when i was younger, ahem! back in secondary school, i always wanted to look older so that i can buy cigarettes without gettin' caught or asked for my I.C. but after two incidents today, i really wished i could look younger. well, lookin like someone of my age. early afternoon, i was buyin a packet of cigarettes & i was asked for my I.C. sounds good eh? but then the cashiers disputed about my age. one said that i looked old enough so why bother to asked for my I.C. & there i was standing right infront of them.. i was like.. "okay.." nonetheless i showed them my I.C. & they were like.. "oh god! you're only 20.." another cashier said.. ".. you look like you're 24-26.." i mean come on.. do i really look that old?! sigh.. by the way, they are all females, otherwise it would be kinda weird for them to saying such stuffs to me.. & there's a price hike as well.. marlboro now cost $11.. sheesh!
another incident took place when i was on my way home.. i didn't feel too well so i decided to drop off at jurong east & took a cab there. in the cab, the driver was asking me for directions & guess what he called me?? "ah.. uncle ah.." i was really controlling myself then. what the fuck are you addressing me by? the driver was like in his late 40s & he dared to call me uncle??!! that's too much of an exaggeration! i don't mind if a small cute kid had called me uncle.. but he was twice my age! argh..!!
hmm.. i was kinda being long-winded.. sigh.. i'm feeling very very old right this moment.. not to mention the sore back i'm having now.. walking around the house ever so gingerly.. you guys can start calling me old man dham.. i'm accept the fate.. sigh..
caught constantine again earlier.. wasn't too busy coughin this time around, so i managed to catch the few scenes which i had missed out. i really feel like i should quit smoking once & for all. in my mind right now is a scene of me having cancer.. just like john & my late father. consumed 30 sticks for today alone. but i still don't think i'm addicted to it. just to be on the safe side though. since i've been coughin for 2 weeks straight even after i'd finished my medication. i do fear for my life no matter the number of times i felt, wanting to be dead. there's still so much i can do in my future, so much i can contribute.. i think.. hmm.. hopefully. cos right now, my future looks very bleak. i feel like i've just reached the end of the road. although there's still a matter of national service i need to carry out for 2 years, i'm stuck as to what i should do after that. should i try to work for the very first time in my life? or should i continue my studies? if i get myself a job, it might not neccesary have to do with my diploma, then why the heck did i wasted the years at poly for? if i pursue my education, i fear job opportunities might be slimmer by the time i complete my studies. sigh.. headache.. stressed.. unfortunately life goes on, it won't wait for me to make a decision. time is indeed precious. crap!
i guess i'll be stopping here for now.. after all the shit i've talked about wanting to quit smoking, it's real funny that i'm smoking while typing about it.. haha.. on with my 2nd stick now.. what a dofus i am!! 'till here then. ciao.
