. the camp itself is in a terrible state. it's somewhat rundown as it a very old camp. but i don't really mind cos to me any place other than tekong is better as it's closer to home. however as i'm in a unit, it means my sergeant rank don't really provide me with the same authority as in schools like bmtc or sispec. cos i've to do alot of outfield training & also try as much as i desire to, to achieve the unit's goal for glory. incidentally i've just completed my UIP (unit induction programme) set by the unit, which is supposed to help us settled in quickly by familiarizing ourselves with the unit. in my honest opinion.. i seriously don't feel motivated at all.. the unit seems tough & the targeted goals they set for us junior commander is very high, futhermore i feel that i've lost the spirit to go on my ns life going through outfield training. i'm sick of it, mentally & physically. but it seems that fate had already set this path for me so i'll just have to go thru it & hope that it won't be as bad as i've imagined.

regarding my life, it's currently inactive. i've just had my ears pierce well i think that's about the only interesting event that had taken place hmmmm... oh yah.. the NCC camp is also at the same camp as i am. in fact its just beside my unit. i ran past it numerous times this 2 weeks during the cadence run.. some of my friends got posted there. the job is basically slacking the whole day & they get to book out everyday cos it's based on office hours! less than 5 guys from my sispec course managed to be posted there! those damn bloody lucky bastards! it pisses me off when they complained how bored they are everyday doing nothing. sheesh! okay i'm signing off now. shall update whenever possible. ciao!

Bon Voyage!

hiya.. its been a really long time.. i've got posted to the same school but taking a different course as advanced section leaders, ASLC. i've been shoved into Golf Company this time round.. and this had been like a few months back. anyway i think my new coy. sucks big time. in terms of discipline, administration & organisation. the only thing they are good at is giving welfare, maybe too much welfare for me. its too slack.

in this new course, there's much more focus on outfield area. all the battle drills & doing all the live firing. it's so safe during all the live firing that it worries me. what should i do during a real battle? a real war? there's so much restriction given to the live firing! but then again safety is a big issue otherwise i might not be here typing all this shit.

anyway the fasting month has already started a couple of weeks back and i'm finding it a bit hard to actually fast when there's so much running scheduled in the programmed. initially we were just supposed to just run in the army-half-marathon held at the padang hmm.. last month i think. anyway it was before the fasting begun & it was only a 12 km run, but then they decided to make us run the 22 km graduation run which is actually a norm before we go for the overseas trip. so i just had to suck my thumb and go thru it which i had just recently completed the past wednesday, within 2 hours. ... i'm not sure whether its because my batch is the last batch to go thru sispec course in tekong (we are moving to pasir laba camp, which is soooo near my house!) and all the unlucky shit had to befall upon us. like we were supposed to stay over another camp in mainland which i heard to be luxurious compared to tekong but some artillery company or whatever shit had to occupy the slot and! we were made to book-in and book-out everyday, in-and-out of tekong just to do our training and we can't changed our venue of training as all the ammunition and food rations had already been indented and we weren't allowed to cancel. its actually pretty tiring waking up as early as 4 am and getting back to tekong by 10 at night. all the unneccesary shit and i've went thru it. in a months time i'll passed out and will be getting my sergeant rank! and most importantly.. a pay raise!

actually the main reason why i had to blog right now is because i'll be going over to taiwan in about 5 -6 hours time and therefore will not have any opportunity to blog for 3 weeks. in other words i'll also be fasting over there in taiwan for the remaining 2 weeks and the celebrating my hari raya over there in taiwan. sigh.. i'm so reluctant to go. but then again i also can't wait to experienced the outfield environment in taiwan. lolz.. hmm.. i think there's nothing more i wanna say. so i guess i'll be signing off now. happy deepavali and hari raya puasa in advanced!! ciao!

The best of you . . .

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SISPEC

time seems to pass by so fast. 10 weeks of BSLC (basic section leader course) at Alpha Coy in SISPEC is gonna be over soon. by next week i'll be passing out from the course again. within this period at my "new" coy may not be as memorable as those at bmt but still i've learnt alot of new stuffs; weapons such as SAW, LAW, MATADOR, SAR 21, M203, BANGALORE, CLAYMORE MINE; lots of live firing & section live firing; plenty of "jungle" training plus chemical defence; & incredibly alot of running - 4km, 5km, 6km, 7km.. hmm.. there maybe some exercise which i might have missed out. haha.. anyway the previous week i'd just completed the digging of trenches which is so called the most tiring part of BSLC, but i don't really think so.. well.. maybe there's this freaking large rock which i had to dig out & also the humongous roots.. haha.. okay it was pretty tiring & everyone's morale was damn low cos they were dripping wet from their perspire-soaked uniform. the following last week is rather slack though, cleaning of all the arms, 16 km route march, combat training, physical training lectures & the graduation 32 km route march! oh.. i almost forgot about the 2nd happy hour we're gonna get back at my company line which involves lots of eating & lots of duty-free beer! lolz!! the last happy hour i drank 10 consecutive shots! gonna improve on that count soon.. lolz!!

the best thing about being so called promoted from the "recruit" status to any other rank is that we are able to book-in & book-out in civilian clothing! haha.

that summarizes the whole of my absent in my blog. seems rather short huh? so maybe i'll update more next week regarding my new posting. next week will also be the end of my private status cos i'll be upgrading to corporal! lolz!!! ciao!!

it's been a long time since i last logged into bloggers. well..i don't really feel like updating now.. hahaha.. next time maybe. ciao!

its really a waste of time going for for my medical at the aeromedical centre, plus its located at some ulu place in paya lebar. now i'll need to go for my third medical review on friday. sigh.. i hope to get it over & done with so they can process my application sooner.

few more days & i'll be booking in to tekong again! argh.. i hate that place. when my posting got out, i wasn't sure whether to feel happy or sad. happy cos i'll be together with most of my buddy in tekong. sad cos.. i'll be in tekong! so i was planning to get an mc just so i'll have few more days off. however thinking about it again, i'll miss most of the admin stuff & when i eventually get back, i'll be busy since i need to rush my admin stuff while the rest of the company slack. so i decided not to get an mc, but coincidentally yesterday i fell sick with the normal cough, flu & fever! argh.. hopefully i'll get better before i book in. cos being sick whilst in tekong is a terrible feeling cos we can never recover properly there. sigh..

alright then, i'll be signing off now. gotta take my medicine & rest early. ciao!

3 months of memories

Bernice Outing







Times in Tekong









Siloso Beach Outing

Passing Out Parade! pop lor!!!

i'm back! (for now..) lolz.. the past one month had been very tiring so that's why i hadn't been bloggin'. or otherwise you might say that i've been too lazy to type. haha.. anyway i've just passed out of bmt exactly a week ago. it wasn't as tearful as some of my friends had told me. it was mainly shagged to the bones for me. cos we rehearsed the whole damn parade for like 5-7 times? plus the damn school 2 officer who was in charge of the parade rehearsal. he likes to repeat himself in an irritating way while we stood on the parade ground waiting to just carry on with the rehearsal. on top of that, we had to perform the "lion roar", which is somewhat like a dance movement, before we throw our jockey caps in the air. right now i'm waiting for my posting which will be out this coming friday. 12 days of rest doesn't seem enough.. next week the torture & the shouting of commands will resume.. sigh.

now i'll summarize all that had happen after my field camp.the sit test which i was supposed to go thru didn't happened for me as i lack of route march mileage which is a criteria in order for me to go thru the 12 click route march to the camp site. so what i did during the 3 days was somewhat like the job of a store man, moving stuffs in & out of the 5-tonner, cleaning the area & all the stupid shit. however we were allowed to sleep in our bunks & more importantly bathe! haha.. of course we got that after much pleading to the sergeant major. lolz!!

the following week we had the live grenade throw. i burnt my finger after throwing the dummy grenade. i didn't realise that the metal inside to be so fucking hot. but throwing the actual grenade was extremely fun! the feeling of the ground trembling beneath me & the cloud of smoke hovering the area which the grenade landed. it was orgas!

anyway me & the rest of the guys who didn't do the sit test were attached to pegasus company soon after to finish up the sit test. i think i did quite well on the 2nd day onwards cos the 1st day i was only getting to know the guys in my section. the test wasn't as tough as i had imagined but the memorable incident was the so called 4 click fast march. as the sergeant leading the way made a wrong turn, the guys from ulysses ended up doing a 7 click run with our webbings & personal equipments. argh!

next that i did was the live range. i hit 28 out 32 shots & was awarded a marksmanship title & also an extra day leave! woo hoo!! lolz.. the live range itself took 2 whole day which last from morning to night. as there's daytime shooting & night time shooting. time seems to have slowed down over there as there was nothing else that we can do other than waiting for our turn. but of course we can take a nap but i wasn't able to sleep for that long so i just sat there looking at the clouds.. of smoke which i puffed out. haha..

the 2-3 weeks after was like a leisure time for us. we had a OC (officer-in-charge)night, recruit's night or CO night & the games day. i took part in the games day in the tug-of-war event but ended up losing in the 2nd round to the eventually winners from whiskey. they are a bunch of bloody big pes C guys. we manage to hold for 5 mins but somehow there was a mix up in instruction & lost our focus. damn it! if we had won, i could have gotten another extra day leave. haha..

the dreaded SOC (standard obstacle course) was held the week after. i managed to complete the whole obstacle but didn't do so well on the timing. maybe because i took my time before each obstacle.. haha.. can't really blame me cos it was my first time doing the whole thing as i had missed the lesson due to some reason & because of that i didn't expect to be so tired when i reach the first obstacle after the 700 metres run down. oh well.. i think i'll have plenty of opportunities to improve myself in the future.

finally we had our arduous 24 click route march. i think its something like walking from one end of Singapore to the other end. it was really all that tiring but it was painful walking with all the blisters on both feet. sometimes i hop to move forward & sometimes i was limping like an elderly as i try walking on the sides of my feet. haha.. but the atmostphere was great as the route march was conducted on a school level led by the CO of school 2(i'm not sure what CO stands for but its something like being in charge of school 2), meaning the entire of school 2 was doing the march together! try imagine that plus all the singin that we did.

basically that was what i did during my days in bmt. haha.. all the fond memories, all the pumping & all the rules that we broke! lolz..

back from field camp on friday.. book back in on saturday.. book out again on sunday.. & i'll be bookin' back in later at 7. why does it seem like i've nothing better to do? because i'd to serve my confinement on sunday. did something against the rules of my company. haha.. bleahz..

field camp was very very tiring. was feeling shag everyday, esp the last 2 days. but it was fun! all the bonding my platoon shared including with all the sergeants. i didn't feel too well throughout the 1 week of field camp since i hadn't recovered fully from my high fever. my body shut down by itself a couple of times. my breathing just stopped when i use my body to the limit. mind over body? no such thing however. maybe my mind was too weak. well.. at least i managed to complete my field camp.

coming up next will be my sit test. it will take up 3 days in the outfield. just like field camp but this test will determine our leadership abilities. right now i don't have the mood for it. damn mood swings. hopefully i can pull it off.

the month of may.. full of birthdays.. so a happy birthday to all whose was born on this month. plus i'm missing alot of people.. sigh.. it's better for me to be shag. alright gonna rest now. ciao.

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to call my phone, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely

hehe.. wonder why i'm blogging? cos i went to see the doctor yesterday for a check up on my condition. anyway the medication from the army doesn't seem to work on me & asked for a mc just in case. oh boy, am i glad i asked for it. cos this morning, my fever came back & i started to vomit. took the new medication & i feel good now! hahaha.. i'm good to go now! ready for the field camp!

so in all i had 3 days of much needed rest. hmmm.. but actually i only need it while i was sick, once i'd recovered, i kinda missed tekong! lolz.. it's true. i miss all the training & i can't wait to book in tmr! anyway i was supposed to have my officer interview this morning sigh.. i hope they can make another arrangement for me.

hmmm.. eh.. nothing else to say. hehe.. ciao!

i'm back at home.. why? cos i went AWOL! haha.. just kidding. actually i was sent back home yesterday by the medical officer in tekong. apparently i had a very high fever, 39.8 deg. anyway if it weren't for the constant nagging from my friends, i wouldn't have seek treatment. i finally budge when my temperature hit 39.0 deg.. by then it was already 9 at night & there wasn't a chance i could have made the last fastdraft home, so i had to stay in at the sick bay overnight.

hmmm.. i'm still feeling sick so i'll just cut short..

will be booking in later at 0730 hrs.. & was informed that i'll have an interview for the officer position tmr at 8. hmm.. i feel so weak now & i'm not sure if i can do well tmr. anyway, what's more important is whether i can survive the field camp this coming saturday with my current condition. sigh.. alright gotta rest now. ciao.

don't feel like booking in.. hmm.. but no choice. good thing about ns is that i've cut down on smoking.. haha.. from a pack a day to a pack per week! even when i book out, i don't feel like smoking. except when i'm with my friends. right now i only wanna sleep but i can't cos i'll have to go to beach road to purchase stuffs for the field camp. anyway even if i sleep, i'll wake up in a couple of hours cos i'm too used to sleeping for short periods in tekong. however i feel too lethargic to get my ass off the house... hmm.. am i talking rubbish? eh whatever.. bleahz

i've thought of a new tattoo. it's small & it represent an ending of a chapter. but i don't have the time to do it plus i've not thought of a position on my body to place it. hmm.. but most probably i'll have it done after i pass-out from bmt, during the 1 week break.

anyway i only wanna wish an early happy birthday to my friend. take care always. cherios!

finally get to rest.. even though its just 2 short days.. it's better than nothing. was really shagged when i reached home earlier, slept the whole day trying to get plenty of rest. doing guard duty was rather fun due to the extra freedom that we get. no restriction to the amount of cigarettes, & prowling around bmtc as we get to familiarize with the place. but its very tiring at the end of it. i managed 6 rounds around bmtc ~ roughly around 16 to 17 km. each detail will prowl 2 rounds for 2 hours & rest for 4 hours. so i did 3 sets of those. actually i was supposed to prowl the last 2 rounds which was around 4 in the morning but my buddy & me swapped with the guys doing the sentry duty as they wanted to get a chance to prowl. i was more than happy to acknowledge them cos i was very shagged & sleepy at that time. sentry duty is to just stand at the arrival gate but since no fastdraft will come at that time of the night, the sergeant-in-charge told us to just sit down.. well.. i fell asleep.. haha..

not getting enough rest due to guard duty, my cough worsened. i didn't report sick as they will give us 2 days of light duties. meaning i'll have to do all the stupid stuffs such as cleaning the company or carry some stuffs while those fighting fit recruits do their training. if there's really nothing for us to do then we'll just sit down in a corner waiting for the training to end. & that is extreme boredom. so i cough non-stop throughout the week, causing lack of sleep & bloodshot eye in the morning. but i don't really care much..

1st week of bmt, i had my first IFC (individual field craft) training. my first lesson was to camouflage myself. applying the facial camou cream was fun the first time, but applying & removing the cream numerous time felt really uncomfortable. then we had to stuff on our uniform to cover up the outline of our body. the first try i opted for long grasses & i end up with deep cuts on my fingers totalling up to 20 cuts on my left fingers alone. the 2nd try i decided to use ferns. this time i managed to cover up myself fully. but since i was the only guy to use excesive ferns to cover up compared to the rest, the instructor called me fern-guy.. duh! another recruit placed 2 large leaf on his back & they called him fairy.. cos it looks like wings. haha..

next week i'll be having my first field camp starting on saturday till friday. meaning it'll be another confinement for 2 weeks.. its gonna be very tiring.. hopefully it'll be fun.

1 month plus had alredy passed.. it seems so fast. soon i'll pass-out from bmt. hopefully i'll get the posting that i want. & recently a career talk from the army came by for a talk. i applied for an officer role in guards. not sure if i can get in. i'm just trying my luck.. haha.. but i really get it then i'll be busy & won't have much time for civilian life.. hmm...

okie i'm gonna rest now & watch tv.. so see ya around in 2 weeks time. ciao!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'll be there for you

These five words I swear to you

When you breathe I want to be the air for you

I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you

Steal the sun from the sky for you

Words can't say what a love can do

I'll be there for you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Guard Duty

getting sick in tekong doesn't feels good since we aren't able to sleep in & get enough rest. & as if that isn't bad enough, i've only have a few hours to enjoy back in mainland cos i've got to book back in later at 9 since i was "selected" to do guard duties. actually we had to draw lots, so together with 4 more others, we happen to have the unfortunate luck of being the odds ones. sigh.. i was looking forward to get some good rest this weekend. my joints are aching.. but now i'll just have to suck my thumb & do my duties..

nothing more to say now.. see ya next weekend.. ciao

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano

Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don't know

'Cause a bottle of vodka is still lodged in my head

And some blond gave me nightmares

I think she's still in my bed

As I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead

With an ironclad fist I wake up and french kiss the morning

While some marching band keeps its own beat in my head

While we're talking

About all of the things that I long to believe

About love and the truth and what you mean to me

And the truth is baby you're all that I need

I want to lay you on a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails

I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is

And lay you down on bed of roses

Well I'm so far away

That each step that I take is on my way home

A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night

Just to see through this payphone

Still I run out of time

Or it's hard to get through

Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you

I'll just close my eyes and whisper, baby blind love is true

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails

I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is

And lay you down on bed of roses

The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry

The barkeeper's wig's crooked

And she's giving me the eye

I might have said yeah

But I laughed so hard I think I died

When you close your eyes

Know I'll be thinking about you

While my mistress she calls me

To stand in her spotlight again
Tonight I won't be alone

But you know that don't

Mean I'm not lonely

I've got nothing to prove

For it's you that I'd die to defend

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails

I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is

And lay you down on bed of roses

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

it seems that whenever i book out, i'll definately get sick. last week was high fever, this week i had heavy cough plus flu. my body seems to be indicating to me that i should stay in tekong, cause i've was never sick during my time there. haha.. i don't really mind actually.. staying there isn't really that bad.. haha..

my 2nd book out was in such a rush that i forgot to bring my house keys with me.. so i had to travel down to my mum's workplace & get the keys from her.. with my dirty & wet & not to mention heavy laundries in my field pack. it was very troublesome.

well.. i really have nothing much to blog about.. will be booking in later in the evening.. so i wanna get some rest now.. so i'm signing off for now..

back from tekong temporarily & i'm darker than ever. i was shocked how dark i was when i look at the mirror in my room. anyway, life in army is kinda slack. the training was alright. unsuprisingly smoking is limited even though i'm appointed as the smoking i/c. the smokers in my platoon even painted a table & a bench just to earn an extra smoke. but i must admit that we did a really good job. haha.. i was initally looking forward to losing weight but instead, i've gain a few kilos.. maybe its the extra added muscles. i've also joined the drill squad. hopefully i'm good enough to represent my company for the competition. plus i've heard that my company, Ulysses coy has always excelled in drill competion. had my first drill training on bookout day, & i managed to soak my shirt with my sweat thoroughly. haha.. i've never perspire so much during all the other training, even when i ran more than 8 laps on the track.

didn't encounter any beings from below. although my platoon mates has. it spooked me a bit.. well alot actually. so paranoid that i slept on the floor away from the windows. woke up the next morning with tonnes of aches on my body. since i had been unfortunate at not encountering any spirits, me & some of my mates decided to spook the others by doing a "make-over" on my of my mate & going from bunk to bunk scaring the others. but i was really shagged that night so i fell asleep instead of staying up. so they turned on me. my mate sat on bed with all the white powder & a bedsheet over him. haha.. he was the ugliest "ghost" i've ever seen. so i just gave him a hard whack & continue sleeping.

didn't really went out today cos i wanted to rest, anyway i was burning with high fever. hmm.. nothing else to write now.. so cya around.

i'm off..

maybe i'm just too nervous about this coming saturday but that's just immpossible. anyway that still doesn't explain how i could light up the wrong end of a cigarette.. twice! cigarettes are expensive these days.. tsk.. what a waste! hmm.. i might be day-dreaming then.. & that's something i shouldn't do while i'm at tekong. hehe.. otherwise it spells more punishment.. geez.. i just can't wait!

my bag is fully packed except for undies.. haha.. unfortunately they don't allow boxers.. i've not worn one since my primary school days.. hmm.. it's gonna get awfully uncomfortable.. hehehe.. it's just so tight!

man utd match is coming up later.. i hope they can pull off a miracle & win at san siro. it would be the best farewell gift! lolz.. well.. 2nd best gift.. anyway i should get some sleep now.. ciao!

yawn.. i'm so sleepy.. just woke up & i'm bored instantly. feeling so lethargic. haha..

hmm.. today is monday right? so it's 5 more days. already packed most of the stuffs except toiletries. & my friends told me to bring 10-15 hangars! whoa.. that's a lot! but i'll only be bringing 5.. its the biggest bag that i have & it's almost full.. i kept on thinking that i've missed out something. well.. the heck with it.

called up the tattoo shop to make my final appoinment. but guess what? it's fully booked throughout this whole week! argh! so i'm guessing that i'll just make one after i booked out. i hope i have the free time.. my friends have already booked me.. & i think my mum will want me to do something around the house..

still feeling sleepy.. zzzz.. i think i'll hit the bed again. hahaha.. ciao

knowing that most of my friends, including some girls, who had already went for NS & some even had ord from it really made me feel so left out. i'm like so lagging.. but then again, i'm already sick of it even before i serve my time. everytime i went out with my NS friends, all they do is talk about their army or police experiences or whatever. i manage to understand some of the stuffs they talk about but most of the time, i'm left hanging.. wondering what the heck they are talking about. haha.. i'm tired of hearing the same shit from different groups of friends. sigh.. i wanna go in right now! the anxiety is killing me. i wanna taste the torture personally. haha..

i've concluded that i feel more at ease with having relationship with chinese girls. sigh.. this is so perplexing. i'm expect loads of hardship. i don't understand why i can't click well with my own race other than being friends. i don't dare to think how my family life would be in the future. maybe i'll be a bachelor for the remaining of my life.. hmm.. it'll be very lonely.. =(

maybe i should just concentrate on my career for the future. or just donate my little ones to the bank to continue on my heritage! lolz.. oh well.. whatever.. signing off now..

apart from biting my own tongue, until it bled, from eating chips & accidentally "drinking" prickly heat powder, mistook it for my green tea, nothing interesting happen today. well i did keep away from smoking for 24 long long hours yesterday. but i'm back to smoking today. haha.. i am trying to cut down slowly.. hmm.. less than 2 weeks before i head off to tekong & i've packed my bag pack! haha.. i'm good to go! just can't wait.. however, the only preparation i've done thus far is cutting down on my tobacco intake.. maybe i should get my fitness level up? nah.. can't be bothered.. but i am gaining weight.. sigh..

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Gemini - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go.
You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire.
You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you.

Your negative traits:

You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person.
You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships.
Not the most emphathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems.

Your ideal partner:

Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested.
Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave.
An open minded person, who's willling to have a non-traditional relationship.

Your dating style:

Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy.

Your seduction style:

Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice.
Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet.
Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing.

Tips for the future:

Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast.
Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can.
Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time

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i'm bored..

Life Is (still) Beautiful

even with all the downs..

finally realized it after 6 months? & also after two hours of bad luck suffered. haha.. it was just crazy. maybe someone out there had place a curse on me. i accidentally knocked my head against the wall, trip over the side of the bed, spilled my green tea on the floor, had my fingers slammed with the doors, spilled hot water on my arm, had my finger hurt by my PC (i somehow got my finger jammed) & finally my body, except for my thing, was overwhelmed by rashes.. i knew i should have bathe! haha.. it was a miserable two hours for me.. so i decided to sleep through it. either my brain had stop functioning causing me to self-inflict all the shit or some crazy bitch/bastard did some hocus pocus voodoo on me. but amazingly when i woke up, i felt happy out of the blue. it was just relaxing.. i hope this isn't some mental issue though. hehe..

i think i'm gonna stop now, the rashes are killing me. i've used up one whole tube of ointment. sheesh! but it's still so itchy..

man utd lost.. milan looked like the better team but man utd had the better chances. but at least i'm contend that they didn't lose as badly as arsenal did. hahaha..

looking back at my previous entries, i realized that i made alot of typos. kinda embarrassing.. hmm.. maybe i should stop typing so much. that will minimise the typos. hehe.. but then again, who really reads my entries? & does anyone visits my blog, apart from me, for that matter?? my tagboard hasn't had much activity! so i assume no one comes to this lonely blog.. well.. it's just the way i like it! haha.. cos i'm pretty much entertaining myself by blogging. reading thru my entries whenever i'm bored.. it's sometimes suprising to find out all the rubbish i've been blabbering about. haha.. just like what i'm doing now. typing down anything i'm thinking instantly.. i'm so lonely.. & lame.. oh yes i am..

nowadays i can't go anywhere without my cigarettes & my cough drop. haha.. they come together in pairs. & if you ever caught me with tears rolling down my cheek, don't be mistaken. i'm not sad, most probably i've just had a bad cough.. yeah it happens frequently. & i'm starting to cough out these clear slimy liquid.. is it phlegm? i'm not sure. but its sure is disgusting. my immune system is deteriorating. it used to be so good, maybe i'm really getting old. sigh..

ok.. now my mind is a complete mess.. everything is whirling in my head.. so that means i'm stopping now. so long.

have no clue why i'm bloggin. feeling so damn tired now.. you know.. i'm getting old.. i'm so sleepy but i'm a bloodied shirt & a bloodied back & i've not bathe yet. don't feel like it cos i know i'll feel refresh afterwards. & will probbaly stay up all night staring at the four walls, the ceiling & the floor. staring myself silly until i get sleepy. yeah that sounds lame but i'm lame so it isn't suprising huh?

some interesting things that i can blog about is well.. hmm.. okay.. my trusted tatto artist / buddy gave me a large pat on my back. a few minutes after he did the touch-up! ouch! what the heck were you thinking? alright alright.. so it didn't really hurt that much.. i was play acting.. but it was fun watching you being reprimanded by your boss! hahaha.. sorry dude. so the pat was like a gesture upon completing my first tattoo? well.. finally! duh.. its been like ermm.. couple of months? well okay.. i did missed out a few appointments due to hangovers & oversleeping.. haha.. so when will the tattoo on my arm is gonna be completed? i'm going to tekong on the 12th of march dude.. 2 more weeks!

was kinda shagged when i reached home earlier.. lack of sleep i guess.. haha.. i did the most stupidiest thing. using my ez link, i was trying to open the frontdoor! haha.. i wasn't even drunk or anything.. lame right? i even held the card at the keyhole & wondering why it wouldn't beep. my brain is officially down people.

oklah.. i think i'm gonna bathe now. maybe after a puff. ciao!

i feel like an outcast today.. hmm.. watever. just can't wait to get into tekong. i might get thrashed there but at least it'll keep me occupied.

blah blah blah.. dunno what to say..

oh yah.. i coughed out blood today.. hmm.. no biggie right? i meant it's not a big deal right?

tataz now..

when i was younger, ahem! back in secondary school, i always wanted to look older so that i can buy cigarettes without gettin' caught or asked for my I.C. but after two incidents today, i really wished i could look younger. well, lookin like someone of my age. early afternoon, i was buyin a packet of cigarettes & i was asked for my I.C. sounds good eh? but then the cashiers disputed about my age. one said that i looked old enough so why bother to asked for my I.C. & there i was standing right infront of them.. i was like.. "okay.." nonetheless i showed them my I.C. & they were like.. "oh god! you're only 20.." another cashier said.. ".. you look like you're 24-26.." i mean come on.. do i really look that old?! sigh.. by the way, they are all females, otherwise it would be kinda weird for them to saying such stuffs to me.. & there's a price hike as well.. marlboro now cost $11.. sheesh!

another incident took place when i was on my way home.. i didn't feel too well so i decided to drop off at jurong east & took a cab there. in the cab, the driver was asking me for directions & guess what he called me?? "ah.. uncle ah.." i was really controlling myself then. what the fuck are you addressing me by? the driver was like in his late 40s & he dared to call me uncle??!! that's too much of an exaggeration! i don't mind if a small cute kid had called me uncle.. but he was twice my age! argh..!!

hmm.. i was kinda being long-winded.. sigh.. i'm feeling very very old right this moment.. not to mention the sore back i'm having now.. walking around the house ever so gingerly.. you guys can start calling me old man dham.. i'm accept the fate.. sigh..

caught constantine again earlier.. wasn't too busy coughin this time around, so i managed to catch the few scenes which i had missed out. i really feel like i should quit smoking once & for all. in my mind right now is a scene of me having cancer.. just like john & my late father. consumed 30 sticks for today alone. but i still don't think i'm addicted to it. just to be on the safe side though. since i've been coughin for 2 weeks straight even after i'd finished my medication. i do fear for my life no matter the number of times i felt, wanting to be dead. there's still so much i can do in my future, so much i can contribute.. i think.. hmm.. hopefully. cos right now, my future looks very bleak. i feel like i've just reached the end of the road. although there's still a matter of national service i need to carry out for 2 years, i'm stuck as to what i should do after that. should i try to work for the very first time in my life? or should i continue my studies? if i get myself a job, it might not neccesary have to do with my diploma, then why the heck did i wasted the years at poly for? if i pursue my education, i fear job opportunities might be slimmer by the time i complete my studies. sigh.. headache.. stressed.. unfortunately life goes on, it won't wait for me to make a decision. time is indeed precious. crap!

i guess i'll be stopping here for now.. after all the shit i've talked about wanting to quit smoking, it's real funny that i'm smoking while typing about it.. haha.. on with my 2nd stick now.. what a dofus i am!! 'till here then. ciao.

hmmm.. i suddenly felt like bloggin' but my mind is a complete blank! what shall i write about? hmmm.. okay.. in 3 weeks time i'l be headin to tekong for my government service. haha.. finally man.. had been waitin' since august last year. now, i really can't wait to get in! give me all the chores, all the trainin', all the punishment. i don't care about all that right now. i'll complain later. haha.. & i've persuaded my mum not to accompany me there cos if she does so, then she'll have to head back to singapore on the ferry alone. what sucks is that i'll have to report at tekong at 0830 hrs in the morning! meanin' i'll have to catch the transport at pasir ris around 0730 hrs! its totally crap man.. i live on the other end of singapore! plus, i'll have to try waking up at 0600 hrs instead of sleeping at 0600 hrs.. hehe.. my sleeping hours are so whacked up eversince i've graduated. i wonder how my NS life is gonna be? i'll probably suffer alot, get a whole lot darker & maybe turn gay?? well, hopefully not. haha.. it'll be such a waste.

hmmm.. alright i think i'll shall turn in early now. gotta wake up early tmr.. ciao.

updating my blog is such a rarity these days & it will be an even unlikely for me to blog after my enlistment to tekong. anyway there's nothing much i could think of for me to blog.. since my daily life is a scheduled routine. watched constantine during the weekend & both of us have a thing in common. both of us started smokin about the same age, john started at 15 & me 14, haha.. but he certainly smokes more than me! i only manage 20 plus sticks.. & the more i try to cut down, the more i'll smoke the next day! i'm not so fortunate to have the tars removed from within me like john is.. so i'll probably pass on early, may it be a descend to a lower or upper level. i don't care..

i'm getting sick at least once every month. a bad start to the new year. have been coughing heavily since monday & decided not to visit the doctor until each cough caused me abdominal pains. so i forced my sorry ass to my favourite clinic opposite my blk. haha.. it's my favourite cos it's like a man utd fanbase! haha.. poster upon poster related to man utd is pasted on every wall space. it's a bit crazy coming from a clinic but i love it! no complains.. haha..

the derby has started so i'm signin off now.. ciao!

hadn't been blogging for a long long while as i was rather "busy" & also lazy at times.. gosh! that rhymes. haha.. anyway i'm just gonna be blogging awhile. staying up late hasn't been this good for a long time as the Red Devils emerge victorious against the noisy arsenal bitches. man utd won by 4 goals to 2 with a man down on the 69th minute & it was played at highbury. haha.. how sweet. now i can sleep soundly.. man this feels so damn good. nighty night now.. tataz.. lolz..

Sick

down with heavy flu.. crappy feeling. blocked nose & always ended up with used tissue all over. so far i've finished up one box. more to come as usual.

i've been having thesame dreams everynight for about a month. what does it mean? it gonna happen to me? or maybe the reason i've been having these dreams is cos i've been thinking too much about it? sigh.. get out of my freaking head!

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Fade To Black

Life it seems, will fade away

Drifting further every day

Getting lost within myself

Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live

Simply nothing more to give

There is nothing more for me

Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be

Missing one inside of me

Deathly lost, this can't be real

Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me

To the point of agony

Growing darkness taking dawn

I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late

Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed

Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

What Crap!

heh heh.. paiseh.. >_<.. found the bag in school! lolz.. hmm.. i was really sure that i had brought it home. well.. =P. i went to far east to continue with my appointment. this time around was the face. it was so so painful. the worst so far. crap! not only that, it was freezin cold too & i wasn't wearing my shirt. now i'm sick.. the usual fever, flu & sore throat. what a major drag. went straight to school to check the project room locker. suprisingly the lock was still intact! hehe.. i thought they would have already snap it off since i've already graduated & it has been 3-4 months now? anyway i opened the lock & was delighted to see the bag!! woo hoo.. the main thing is that the stuff are in there. =P the year doesn't seem so bad afterall.. hehe..

decided to hang around school for a while with my friends before heading out for dinner. went on to play billiards. haha.. i'm so bad at this.. & i can't even remember when was the last time i handled the stick! so obviously i sucked at it earlier.. sucked at it big time. yea.. whatever.. i blame it all to the pain on my back & the fever plus the runny nose. bleahz..

the throbbing pain on my back is bothering me alot. i guess i'm gonna rest now. hmm.. well.. bye.

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Step by step, heart to heart, left right left

We all fall down like toy soldiers

Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win

But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

bloody crap!!! was supposed to go out for a game of street soccer but it rain! that would be fine. but as i was packing the stuffs for the game before the rain came pouring down, i could not find my le coq sportif sling bag!!! argh!! fuck fuck fuck. i don't really care if the bag is burned or shreded into pieces. its the stuffs inside that i really care about. stuffs that are very very personal to me. full of sentimental stuffs. damn it. damn it. i wonder if it was misplaced during the shifting of my new cupboard. was it thrown away by accident? or maybe it is in school? sigh.. i'll be going to school on monday morning to check then. hopefully its there. sigh.. only the 2 day of the new year & my luck is already going downwards. argh!! i've a feeling this is gonna be the worst year for me. damn it damn it.

2005

went for two more sessions over the past 2 weeks. firstly, i had the tail portion shaded. it really hurts that time cos i had just recovered & i was still feeling very weak. the first night was painful, bathing was a chore. after a few days, it dried up & shed itself. hmm.. i'm not too sure about this. was it supposed to do that? anyway i went for my 3rd session the past monday, only to be told that my appointment was on sunday! haha.. maybe i shouldn't have drank so much on christmas eve! & on christmas! spent my sunday sleeping.. sheesh. unfortunately he was busy on that day, so i had to come the next day. i was hoping to finished my the 2 wings & the head portion. but it had to be delayed cos he was feeling under the weather & only managed to shade in 1 part of the wings. crap!

actually right now i've just woke up. spent the whole of the countdown at east coast. the rain was really a drag. spoilt everything. the mood got better after 1 in the morning. started drinking.. & i was wasted.. bloody wasted. there were probably around 5 - 8 people with 2 bottles jack daniels (1 large, 1 small) & 3 bottles of blackcat. we also brought a couple bottles of coke.. but it was barely touched. the 2 blackcats & the large jack daniel was finished up within an hour. &.. hmmm... can't really remember what happen next. i only know that i drank quite a lot. if the tsunami were to occur then.. i don't think i'm able to do much. just lay there being wasted. haha. hmmm.. someone was shouting (don't know who), i remember going into the tent to shut my eyes only to come out within a minute cos it was very stuffy inside the tent. & then i was carried around.. woke up in the morning with my pants down. wasn't really sure of my surrounding. took a cab home & puke inside the cab.. all the way from east coast to jurong. the cab driver was nice, gave me a plastic bag & rock sugar. but he talked way too much.. puke some more when i reached home & was dead after a quick shower. hahaha..

hmm.. just realised that its a new year today!! no resolution for me this year. maybe i'll make some out along year. happy NEW YEAR guys...

i'm still feeling a bit groggy now. i think i'll just lie down....