have no clue why i'm bloggin. feeling so damn tired now.. you know.. i'm getting old.. i'm so sleepy but i'm a bloodied shirt & a bloodied back & i've not bathe yet. don't feel like it cos i know i'll feel refresh afterwards. & will probbaly stay up all night staring at the four walls, the ceiling & the floor. staring myself silly until i get sleepy. yeah that sounds lame but i'm lame so it isn't suprising huh?

some interesting things that i can blog about is well.. hmm.. okay.. my trusted tatto artist / buddy gave me a large pat on my back. a few minutes after he did the touch-up! ouch! what the heck were you thinking? alright alright.. so it didn't really hurt that much.. i was play acting.. but it was fun watching you being reprimanded by your boss! hahaha.. sorry dude. so the pat was like a gesture upon completing my first tattoo? well.. finally! duh.. its been like ermm.. couple of months? well okay.. i did missed out a few appointments due to hangovers & oversleeping.. haha.. so when will the tattoo on my arm is gonna be completed? i'm going to tekong on the 12th of march dude.. 2 more weeks!

was kinda shagged when i reached home earlier.. lack of sleep i guess.. haha.. i did the most stupidiest thing. using my ez link, i was trying to open the frontdoor! haha.. i wasn't even drunk or anything.. lame right? i even held the card at the keyhole & wondering why it wouldn't beep. my brain is officially down people.

oklah.. i think i'm gonna bathe now. maybe after a puff. ciao!

i feel like an outcast today.. hmm.. watever. just can't wait to get into tekong. i might get thrashed there but at least it'll keep me occupied.

blah blah blah.. dunno what to say..

oh yah.. i coughed out blood today.. hmm.. no biggie right? i meant it's not a big deal right?

tataz now..

when i was younger, ahem! back in secondary school, i always wanted to look older so that i can buy cigarettes without gettin' caught or asked for my I.C. but after two incidents today, i really wished i could look younger. well, lookin like someone of my age. early afternoon, i was buyin a packet of cigarettes & i was asked for my I.C. sounds good eh? but then the cashiers disputed about my age. one said that i looked old enough so why bother to asked for my I.C. & there i was standing right infront of them.. i was like.. "okay.." nonetheless i showed them my I.C. & they were like.. "oh god! you're only 20.." another cashier said.. ".. you look like you're 24-26.." i mean come on.. do i really look that old?! sigh.. by the way, they are all females, otherwise it would be kinda weird for them to saying such stuffs to me.. & there's a price hike as well.. marlboro now cost $11.. sheesh!

another incident took place when i was on my way home.. i didn't feel too well so i decided to drop off at jurong east & took a cab there. in the cab, the driver was asking me for directions & guess what he called me?? "ah.. uncle ah.." i was really controlling myself then. what the fuck are you addressing me by? the driver was like in his late 40s & he dared to call me uncle??!! that's too much of an exaggeration! i don't mind if a small cute kid had called me uncle.. but he was twice my age! argh..!!

hmm.. i was kinda being long-winded.. sigh.. i'm feeling very very old right this moment.. not to mention the sore back i'm having now.. walking around the house ever so gingerly.. you guys can start calling me old man dham.. i'm accept the fate.. sigh..

caught constantine again earlier.. wasn't too busy coughin this time around, so i managed to catch the few scenes which i had missed out. i really feel like i should quit smoking once & for all. in my mind right now is a scene of me having cancer.. just like john & my late father. consumed 30 sticks for today alone. but i still don't think i'm addicted to it. just to be on the safe side though. since i've been coughin for 2 weeks straight even after i'd finished my medication. i do fear for my life no matter the number of times i felt, wanting to be dead. there's still so much i can do in my future, so much i can contribute.. i think.. hmm.. hopefully. cos right now, my future looks very bleak. i feel like i've just reached the end of the road. although there's still a matter of national service i need to carry out for 2 years, i'm stuck as to what i should do after that. should i try to work for the very first time in my life? or should i continue my studies? if i get myself a job, it might not neccesary have to do with my diploma, then why the heck did i wasted the years at poly for? if i pursue my education, i fear job opportunities might be slimmer by the time i complete my studies. sigh.. headache.. stressed.. unfortunately life goes on, it won't wait for me to make a decision. time is indeed precious. crap!

i guess i'll be stopping here for now.. after all the shit i've talked about wanting to quit smoking, it's real funny that i'm smoking while typing about it.. haha.. on with my 2nd stick now.. what a dofus i am!! 'till here then. ciao.

hmmm.. i suddenly felt like bloggin' but my mind is a complete blank! what shall i write about? hmmm.. okay.. in 3 weeks time i'l be headin to tekong for my government service. haha.. finally man.. had been waitin' since august last year. now, i really can't wait to get in! give me all the chores, all the trainin', all the punishment. i don't care about all that right now. i'll complain later. haha.. & i've persuaded my mum not to accompany me there cos if she does so, then she'll have to head back to singapore on the ferry alone. what sucks is that i'll have to report at tekong at 0830 hrs in the morning! meanin' i'll have to catch the transport at pasir ris around 0730 hrs! its totally crap man.. i live on the other end of singapore! plus, i'll have to try waking up at 0600 hrs instead of sleeping at 0600 hrs.. hehe.. my sleeping hours are so whacked up eversince i've graduated. i wonder how my NS life is gonna be? i'll probably suffer alot, get a whole lot darker & maybe turn gay?? well, hopefully not. haha.. it'll be such a waste.

hmmm.. alright i think i'll shall turn in early now. gotta wake up early tmr.. ciao.

updating my blog is such a rarity these days & it will be an even unlikely for me to blog after my enlistment to tekong. anyway there's nothing much i could think of for me to blog.. since my daily life is a scheduled routine. watched constantine during the weekend & both of us have a thing in common. both of us started smokin about the same age, john started at 15 & me 14, haha.. but he certainly smokes more than me! i only manage 20 plus sticks.. & the more i try to cut down, the more i'll smoke the next day! i'm not so fortunate to have the tars removed from within me like john is.. so i'll probably pass on early, may it be a descend to a lower or upper level. i don't care..

i'm getting sick at least once every month. a bad start to the new year. have been coughing heavily since monday & decided not to visit the doctor until each cough caused me abdominal pains. so i forced my sorry ass to my favourite clinic opposite my blk. haha.. it's my favourite cos it's like a man utd fanbase! haha.. poster upon poster related to man utd is pasted on every wall space. it's a bit crazy coming from a clinic but i love it! no complains.. haha..

the derby has started so i'm signin off now.. ciao!

hadn't been blogging for a long long while as i was rather "busy" & also lazy at times.. gosh! that rhymes. haha.. anyway i'm just gonna be blogging awhile. staying up late hasn't been this good for a long time as the Red Devils emerge victorious against the noisy arsenal bitches. man utd won by 4 goals to 2 with a man down on the 69th minute & it was played at highbury. haha.. how sweet. now i can sleep soundly.. man this feels so damn good. nighty night now.. tataz.. lolz..

Sick

down with heavy flu.. crappy feeling. blocked nose & always ended up with used tissue all over. so far i've finished up one box. more to come as usual.

i've been having thesame dreams everynight for about a month. what does it mean? it gonna happen to me? or maybe the reason i've been having these dreams is cos i've been thinking too much about it? sigh.. get out of my freaking head!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Fade To Black

Life it seems, will fade away

Drifting further every day

Getting lost within myself

Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live

Simply nothing more to give

There is nothing more for me

Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be

Missing one inside of me

Deathly lost, this can't be real

Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me

To the point of agony

Growing darkness taking dawn

I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late

Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed

Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

What Crap!

heh heh.. paiseh.. >_<.. found the bag in school! lolz.. hmm.. i was really sure that i had brought it home. well.. =P. i went to far east to continue with my appointment. this time around was the face. it was so so painful. the worst so far. crap! not only that, it was freezin cold too & i wasn't wearing my shirt. now i'm sick.. the usual fever, flu & sore throat. what a major drag. went straight to school to check the project room locker. suprisingly the lock was still intact! hehe.. i thought they would have already snap it off since i've already graduated & it has been 3-4 months now? anyway i opened the lock & was delighted to see the bag!! woo hoo.. the main thing is that the stuff are in there. =P the year doesn't seem so bad afterall.. hehe..

decided to hang around school for a while with my friends before heading out for dinner. went on to play billiards. haha.. i'm so bad at this.. & i can't even remember when was the last time i handled the stick! so obviously i sucked at it earlier.. sucked at it big time. yea.. whatever.. i blame it all to the pain on my back & the fever plus the runny nose. bleahz..

the throbbing pain on my back is bothering me alot. i guess i'm gonna rest now. hmm.. well.. bye.

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Step by step, heart to heart, left right left

We all fall down like toy soldiers

Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win

But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

bloody crap!!! was supposed to go out for a game of street soccer but it rain! that would be fine. but as i was packing the stuffs for the game before the rain came pouring down, i could not find my le coq sportif sling bag!!! argh!! fuck fuck fuck. i don't really care if the bag is burned or shreded into pieces. its the stuffs inside that i really care about. stuffs that are very very personal to me. full of sentimental stuffs. damn it. damn it. i wonder if it was misplaced during the shifting of my new cupboard. was it thrown away by accident? or maybe it is in school? sigh.. i'll be going to school on monday morning to check then. hopefully its there. sigh.. only the 2 day of the new year & my luck is already going downwards. argh!! i've a feeling this is gonna be the worst year for me. damn it damn it.

2005

went for two more sessions over the past 2 weeks. firstly, i had the tail portion shaded. it really hurts that time cos i had just recovered & i was still feeling very weak. the first night was painful, bathing was a chore. after a few days, it dried up & shed itself. hmm.. i'm not too sure about this. was it supposed to do that? anyway i went for my 3rd session the past monday, only to be told that my appointment was on sunday! haha.. maybe i shouldn't have drank so much on christmas eve! & on christmas! spent my sunday sleeping.. sheesh. unfortunately he was busy on that day, so i had to come the next day. i was hoping to finished my the 2 wings & the head portion. but it had to be delayed cos he was feeling under the weather & only managed to shade in 1 part of the wings. crap!

actually right now i've just woke up. spent the whole of the countdown at east coast. the rain was really a drag. spoilt everything. the mood got better after 1 in the morning. started drinking.. & i was wasted.. bloody wasted. there were probably around 5 - 8 people with 2 bottles jack daniels (1 large, 1 small) & 3 bottles of blackcat. we also brought a couple bottles of coke.. but it was barely touched. the 2 blackcats & the large jack daniel was finished up within an hour. &.. hmmm... can't really remember what happen next. i only know that i drank quite a lot. if the tsunami were to occur then.. i don't think i'm able to do much. just lay there being wasted. haha. hmmm.. someone was shouting (don't know who), i remember going into the tent to shut my eyes only to come out within a minute cos it was very stuffy inside the tent. & then i was carried around.. woke up in the morning with my pants down. wasn't really sure of my surrounding. took a cab home & puke inside the cab.. all the way from east coast to jurong. the cab driver was nice, gave me a plastic bag & rock sugar. but he talked way too much.. puke some more when i reached home & was dead after a quick shower. hahaha..

hmm.. just realised that its a new year today!! no resolution for me this year. maybe i'll make some out along year. happy NEW YEAR guys...

i'm still feeling a bit groggy now. i think i'll just lie down....