Life Is (still) Beautiful

even with all the downs..

finally realized it after 6 months? & also after two hours of bad luck suffered. haha.. it was just crazy. maybe someone out there had place a curse on me. i accidentally knocked my head against the wall, trip over the side of the bed, spilled my green tea on the floor, had my fingers slammed with the doors, spilled hot water on my arm, had my finger hurt by my PC (i somehow got my finger jammed) & finally my body, except for my thing, was overwhelmed by rashes.. i knew i should have bathe! haha.. it was a miserable two hours for me.. so i decided to sleep through it. either my brain had stop functioning causing me to self-inflict all the shit or some crazy bitch/bastard did some hocus pocus voodoo on me. but amazingly when i woke up, i felt happy out of the blue. it was just relaxing.. i hope this isn't some mental issue though. hehe..

i think i'm gonna stop now, the rashes are killing me. i've used up one whole tube of ointment. sheesh! but it's still so itchy..

man utd lost.. milan looked like the better team but man utd had the better chances. but at least i'm contend that they didn't lose as badly as arsenal did. hahaha..

looking back at my previous entries, i realized that i made alot of typos. kinda embarrassing.. hmm.. maybe i should stop typing so much. that will minimise the typos. hehe.. but then again, who really reads my entries? & does anyone visits my blog, apart from me, for that matter?? my tagboard hasn't had much activity! so i assume no one comes to this lonely blog.. well.. it's just the way i like it! haha.. cos i'm pretty much entertaining myself by blogging. reading thru my entries whenever i'm bored.. it's sometimes suprising to find out all the rubbish i've been blabbering about. haha.. just like what i'm doing now. typing down anything i'm thinking instantly.. i'm so lonely.. & lame.. oh yes i am..

nowadays i can't go anywhere without my cigarettes & my cough drop. haha.. they come together in pairs. & if you ever caught me with tears rolling down my cheek, don't be mistaken. i'm not sad, most probably i've just had a bad cough.. yeah it happens frequently. & i'm starting to cough out these clear slimy liquid.. is it phlegm? i'm not sure. but its sure is disgusting. my immune system is deteriorating. it used to be so good, maybe i'm really getting old. sigh..

ok.. now my mind is a complete mess.. everything is whirling in my head.. so that means i'm stopping now. so long.

have no clue why i'm bloggin. feeling so damn tired now.. you know.. i'm getting old.. i'm so sleepy but i'm a bloodied shirt & a bloodied back & i've not bathe yet. don't feel like it cos i know i'll feel refresh afterwards. & will probbaly stay up all night staring at the four walls, the ceiling & the floor. staring myself silly until i get sleepy. yeah that sounds lame but i'm lame so it isn't suprising huh?

some interesting things that i can blog about is well.. hmm.. okay.. my trusted tatto artist / buddy gave me a large pat on my back. a few minutes after he did the touch-up! ouch! what the heck were you thinking? alright alright.. so it didn't really hurt that much.. i was play acting.. but it was fun watching you being reprimanded by your boss! hahaha.. sorry dude. so the pat was like a gesture upon completing my first tattoo? well.. finally! duh.. its been like ermm.. couple of months? well okay.. i did missed out a few appointments due to hangovers & oversleeping.. haha.. so when will the tattoo on my arm is gonna be completed? i'm going to tekong on the 12th of march dude.. 2 more weeks!

was kinda shagged when i reached home earlier.. lack of sleep i guess.. haha.. i did the most stupidiest thing. using my ez link, i was trying to open the frontdoor! haha.. i wasn't even drunk or anything.. lame right? i even held the card at the keyhole & wondering why it wouldn't beep. my brain is officially down people.

oklah.. i think i'm gonna bathe now. maybe after a puff. ciao!

i feel like an outcast today.. hmm.. watever. just can't wait to get into tekong. i might get thrashed there but at least it'll keep me occupied.

blah blah blah.. dunno what to say..

oh yah.. i coughed out blood today.. hmm.. no biggie right? i meant it's not a big deal right?

tataz now..

when i was younger, ahem! back in secondary school, i always wanted to look older so that i can buy cigarettes without gettin' caught or asked for my I.C. but after two incidents today, i really wished i could look younger. well, lookin like someone of my age. early afternoon, i was buyin a packet of cigarettes & i was asked for my I.C. sounds good eh? but then the cashiers disputed about my age. one said that i looked old enough so why bother to asked for my I.C. & there i was standing right infront of them.. i was like.. "okay.." nonetheless i showed them my I.C. & they were like.. "oh god! you're only 20.." another cashier said.. ".. you look like you're 24-26.." i mean come on.. do i really look that old?! sigh.. by the way, they are all females, otherwise it would be kinda weird for them to saying such stuffs to me.. & there's a price hike as well.. marlboro now cost $11.. sheesh!

another incident took place when i was on my way home.. i didn't feel too well so i decided to drop off at jurong east & took a cab there. in the cab, the driver was asking me for directions & guess what he called me?? "ah.. uncle ah.." i was really controlling myself then. what the fuck are you addressing me by? the driver was like in his late 40s & he dared to call me uncle??!! that's too much of an exaggeration! i don't mind if a small cute kid had called me uncle.. but he was twice my age! argh..!!

hmm.. i was kinda being long-winded.. sigh.. i'm feeling very very old right this moment.. not to mention the sore back i'm having now.. walking around the house ever so gingerly.. you guys can start calling me old man dham.. i'm accept the fate.. sigh..

caught constantine again earlier.. wasn't too busy coughin this time around, so i managed to catch the few scenes which i had missed out. i really feel like i should quit smoking once & for all. in my mind right now is a scene of me having cancer.. just like john & my late father. consumed 30 sticks for today alone. but i still don't think i'm addicted to it. just to be on the safe side though. since i've been coughin for 2 weeks straight even after i'd finished my medication. i do fear for my life no matter the number of times i felt, wanting to be dead. there's still so much i can do in my future, so much i can contribute.. i think.. hmm.. hopefully. cos right now, my future looks very bleak. i feel like i've just reached the end of the road. although there's still a matter of national service i need to carry out for 2 years, i'm stuck as to what i should do after that. should i try to work for the very first time in my life? or should i continue my studies? if i get myself a job, it might not neccesary have to do with my diploma, then why the heck did i wasted the years at poly for? if i pursue my education, i fear job opportunities might be slimmer by the time i complete my studies. sigh.. headache.. stressed.. unfortunately life goes on, it won't wait for me to make a decision. time is indeed precious. crap!

i guess i'll be stopping here for now.. after all the shit i've talked about wanting to quit smoking, it's real funny that i'm smoking while typing about it.. haha.. on with my 2nd stick now.. what a dofus i am!! 'till here then. ciao.

hmmm.. i suddenly felt like bloggin' but my mind is a complete blank! what shall i write about? hmmm.. okay.. in 3 weeks time i'l be headin to tekong for my government service. haha.. finally man.. had been waitin' since august last year. now, i really can't wait to get in! give me all the chores, all the trainin', all the punishment. i don't care about all that right now. i'll complain later. haha.. & i've persuaded my mum not to accompany me there cos if she does so, then she'll have to head back to singapore on the ferry alone. what sucks is that i'll have to report at tekong at 0830 hrs in the morning! meanin' i'll have to catch the transport at pasir ris around 0730 hrs! its totally crap man.. i live on the other end of singapore! plus, i'll have to try waking up at 0600 hrs instead of sleeping at 0600 hrs.. hehe.. my sleeping hours are so whacked up eversince i've graduated. i wonder how my NS life is gonna be? i'll probably suffer alot, get a whole lot darker & maybe turn gay?? well, hopefully not. haha.. it'll be such a waste.

hmmm.. alright i think i'll shall turn in early now. gotta wake up early tmr.. ciao.

updating my blog is such a rarity these days & it will be an even unlikely for me to blog after my enlistment to tekong. anyway there's nothing much i could think of for me to blog.. since my daily life is a scheduled routine. watched constantine during the weekend & both of us have a thing in common. both of us started smokin about the same age, john started at 15 & me 14, haha.. but he certainly smokes more than me! i only manage 20 plus sticks.. & the more i try to cut down, the more i'll smoke the next day! i'm not so fortunate to have the tars removed from within me like john is.. so i'll probably pass on early, may it be a descend to a lower or upper level. i don't care..

i'm getting sick at least once every month. a bad start to the new year. have been coughing heavily since monday & decided not to visit the doctor until each cough caused me abdominal pains. so i forced my sorry ass to my favourite clinic opposite my blk. haha.. it's my favourite cos it's like a man utd fanbase! haha.. poster upon poster related to man utd is pasted on every wall space. it's a bit crazy coming from a clinic but i love it! no complains.. haha..

the derby has started so i'm signin off now.. ciao!

hadn't been blogging for a long long while as i was rather "busy" & also lazy at times.. gosh! that rhymes. haha.. anyway i'm just gonna be blogging awhile. staying up late hasn't been this good for a long time as the Red Devils emerge victorious against the noisy arsenal bitches. man utd won by 4 goals to 2 with a man down on the 69th minute & it was played at highbury. haha.. how sweet. now i can sleep soundly.. man this feels so damn good. nighty night now.. tataz.. lolz..