1st festive outing

just reached home from a hari raya outing with my secondary school buddies. damn i'm so tired & very very full now. visited 12 houses in total & had in meal in almost each houses. my poor tummy.. however the mood was great! however most of us were too tired by the time we reached the last house. some of us took a nap there.. including me! haha.. who wouldn't be tired when we have been house visiting for more than 12 hours?

i think there's a problem with kids seeing botak guys. what's so interesting? there was that time when i was botak & i was eating ice-cream, a kid saw me & shouted out.. "botak eating ice-cream!".. duh! then earlier in the day as we were making a move from the first house, a kid standing at the window along the corridor saw me & shouted.. "eh! botak!" duh!! it was even louder then the first one. sheesh.. do i look funny when i'm botak? hahaha.. well, at least the guys thought so. had a good laugh out of it. haha..

anyway i'm supposed to go out again tmr for another outing with another group. hmmm.. not sure if i'm able to wake up in time. hehe.. just had extreme dose of coffee to keep me awake. hopefully it will last me till tmr!

anyway i'm going out again, a friend asked me out to hang out at some coffeeshop or somewhere decent to chill. haha.. alright then i'm signing off now. take care people!

Lonely night

the night is so quiet.. a surrealistic environment when i opened the windows.. rain oh rain.. where are you??

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Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
click here to listen to the whole album >> American Idiot

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the borderline of the edge

And where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's

Fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive

And I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

i walk alone

i walk a..

I walk this empty street

On the Blvd. of broken dreams

Were the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me

My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find

Till then I'll walk alone..

Only One

Yellowcard - Only One

click to listen >> Only One

Broken this fragile thing now

And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces

And I've thrown my words all around

But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)

And I give up (I give up)

I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down

And I can't, I can't hold on for too long

Ran my whole life in the ground

And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)

I feel like giving up (like giving up)

I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly

Leave a note for you my only one

And I know you can see right through me

So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you

You are my only, my only one

My only one

My only one

My only one

You are my only, my only one

Falling

nothing much to update on. festive season isn't what it use to be anymore. doesn't seem to give me much joy anymore.

i'm fighting the dark shadow in me. i think i'm losing the battle. maybe i'll find an opening, maybe i won't. just let it go.

well now.. i haven't been so active in my blogging. feeling lethargic everyday. that's why. don't know what i've been doing. everyday seems like another day to be wasted. what day is it today?? hmmmm...

anyway i shall be taking a long long break from my current break. so full of thoughts & problems circulating in my mind. what to do? what is right? what is wrong? i don't seem to be able to think clearly, to be myself. becoming a person who fear so much of every consequence intead of enjoying the present moment.

getting a tattoo before the end of this year.

well.. nothing much to say no more. good NIGHT.

nothing much happen today. had cable installed in my room & helped out my mum bake 2 type of cookies.

had been toying about the idea of having a tattoo covering my entire upper back since my secondary school days. hmmm... i'm really excited about it. hahaha.. probably soon then!

good night & happy holidays.

Chinese Zodiac

argh.. my sore back has returned to haunt me!! goodness it hurts more than ever.. probably cos i've been sitting infront of my desktop for more than 12 hrs.

i was surfing the web & i found an interesting "fact" about this chinese astrology thingy:

The most compatible match for a MONKEY is a RAT or a DRAGON.

for your information, i'm a born in the year of the rat, my mum is born in the year of the dragon. however i'm not a superstitious dude. hahaha.. why i found this to be interesting? the answer lies with the monkey!

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the RAT and the MONKEY make a fantastic pair! both fun, energetic signs that thrive on parties and other social gatherings, the two simply have a great time together. each of these signs has a bit of an ego, which isn't a bad thing; it may lead to occasional arguments or competitive spirits, but the Rat, for one, enjoys arguing, debates and challenges of all kinds, and the Monkey is a born performer! these two find their clashes almost as fun as their most compatible points.

as lovers these two share a hot connection; they feed and play off one another's energies and are likely to be a "favorite couple" among their friends, who are many. the Rat had best quell any possessive or jealous tendencies, however, as the Monkey has the potential to stray romantically. the Rat, who often seems to be promoting its own agenda, is more likely than many other signs to understand the Monkey's pursuit of its own happiness, so the Monkey's free-spiritedness may not be much of a problem.

as business partners, these two are dynamite. they share a love of power and the Rat's shrewd head for business and money-making are great gifts to the team. the Monkey likes to be in control of things, but the Rat is smart enough to know how to let the Monkey feel like the one in power while the Rat stays busy, working hard toward its own goals on the sly! mostly, though, these two signs' goals are one and the same, so they will find it easy to work together as a team.

The Rat and the Monkey share a compatibility of ten, on a scale of one to ten! wooo hoooo!!!

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hahaha.. should i believe all this hocus-pocus?? the part about me, the Rat, seems quite accurate. not certain about her, the Monkey, though cos i've not had a chance to fully grasp her spirit yet. whatever the case may be i'm still not sure if i should trust the "prediction", but i do believe in making things happen by my own determination & will power.

haha.. take care people, gonna lie down now to rest my aching back.

Linkin Park / Jay-Z - Numb / Encore

Linkin Park / Jay-Z - Numb / Encore
click to listen >> numb / encore track

click to view >> music video

Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're far too kind

Now can I get an encore, do you want more

Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy

So for one last time I need y'all to roar

Now what the hell are you waitin for

After me, there shall be no more

So for one last time, nigga make some noise

Who you know fresher than Hov'? Riddle me that

The rest of y'all know where I'm lyrically at

Can't none of y'all mirror me back

Yeah hearin me rap is like hearin G. Rap in his prime

I'm, young H.O., rap's Grateful Dead

Back to take over the globe, now break bread

I'm in, Boeing jets, Global Express

Out the country but the blueberry still connect

On the low but the yacht got a triple deck

But when you Young, what the fuck you expect? Yep, yep

Grand openin, grand closin

God your man Hov' cracked the can open again

Who you gon' find doper than him with no penjust draw off inspiration

Soon you gon' see you can't replace him

with cheap imitations for DESE GENERATIONS

Now can I get an encore, do you want more

Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy

So for one last time I need y'all to roar

Now what the hell are you waitin for

After me, there shall be no more

So for one last time, nigga make some noise

(What the hell are you waiting forrrr?)

(sighs) Look what you made me do, look what I made for you

Knew if I paid my dues, how will they pay you

When you first come in the game, they try to play you

Then you drop a couple of hits, look how they wave to you

From Marcy to Madison Square

To the only thing that matters in just a matter of years (yea)

As fate would have it, Jay's status appears

to be at an all-time high, perfect time to say goodbye

When I come back like Jordan, wearin the 4-5

It ain't to play games witchu

It's to aim at you, probably maim you

If I owe you I'm blowin you to smithereeens

Cocksucker take one for your team

And I need you to remember one thing (one thing)

I came, I saw, I conquered

From record sales, to sold out concerts

So muh'fucker if you want this encore

I need you to scream, 'til your lungs get sore

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb...

Now can I get an encore, do you want more

I've become so numb...

So for one last time I need y'all to roar

So for one last time I need y'all to roar

DEATH

Death is a perfect insult

many people try to be numb to this suffering. In the rush of detail that fills our life, we may find temporary distraction. In the beliefs we hold, we look for consolation. but turning from the reality of love itself, even through distraction or belief, is turning from the only possibility of going beyond our mortal predicament.

somehow, we must receive the "insult" and still grow in love.

there are times when the loss of a loved one brings us face to face with this starkness. then our strategies of distraction & consolation no longer work. we feel again the raw fact that has always been our situation. even the many small endings in our life (& the beginnings as well) remind us that no thing and no one will last, no matter how much we love them.

whatever we believe about death (& what happens after death), its inescapable nature is not in debate. but knowing that death is a universal requirement does not end our predicament - it only pushes our need to understand what life is all about, what its purpose is, to the fore.

Wisdom About Death

the mystery of what it is to be "dead", what part of us (if any) survives, whether reincarnation is true & how it works - these are universal human concerns. such questions contain the seed of wisdom about human nature, our meaning & our purpose.

these questions can move us toward a critically important understanding, one that can & should be the foundation of our lives.

"love is a great knowledge in human intimacies, but it is a terrible knowledge, simultaneously. love moves you beyond the usual insult of mortality, but it takes place in the context of mortality. at the same time that love relieves you, in some respects, of the insult of mortality, it also makes the suffering of mortality more profound."

"so, to love any one is a terrible "problem" - friend, intimate, child, mother, father. to love at all is to be confronted with the terrible nature of mortality."

"the knowledge of death, however it may come to you through life's experience, should become the wisdom of ego-transcending practice - because you understand that death is not any different from all the other limited conditions of existence."

The Heart of Understanding

death is utterly acceptable to consciousness & life. there has been endless time of numberless deaths, but neither consciousness nor life has ceased to arise. the felt quality & cycle to death has not modified the fragility of flowers, even the flowers within the human body.

one must cease to live in a superficial and divided way, seeking & demanding consciousness & life in the present apparent form, avoiding & resisting what appears to be the end of consciousness & life in death.

there is only the constant knowledge & enjoyment of the heart, moment to moment, through the instant of all conditions of appearance and disappearance. of this i am perfectly certain. i am that.

"life is terrible. therefore, people allow themselves to be deluded by the immediate pleasures they receive. they indulge in such delusion as a means of ignoring reality - and they must not do that. the way of real liberation must be fully communicated and fully developed. It is a divine spiritual way. It requires deep breath, and you stay alive only to the point that staying alive is appropriate."

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just felt like typing this out, got some help from a website & i think i talked too much. hahaha.. shall stop now.

Spring Cleaning.

last night i tried shaving my hair using the new shaver i bought. well.. hahaha.. first time shaving my own hair myself & i accidentally shaved it too short. came quite close to complete baldness! man i look dorky right now. haha.. hopefully it will grow back in time by next week!

didn't know what came over me earlier. i cleaned the whole house without having my mum nagging me to do so! swept the floors, wipe the mirrors, desks, tables, practically everything while my mum was at work. hahaha.. however i didn't mop the floors cos i don't really know how to. =P started in the morning, ended in the late afternoon. was so tired by then.

hmm.. can't find a motivation to write. am not feeling well since yesterday. slight fever. so i'm ending now. blog another day then. take care!

Recovering

today i had my stitches removed!! i'm able to walk again!! haha.. my right ankle is still feeling numb & sore though. it isn't surprising since i haven't been stepping on that leg for a week now. best of all is that there isn't any infection this time. great! being able to walk again & the first thing i did was.. spring cleaning! duh! cleaned all the windows of my house before i slump to my bed for a nap. very sleepy. i guess tmr i'll be resuming with my fasting. YAY! -_-" bleah.. hahaha..

earlier today i went to Jurong Point with my mum to shop around. hmm.. felt kinda weird cos its been a couple of years since i last went out with my mum for shopping. haha.. bought a shaver. to maintain the botak hair of mine. i guess i'm gonna be botak for a couple of years now. got a mail from the postman today. since i'm coming of age in adulthood. i'm considered eligible to the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA). meaning i'll be "donaing" my organs after my death. DUH! well.. that certainly cancels out my lung for transplantation. infact, i might be the one who needs it. it should be all black by now due to the amount of nicotine i've inhaled. hahaha.. anyway, that reminds me. the recovery of my leg came at the right time. since my cigarette stock is almost up. haha.. BUT but.. i am trying to cut down.. again.. for the umpteen time. haha..

well.. i just reach home now. gonna rest a bit now. haha.. see ya!!

True Feelings?

it seems to be a long time since i last blog. probably cos i've got too much time & i practically waste every minute by sleeping. i feel so so lazy. actually i did try to blog a couple of time. but halfway thru i got lazy & simply log-out. haha..

man utd won last night against sparta. it was a good performance by them. as a man utd supporter i want them to win the championship of course, but to be realistic i don't think they are good enough to win the cup. after watch the barcelona vs milan match the night before, i've to conclude that barcelona is a very very very good team. ronaldinho, xavi, deco, eto'o & larsson just to name a few. their style of playing was just sensational!

george bush won the election. i'm not very happy with the outcome cos i don't really like bush. he did a lot for the U.S. but personally i think he could do much better. maybe it would be nice to let john kerry to win & prove himself? anyway it had already been decided. bush will be president for 4 more years.

i'd been doing a lot of thinking these few days about my present & future. actually i used to think about it when i'm free & had nothing better to do. however this time around it felt a bit more serious. i used to be happy-go-lucky person but as i grow up i'm finding it harder to keep that persona of mine. everything seems to serious nowadays & i accept it. i know its gonna be hard. hmmm.. lets just leave it to the future. =)

that's it, i'm gonna end now. starting to feel lazy! hahaha.. good night y'all.