Facts of Life

i've just learnt some sad & hard truths. it really hurt me hard. couldn''t bring myself to accept it. sigh.. i'm more confused than ever. maybe i shouldn't be too hard on her. cos right now i'm full of guilt. its a really terrible feeling. i think right now i needed to have a nice chat with someone dear to me whom i can relate to. someone who knows the situation. sigh.. i'm feeling darn miserable tonight.

anyway England won by a goal from Micheal Owen. i ought to be happy but the result have no effect on me whatsoever. sigh..

life isn't great. what life has given to us, deal it in the best way that we can. compared to others who have a 'rich' life, life would suck a million times over. but compared to others who have worse fate than us, we would have to be thankful that we didn't have to go through the same fate. my life & fate can be found in between the highest & lowest. so i'm just living it the best way i can. however i hope that i can ease the harsh fate that life has given to people whom i cares for.

i'm learning about life as i grow. every now & then i stumble upon new & shocking stuffs about life. sigh.. i'm too miserable to carry on..

i feel especially relaxed today. probably cos i scored 79 for my test. lolz.. from now on i won't have anything to do with Ngee Ann Poly & i don't have to step into the school ever again. except for sending my laptop for repairs & the graduation ceremony which i don't think i'll be going. now i'll just have to look forward. next up, NS & then getting a job or furthering studies. if i happen to get a good job with good salary. then most probably i'll be sticking to that job, if not then pursuing for a degree or something like that.

hmmm.. i know that drinking & smoking is extremely bad for the health. i should probably quit it. however these are the two things that keeps me company constantly. i'll be lost without it. sigh.. anyway the fasting month is starting in 2 days time & i'll be trying to stop the alcohol & nicotine intake. i don't think i'll still be consuming these stuffs after i've settled down. 'if' there's a chance that i find someone that is truly special, i'll most likely quit it cos family comes first. but me finding someone special? i'm not too sure about that.. oh well..

everyday i'm missing someone (girls). 3 to be exact. i'm trying hard to forget 2 of them as one of them hurt me real bad inside while the other.. hmm.. i just don't know what i should do with her. as for the third one , i'm not sure whether i should be having these thought about her in the first place. we share a good relationship & i don't wanna ruin that, but on the other hand i'm developing these feelings for her. what should i do? headache headache.. sigh..

coming up next is the World Cup European Qualifier. England vs. "a country i've never heard of".. lolz.. i'll be stopping here for today. so long!

Record Breaker

today i broke my record. i smoked 40 sticks of Marlboro cigarettes & 10 cans of Baron in a day! lolz..

i'm a bit drunk right now, so i won't be typing much. good night!

anyway i've bought 6-packs of BARONS. anyone willing to join me? if not then i'll probably finish it all to myself! lolz.. =/

Love. YES or NO?

should or shouldn't i love? hmmm.. is there anyone whom i should love? is there anyone who love me? hmmm.. is love really important? i didn't used to think so it was until i experienced the full blast. i was just wondering these few days. should i pursue the love or should i just leave it be? i just can't find the answer. maybe i'm just too timid or maybe my subconcious is avoiding it. hmmm.. a new love? willing to find the answer to my question?

nothing much happen today, just went to school for the test. that's all.. i shall stop blogging now. gonna think about love. so long.

White Chicks

hmmm.. nothing much, caught "White Chicks" yesterday with my friends. it was funny & disgusting at the same time. it was just gross looking at the two guys. yucks! but overall, the show was not bad. =)

tomorrow i'll be having my last test. finally. after tommorow i'm gonna declare myself free from ngee ann poly with a couple jugs of booze. but i'll have to cramp it all tonight first. should be easy. haha.. so long!

NEW LOVE?

Fragility of life

life is as fragile as a new born baby. it can be ended in a matter of seconds. there are an infinite methods of end one's life. i've thought of it on a few occassions, stepped over the boundary between life & death. i'm still alive & blogging, so meaning i've chosen life? do we live for others or for ourselves? most people live for others; for example families, close friends or even animals. the few who live for theselves.. well.. i'm not too sure cos i've never experience that. i just can't apprehend it. what's the purpose? isn't it just selfish to live with that concept? i'm struggling with life as there's barely any joy in it. i'm just waiting for a reason. a reason to live. hope it appears soon. hopefully.

DEFINITIONS OF LIFE

1. a : the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body b : a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings c : an organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction

2. a : the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual b : one or more aspects of the process of living [sex life of the frog]

3. BIOGRAPHY

4. spiritual existence transcending physical death

5. a : the period from birth to death b : a specific phase of earthly existence [adult life] c : the period from an event until death [a judge appointed for life] d : a sentence of imprisonment for the remainder of a convict's life

6. a way or manner of living

7. LIVELIHOOD

8. a vital or living being; specifically : PERSON [many lives were lost in the disaster]

9. an animating and shaping force or principle

10. SPIRIT, ANIMATION

11. the form or pattern of something existing in reality

12. the period of duration, usefulness, or popularity of something [the expected life of flashlight batteries]

13. the period of existence (as of a subatomic particle)

14. a property (as resilience or elasticity) of an inanimate substance or object resembling the animate quality of a living being

15. living beings (as of a particular kind or environment) [forest life]

16. a : human activities b : animate activity and movement [stirrings of life] c : the activities of a given sphere, area, or time [the political life of the country]

17. one providing interest and vigor [life of the party]

18. an opportunity for continued viability [gave the patient a new life]

19. capitalized, Christian Science : GOD

20. something resembling animate life [a grant saved the project's life]

Hopeless

the labtest was unexpectedly easy. so easy that got over confident. with much time left in my hand, i thought i'm almost done with test with the last question. i was far ahead compared to my labmates. so i wasted time. STUPID. with 10 minutes left, i finally realised there was another page at the back. argh.. i could have gotten the full score but my stupidity cost me my grades. argh, forget it. this is probably the last module i'll be taking. next coming monday i'll be having my theory test. the last test paper of ngee ann poly. music to my ears..

eveytime i thought i've moved on. it just keeps drawing back again. all those memories occupies my dream. how can i move on like this? how can i prevent myself from dreaming? daytime, i try ever so hard to find something to do just to prevent my thoughts from wondering aimlessly. night time, still trying to occupy my mind until i drop dead into the arms of mr sandman. i'm probably the most sensitive guy in this lifetime. hopeless & very much without a purpose in life.

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Death is nothing but a moment's rest

Until the Second Coming of the Lord

When He shall gather to Him of the best

To take them to the place of their reward.

I've felt the power of God in my soul

Shining like a golden sun within,

Melting my hard heart to make me whole,

Burning out the remnants of my sin.

I've felt Him work within me, so I know

The glory that will come when I awake.

I'll sleep just like a child who'll homeward go,

And in my dreams of love great pleasure take.

So do not mourn my death, and do not grieve.

The Lord will come for me: This I believe.

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so long everyone.. good bye..

Graveyard

yesterday i went over to jln bahar cemetry to visit my dad with my mum.. its been a long time. it was a routine for us to visit him before the start of the fasting month. i missed going there although i hated the bugs there. cockroach, spiders, colonies of termites, big flying bugs.. hmmm.. i wonder how i'm gonna survive the jungle training in NS... anyway loads of weeds had grown since our last visit. so i had to pull it all out. that morning was especially hot & humid & i was sweating profusely. i think we stayed there for about half an hour. then we visit my grandmum's grave. there wasn't much cleaning to be done cos my other relatives visit her frequently. i just utter some prayers for her. however i really hated the big banana tree that is rooted next to her grave. i wonder how it got there in the first place. i felt so eeky went i reached home, felt so sticky so i bathed again. this was very very rare for me cos i don't bathe so often.. hehe.. watched some cartoons on tv before i head to bed. i'm a boring guy. sigh..

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"But those who believe and do good deeds, We will admit them to gardens (Paradise) in which rivers flow, lasting in them forever..."

Life involves preparing the soul to become worthy to pass through death, which is a transition, and progress to eternity in Paradise

"If you could but see when they are set before the Fire (Hell) and say: ‘Would that we might return (to the world)! Then we would not reject the verses of our Lord, but we would be of the believers!"

Just as Paradise is a place of delight, Hell is a place of eternal torment.

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i'll be having my labtest tmr. finally! another theory test & i don't have to step into NP again! i haven't studied for it yet cos i'm lazy.. hehe.. anyway i just got back from my friend's house. i borrowed his laptop for tmr's labtest. my bloody laptop is down. the whole screen turns blue whenever i switched it on, i guess its feeling blue, lolz..

gonna read thru a bit now.. take care peepz...