My Sanctuary

life hasn't been great today. was feeling down since morning.. tried to sleep it off but couldn't. turned on the tv earlier at 4 in the morning & caught a christmas animation / musical (there were alot of singing). the movie is called "Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights" it certainly touched my heart & cheered me up.

Sypnosis

When extremely disgruntled small-town guy Davey Stone (voiced by Sandler) faces another holiday season in his New England hometown, he does what he always has - he screws up big and lands in jail. Davey's old basketball referee, Whitey, bails him out with the bright idea of putting Davey to work doing community service. But Davey turns his sentence into a daily disaster for Whitey and the whole town! After a few surprises - including the mysterious reason for Davey's bad attitude and the reappearance of a childhood sweetheart - Davey might find a reason or two to change his ways.

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had been coughing so much that my lungs hurts whenever i cough. my throat so sore & the damn itch on my back is becoming very unbearable. argh.. & it seems that my sick body is rejecting nicotine intake cos whenever i tried to smoke, i'll feel like puking. however though, the addiction is still there, the urge to smoke.. & puking on the 3rd puff. no good.. no good.

hmm.. my sanctuary.. well i just wanna find a sanctuary from problems & troubles in my life. downright impossible but i can hope can't i?

the end.. good night. oops.. i mean morning! bleahz..

had been coughing blood for 3 days now. the cough is so loud that it could be heard at every corner of the house. my mum was fast to associate it with smoking. oh man.. she had been nagging & nagging.. she was nagging when she left the house for work in the morning & the first thing she does when she got back from work was to nag some more.. bleahz..

nothing much happen to me. was at home whole day slacking & chatting, smoking & drinking. mundane lifestyle i'm leading right now. hmmm.. oh well.. nothing much to blog so arrivederci guys.

my mum held an open-house especially for her friends who had been bugging her. i was helping her out with some of the cooking & most of the cleaning up after all the guest had gone home. i really hate these sort of events.. i stayed in my room to avoid talking with them. cos they really ask alot of questions.. bleahz.. haha..

my back is starting to itch alot.. argh.. & i'm not allowed to scratch it.. i'm bearing it everyday.. it does look a bit dry.. probably cos the skin is healing up.. i've just applied some moisturizer. picked up the tip from some website. i really can't wait to get it done!! thinking back.. the process actually hurts but i manage to distract my mind.. oh well.. since i've already started.. might as well finish it.

aloha people..

My wish (partially done)

hadn't had a decent sleep due to the discomfort situated on my back. had to sleep on my side, although its how i usually sleep but its still wasn't comfy. i guess "no pain no gain". it wasn't really as painful as i thought it would be but it is very boring & very uncomfortable. sat at the chair for 3 whole hours with a few minutes of break every now & then. the guys there are cool. very brotherly. haha.. the older dude said "welcome to the club" which i think is true, cos i might be there again adding something else in the future. well, who knows really.

monday was only the first session, only did the outlining cos to complete the whole design would take a very long time as it is really big. on the 16th i'll be doing the shading for the tail & other appoinments for the rest of the shading. probably another 2-3 more sessions.

initially i thought of having a potrait of a person. i even brought along a photo. however the artist, being experieced & all, advised me not to as it is "foolish" (by his words). & so i decided to stick with the original design, what a damper. bleah..

woke up with aches & feeling sore all over my upper body. applying the "salvon cream" (antiseptic cream) on my upper back was rather difficult & tedious cos i can't really reach that part of the area. & i don't really have anyone (who knows about it) to apply it for me. so the stretching exercise during my primary school days really help alot. it was certainly but unexpectedly helpful. hahaha..

i'll be putting up the on display only when it is finished. oh yah.. the deisgn cost 700 bucks!! what the hell was i thinking??!! lolz.. hmmm.. anyway.. ciao.

man it had been tiring these few days.

i'd my new wardrobe installed on friday. very cool, very nice.. i like it! later that evening, on the same day i went out with my friends for some shopping. might as well cos i hadn't been buying any clothes lately. ended up with 4 new shirts & spent the rest of the night survey tattoo parlour.

on saturday, i cleaned my room again for the 2nd time in less than a month! whoa.. the world is gonna end!! lolz.. very very tiring.. stoped halfway thru as my back gave way again.. sigh.. very painful.. at the end of the day everything seems to be in place.. well.. more or less.

today i actually done it! oh god oh god.. what am i doing??!! bleahz.. who cares.. watched a soccer match that my friend was involved in at an isolated field. nearby the british council.. kinda creepy looking with all the empty, dirty looking houses. later in the day, we chill out at the a fast food outlet, smoking till we drop & chatting about dumb stuffs. hahaha.. very very tired right now. ouch.. my back..

all i can say is that tmr is a very very big day for me. once done, there is no turning back. well.. there is but its gonna cost alot of $$$. feeling very nervous & scared but excited & thrilled at the same time.

ciao..

there is just no end to it.

new year's coming. i'm hoping to transformed myself into another person (for the better or worse )by the start of the new year at least. well.. i'll try.

nowadays i'm slow at catching things. so if anyone wants to let me know something, let it be direct & straight-forward. otherwise i'll probably fail to get it, or my mind will be filled up with questions & more questions.

i'll be expecting a make-over of my room early next month. so excited about it. heard that the outcome is rather nice, of course, since i designed it myself. bleah.. alot of stuffs are gonna be thrown out cos there's alot of junk in my room right now. hahaha.. papers upon papers upon papers.. some i don't even know where it came from. haha..

sorry guys for not coming for the outing on sunday. i reached home around 8 in the morning. can't remember much as i was kinda drunk & extremely tired. sleep for more than 12 hours after that. haha.. i woke up, walked to the kitchen window feeling dazed & went straight back to my bed & continued sleeping. like a walking zombie. haha..

1st festive outing

just reached home from a hari raya outing with my secondary school buddies. damn i'm so tired & very very full now. visited 12 houses in total & had in meal in almost each houses. my poor tummy.. however the mood was great! however most of us were too tired by the time we reached the last house. some of us took a nap there.. including me! haha.. who wouldn't be tired when we have been house visiting for more than 12 hours?

i think there's a problem with kids seeing botak guys. what's so interesting? there was that time when i was botak & i was eating ice-cream, a kid saw me & shouted out.. "botak eating ice-cream!".. duh! then earlier in the day as we were making a move from the first house, a kid standing at the window along the corridor saw me & shouted.. "eh! botak!" duh!! it was even louder then the first one. sheesh.. do i look funny when i'm botak? hahaha.. well, at least the guys thought so. had a good laugh out of it. haha..

anyway i'm supposed to go out again tmr for another outing with another group. hmmm.. not sure if i'm able to wake up in time. hehe.. just had extreme dose of coffee to keep me awake. hopefully it will last me till tmr!

anyway i'm going out again, a friend asked me out to hang out at some coffeeshop or somewhere decent to chill. haha.. alright then i'm signing off now. take care people!

Lonely night

the night is so quiet.. a surrealistic environment when i opened the windows.. rain oh rain.. where are you??

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Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
click here to listen to the whole album >> American Idiot

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the borderline of the edge

And where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's

Fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive

And I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

i walk alone

i walk a..

I walk this empty street

On the Blvd. of broken dreams

Were the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me

My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find

Till then I'll walk alone..

Only One

Yellowcard - Only One

click to listen >> Only One

Broken this fragile thing now

And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces

And I've thrown my words all around

But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)

And I give up (I give up)

I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down

And I can't, I can't hold on for too long

Ran my whole life in the ground

And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)

I feel like giving up (like giving up)

I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly

Leave a note for you my only one

And I know you can see right through me

So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you

You are my only, my only one

My only one

My only one

My only one

You are my only, my only one

Falling

nothing much to update on. festive season isn't what it use to be anymore. doesn't seem to give me much joy anymore.

i'm fighting the dark shadow in me. i think i'm losing the battle. maybe i'll find an opening, maybe i won't. just let it go.

well now.. i haven't been so active in my blogging. feeling lethargic everyday. that's why. don't know what i've been doing. everyday seems like another day to be wasted. what day is it today?? hmmmm...

anyway i shall be taking a long long break from my current break. so full of thoughts & problems circulating in my mind. what to do? what is right? what is wrong? i don't seem to be able to think clearly, to be myself. becoming a person who fear so much of every consequence intead of enjoying the present moment.

getting a tattoo before the end of this year.

well.. nothing much to say no more. good NIGHT.