Bum's Life

2007-07-25T19:53:00.000+08:00

is my eyesight getting worse? i was waiting for my private instructor when i noticed these two "ladies" about 5 meters away walking towards my direction. i thought they sisters or close friends cos they were holding hands and knowing my nature i singled out the better looking "lady" in terms or dress sense. the weird thing was that as they came closer the one i picked out seemed to be getting older. it was then that i realised she was the mother of the one next to her. oh crap! haha. so the question is whether my eyes are becoming bad or is the mother is dressing too sexy for her age? i mean come on! the mother looks way better than the daughter considering the age side. haha. seeing such things early in the morning well it woke me up at least. anyway my instructor somehow came 2 hours later all due to a mix-up in admin. doesn't really matter to me cos i've the time to spare so i went to visit my old neighbourhood at bukit batok. its been a really long time since i visit, even though Singapore is so fucking small on the world map, roughly about 8-9 years. i spent about an hour browsing thru all the shops! lol! i must have look like some tourist, looking around trying to remember the places with great curiosity. most of my favourite shops are still there and i didn't realise there were that many food court before and a few new ones have opened since then. too bad i didn't have all day to wonder and i don' think i'll be visiting anytime soon even if i'm near the area.

driving is hard. riding a bike is easy. reason is that i can use my hands better than my feet. using my feet to control the pedals is like asking an elephant to be delicate. haha. the start up is the problem for me. i can feel the engine, i can hear the engine but i can't control the clutch and accelerator. my feet are too rough, its hard to ask my feet to depress the clutch by a cm and hold it there. maybe its cos of my foot wear so i asked my instructor if i could drive barefooted starting tmr and he gave it an Ok. so we'll see how it goes tmr. anyway i've got a long time to practice cos the test is due next year jan. argh.. so freaking long!

these few night i've been getting plenty hours of sleep but always have nightmares and weird dreams. firstly i've weird dreams about strangers. i think i've never seen them before so why are they appearing in my dreams? but its quite alright cos they not disturbing my sleep. however the nightmares i've been having are bad. just one word 'SPIDERS!'. i keep on remembering about all the spiders in tekong especially the one that i'd accidentally crush with my bare hands. maybe it coming back to haunt me. its just too creepy! to show how creepy it is i tried to find a picture of it on the net. there's plenty of spiders and i've plenty of goosebumps and spine chilling moments, so much so that i grew sick and tired of it. haha. i just can't stand looking at it more than 5 seconds before i change windows. then slowly i started to overcome my fear but the more i look at all the spiders the more i freak out at every single movement on my body. actually i started blogging at 7 pm its almost 10 now, its been drag all cos of the spiders. anyway i just picked out one picture, not sure whether its the same one but it roughly alike. its not like i observe the real spider when i came across it. the first thing on my mind then was always "back off slowly" and tell my men "alright! lets try another route" cos of it my emergency stop on foot has improve. haha.. ewww.. just look how gross it is.

The Stylistics

2007-07-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

i've been searching for this song for a long time now eversince the gatsby advert featuring the SMAP guy who was acting all gay. haha. but i was more interested in the song. an oldies from the 70s group called "The Stylistics" and apparently a one hit wonder.

2007-07-14T03:40:00.000+08:00

oh man. i can't seem to sleep yet again. darn cat outside my window urmm.. "meowing?". its kinda creepy since its so loud and i'm deprive of sleep. i don't dare to check it out cos the last time i did i got a big shock out of it. my fragile heart won't be able to take another shock.

lately i've been sleeping with my pc turn on the whole night listening to oldies, jazz, classical and i've even resorted to corny love songs. oh my! wait till the bills arrive. the things i do to make me sleep. i guess that the reason why i like the mentioned genre, except for the last one. they are so soothing that it makes me sleep. . . well some of them are nice at least, actually most of it just bore me to sleep but nothing beats listening to a lecture. just a minute listening to lectures and i will drop dead sleeping. i should've recorded some lectures then.

looking back i've been talking alot about sleep, way too much. i just can't help it, i just can't sleep. its like my body is damn tired and ready to shut down any moment but my mind is wide awake, body and mind is not in-sync, in different time zone. its in relation to consuming alot of caffeine for a last minute cramping to exam. yeah thats how i'm feeling right now. don't think this is good for my health, earlier my left arm was trembling for an hour.

finally the cat has stop. gotta try to sleep again.

Summer 2007

2007-07-13T12:29:00.001+08:00

not sure why but for some reason this korean song makes me happy and joyful. the group is called brown eyed girls and the song is called oasis, i think. i don't actually understand entirely what they are singing about, but i have a rough idea judging from their music video? anyway i'm just interested in the music not the song. . . and well maybe the girls in the music video too. haha.

Sleeping Disorder? Part II

2007-07-02T21:06:00.000+08:00

Humans can't do without sleep, even for me. earlier i went for my practice theory lesson. supposed to attend 4 sessions but my conscious self was only there for 3 sessions. due to my lack of sleep i walked into the room like a zombie, went straight to the computer and started doing all the questions. the first two sessions was alright, by the third session i was drifting in and out of consciousness. the fourth session i was already in a place far, far away for a solid 1 hour. it was so relaxing until the instructor had to wake me up. haha. this brings back memories. all my life sleeping has been an issue for me. thus i gain the ability to sleep anywhere anytime. i've tons of experience to share, all involving sleep. primary school was the start of it all. i always sleep on any bus on the way back, always miss my stop and ended up at the bus terminal but luckily the terminal was near to my house. usually someone will wake me up. ah how kind strangers ah. my sleeping habits became worse in secondary school. lets see now, sometimes i miss the stop going to school if i'm lucky it'll be just a few stops if not then i'll try to sneak in but that always fails. come to think of it my detentions were mostly due to coming to school late. on the way back home its basically the same thing, miss my stop and ended up at the terminal but since its a different bus so its a different terminal. lets just say that i live in the far west but i wake up in the far east and no, i'm not talking about the shopping centre. i remember the first time i alight the bus made my first step and saying "where the fuck am i?" to the bus driver. so i waited for the next bus, went back and not surprisingly miss my stop again but this time around by 1 stop. somehow it doesn't matter to me if there's seats available or not. sometimes i can sleep while standing up but i try not to do it so often cos its embarrassing when i fall and every one's attention is on me. the trick to this is to maintain a semi-conscious state while standing up but i always end up getting knock-out. in class i wouldn't want to talk so much about it cos it was a routine thing for me. you could say 70% of my attendance is sleeping. the only class i dreaded was my 2nd language class. i think the teacher is those "old school" type of teacher where discipline is a major issue. of course i was always made to stand inside the class, outside the class, on the chair. if he's in a good mood he'll just ask me to stay awake. one time i was so sleepy that i bang on the table with a face plant. school days is so much fun. in poly its a sleeping kingdom, that's all i want to say. the experiences outside are the interesting ones. like taking an mrt at one station and in a blink of an eye i'm teleported to the other side of the same station. well in reality the "blink of an eye" took about 2 hours and i didn’t really teleport, the train just made a loop of singapore but i wasn’t aware of that until i realise the train was going the wrong way. National service was a sleeping nightmare for me especially during their boring lectures. i don’t know why but i’m always the one getting caught. i’ve caused my whole company to do extra punishments so frequently that every lecture became “make idham stay awake session” hahaha!! of course that’s not 100% guaranteed. most of the time i spent lectures standing up by the stairs only to doze off and falling down the stairs, that really hurts. but sleeping anywhere was the real experience here. so far i’ve slept at graveyard in wee hours of the night, in a drain, in a canal, beside a cliff, i’ve even slept during heavy rains without shelter. when i got to my new unit it was a totally new kind of nightmare, the kind where i don’t wanna sleep anymore. the reason is simply because i slept too much. that’s how my clubbing got started actually.

my sleeping habits has no fixed timings to it. i just sleep when my body tells me to sleep. whenever there’s exams i usually leave it to the night before to cramp it up. that’s how i do exams. planning to start off reading the important notes i’ve highlighted but ended up reading the entire book. try imagine cramping a whole year of study into 1 night. but i’ve always manage to score good grades so that’s fine for me. i could have scored better grades if i hadn’t leave it to the last minute but that’s not my style. usually i forget everything after an hour after the papers, not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. anyway i’ve been thinking of working in the night shift since i’m much more active in the night. its not a bad idea really.

i’m finally getting sleepy so i better try to sleep now before the feeling is gone.

Near future add-on.

2007-06-29T02:21:00.001+08:00

i'm back again! the top pic is a tattoo design i modified from several sources so i think its safe to say that i designed it? its like taking a template and add in a lot of creativity with the help of a software and thus this is the result. the design was ready a few months ago but after my regular tattoo artist went awol from the tattoo industry to work at a zoo. i'm trying to find someone who can do a good job and demands a reasonable price.. i don't have much contacts though so it might be postponed till god knows when. anyway i haven't decided yet where to place it. left arm or right arm? at least for certain this current tattoo can be easily seen by me therefore it acts as a reminder that i actually have tattoos on my body. so far i have 2 can-sized tattoo underneath both arms, something that i'm sick of. not the tattoo of course but those nosey friends who wanted to see it plus both are ambigrams so not only do i have to lift my arms but i also have to twist my arms around to be able to see the other words from an upside down view. the third tattoo that i have is a pretty big A3-size design that anyone can standing 1km away. yeah anyone but me because it on my back. the only way i can see it is by facing my back towards a mirror which i don't do very often. there was a time when i actually forgot that i have a large piece on my back for more than 6 months. it completely slip my mind until i accidentally saw it one day thru double reflection of mirrors. crap! when i saw it after such a long time i was like stunned to the ground. it felt like the first time i got it done and it was the first tattoo i ever did. such fond unpleasant memories. so far i've never met anyone who had their first ever tattoo done with that kind of scale. i didn't know what i was really thinking back then. all i could remember was feeling hurt and lonely, and i just had to do something to distract myself from the emotional pain. it actually work wonders! during the tattooing process i was relieved of the pain momentarily until the tattoo was done. it took 3 months i think? the artist couldn't complete it faster cos just a small piece, the size of 2 wallets, would take him 5 hours, his wrist couldn't take the strain. then i had to take 1 week rest after each session to heal up. but the amazing thing was that i can hardly remember feeling any physical pain. it could be that the emotional pain i was suffering was even worse? or maybe the room was just tooo cold and i was half-naked shivering? well.. it must be the first option. why? because most recent piece i did, that was like around less than a year ago?, hurts like hell! i'm embarrassed to say that tears of pain flow thru my eyes that day. same room, same coldness, same artist but hell lot of difference in pain levels. anyway i didn't include my second piece cos it was done right after the first piece. i kinda got addicted to it then and totally no pain well comparing to the one i just did that was more than 10 times the size my body was immune to the pain then. AH! hmm.. i seem to remember blogging about this once before. i might be repeating myself. haha.. oh well. i'm off to finish up my liquor.

Sleeping Disorder?

2007-06-29T01:39:00.000+08:00

i can't seem to sleep!! argh! i'm already bored to the bone and i can't sleep. this is so frustrating. i only get the "oh i'm about to sleep" feel whenever i need to go out. what the heck? for the past 1 week its been an hourly nap everyday, a few minutes here, a few minutes there. its been a while since i quit my after night activities, no more alcohol and no more hangovers. now the night seem to be so long.

to make matter worse i caught a sore throat earlier this week. for my body that usually means a fever will appear followed by a bad cough follwed by a flu. i'm at the flu stage now. i'm not sure why but my body immune system is extremely weak against sore throat. everytime without fail those 3 sickness will come thru.

i've got a feeling i'm going to blog alot tonight. whatever comes to mind and i will register it here. unless i try knocking myself out. i still have a bottle of hard liquor stash away in my room. should i unseal it? if i stop blogging for the night then thats the reason. i might not even be awake till tommorow night.

Glimpse of my past.

2007-06-29T01:06:00.000+08:00

i'm so bored right now. eversince i started to come back from my "self-declared" break i've been so restless lately. blogging on this old blog of seem to past some time and out of curiosity i kinda took a peek at the very begining of this blog. . . what the hell?! i used to be much more brighter, colourful and interesting in my words. now i'm just damning this space full of negative shits. quite a change hmm.. not that i care really.

i've been practically going for my car license everyday now. i seem to be progressing quite fast, but now all i can think of is all the theories inside my head so i decided to put it off till monday, a little break sounds good. that is if i can stand not doing anything for the next 3 days. darn it! i used to be able not to do anything for weeks or months. now just a mere 24 hours at home is suffocating me. i guess i'll have to go tomorrow to book some practice lesson or anything to keep me occupied. sheesh. pretty pathetic huh? maybe i'll find someone to bother tomorrow! hmm..

Not so much crap.

2007-06-28T20:10:00.000+08:00

the previous post was all due to the build-up emotions i've endured through-out my life. i guess national service just added the fire to the accumulated fuel? from what i've experience only the minority actually gain discipline. the rest just can't wait to get it done and over with. the reason why some are motivated to do meaningful things in life is because they spent so much time in camp doing stuffs that doesn't help at all in society that they decided to act quickly the moment they pass out to recover the wasted time. there are some who couldn't think so far ahead in their future in society that they are tempted to sign on, only to regret their decision. i've alot of regulars and friends who is in this category. try to use your brain to think, signing on under contract for a number of years seems to be a good deal at first but when the contract is over what then? not everyone will get to renew their contracts. instead why not get a good head start working in society no matter how tough and stressful it is? hmmm.. just listen to me. i'm not the one to talk so i'll stop this topic here.

anyway it was tough during national service cos i didn't have anyone close to turn to during this period. friends are just friends, they have their own problems to deal with, sure i can talk to them but i can't share my problems with them. its unfair to have them share my problems, they can give advice doesn't matter if they are good or bad however for me unfortunately advice doesn't solve problems. what i need is moral support someone to get you going. i have my mum though, we're close but strictly mother-son relation. we can't talk about relationship problems cos its awkward for both of us. i know for sure cos its been tested and a proven failure.

i'm not trying to blame everything on my childhood but i seem to have an attachment to things therefore its always extremely hard for me to let go of anything important or adapt to new things. moving up from primary to secondary was the starting point. i felt that my friends were going their separate ways. i know for a fact that we'll somhow be in touch but its just the feeling of someone leaving you. maybe i got that feeling when my dad passed on? anyway it got from bad to worse as i grew older from secondary to tertiary to the present. at each and every interval i tend to stray or run away from society. i realised that its bad for me cos its always hard to get back on track everytime. no matter how much i try to plan ahead it always gets screw up at the important moment. i wonder why i'm causing problems to myself. i'm starting to think that its due to lack of independence. my mum has always intervene with my life and somehow ends up dictating it.

sometimes i do good deeds and help people like nobody business, i try to be kind and courteous that it even shock me at times. is this really me? i wondered to myself everytime. until now i'm still trying to find out why i did all those things. i'm not too sure whether it came from the heart or just an act. having said all that, sometimes i do the exact opposite, being mean and all. is this my true self? it feels like having some weird mood swings. but iknow for sure that i don't like being nasty, i always regret it the next second but what done is done. the fact that i acted nasty for whatever reason remains. i should learnt to control.

as for me right now i'm determine to straighten my life up but one step at a time. get a license, get a car, get a good reliable job, get a degree, then hmmm.. study some more till i drop? i'll try to get the first few things done after that i'll just let life follow its course. if its bad then i'll write more on this blog its not something new anyway. if its good then its as good as it gets cos i get a feeling it won't last long.

All Crap!!

2007-06-19T19:16:00.000+08:00

i have no idea what to do with my life. i can't find any motivation in my life. what am i living for? for what purpose? if i'm working then what am i working for? for what purpose did i study so much for? so that i can have a bright future?? however i'm not happy with my life, in fact i've never been happy with my life other than this brief moment, a brief moment of sincere happiness and witnessing the whole world crashing down on me. so gullible but i can't blame anyone but me cos it was my decision. it wasn't anything new but that time around it was immensely painful. don't think it's gone cos my pain turned into regret and sorrow, nothing like i've experienced before. what a predicament my life turned out. someone once told me that i don't have a life well growing up like how i have been growing it was surprising no one said it sooner.

my happy smiles has all been a pretence ever since my dad passed on. how could i be happy when a lost of my kin is followed by family conflicts, hoping from house to house, not having a home with a complete family and always home alone as my mum worked till 11 at night. that for me was the most difficult period to cope with as i had to overcome any fears coming from a child at that age. with a childhood like that could i grow up happy or normal? traumatised? maybe. i didn't say anything to my mum cos i know how hard this is on her. so that's how i pretend to be smiling day after day and try to act normal. now that i've grown up i've really been wondering about my life. can i really be happy? or whenever by chance that i'm happy is it happiness or just a faux cos i can't differentiate my true feelings. anyway i can't seem to pretend for much longer, its very very tiring emotionally. growing up as an extremely introvert person is taking its toll. sometimes i can talk non-stop and yet abruptly stop, spacing out thinking of nothing. but most of the time i just kept quiet. a friend told me that i'm a man of a few words. who true is that but all of it comes down to my mood. i'm happy if i talk too much whereas unhappy when i'm quiet. based on that i think i'm hardly happy throughout my life. you can even find the word "quiet" on all of my report cards in primary and secondary school combined. every year without fail. haha (sarcastic laugh). can i actually continue to act as if all is well? i'm not that tough really, there's a limit to mental toughness. right now i feel like i'm living on a tightrope millions if not billions high above ground and all i need is a push from the tiniest gust of wind to suffer a complete breakdown. i've certainly been living by the edge, slipping closer as i grow older. maybe in total seclusion i can be at ease even for a little. can't believe i'm living for something that i'm not enjoying at all? this feels like crap. i can't take this anymore god damn it. sigh..

could it be due to my abnormal childhood or influences in life that i somehow can't picture myself having a family with my own race. in my mind it always has got to be a chinese. one of my cousin got married last week and it got me thinking really got me thinking. yet another cousin of mine asked willfully who'll be next? disregarding another cousin of mine who's a year older and is already engaged probably tying the knot by this year of course. may i add that this is also the cousin who brought his chinese girlfriend during the festive gathering and was pressure by my aunts nonetheless to either make her convert or break up. very very assuring to me indeed. as for me i don't mind converting or not converting. hey i'm not that religious as well. i don't think my mum really mind about it though. well that's what i think. anyway the real problem lies with my aunts. my mum seems to be influenced by them, probably due to avoid gossips. so what am i supposed to do? somehow i seem to be always adding up to the tons and tons of problems that i already have. its never ending. well i could elope, that's a solution ain't the best there is though but do i really have the heart to elope and leaving my mum alone? don't think so. i could never bear to leave my mum's side for anything. seeing my mum's heart break is probably worse than any other torture i could think of. otherwise i would have probably left singapore by now. she's my one and only kin in this wretched world. why oh why couldn't i have a sibling? it would probably help me tremendously. if my mum really "die die" wants me to have a family than i think i'll have no choice but to just pick any from the "market", continue pretending to be happy and the end. not to be disrespectful but it won't matter to me anymore by then cos i would have lost any hopes of actually be in control of my life and happiness.

could all of this be fate? am i fated to go thru all of these shit ever since the moment my head popped out into this world? my great grandma used to say that i look like a chinese when i was born, that's according to my mum. hmmm.. this is a little bit out of context but i just felt like saying it. due to fate i have only 2 memories of my dad, one was playing with him and the other was resting him to his grave. as my dad passed on when i was very young the reality that he's not with me didn't struck me until i grew older, i remember grieving for him while i was in secondary one, years after he's gone. can i say that i've been spared from total heartache? but then again growing up without a dad really sucks big time. it's always my mum and me. however i could tell that she was having a hard time watching me grow up. especially since my poly days as she couldn't adapt seeing me in a relationship, enlisting into national service was the hardest. she was probably feeling lonely at home alone and i in turn was worried about her being alone. at tekong though i wasn't faring that well somehow i was feeling lonely although i'd made quite a lot of friends. usually the loneliness strikes after lights out. i'm not such an early sleeper and that probably made it worse cos whispers upon whispers are heard during the night and i hadn't had much of a choice but to ignore it as best as i could, wasn't easy though listening to all those mushy words.. Crap!

i hear by conclude that my life is full of crap "full stop"

p.s. i hate vivo city can't believe i spent 30 mins just to get out!

P.S. Course!

2006-03-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

hadn't blog for 2 months now. initially i was just being lazy currently i have been busy with something called platoon sergeant course since the mod of last month. its a 6 weeks course held at sispec at the newly allocated pasir laba camp, just one exit away from my house that is if you're taking the pie towards tuas. the whole course is broken up to 2 weeks common phase & 4 weeks operational phase in other words, 2 weeks full lecture & theory based & 4 weeks of agonizing outfield practice. so far i've only ended the first week of the operational phase & i've already fallen sick. well i've always been sick these few months but it has just gotten worse. probably cos of the training on friday under the scorching sun. it was so damn bloody hot. i've had major heat cramps & i've suffered dehydration causing me to burn out. how i wish the 3 more weeks would pass by fast!

anyway backtrack to the days before i started the course, i've had some interesting events. one of it is when my company had a nights out & one of my man under my charge came back drunk. totally in a whole of his own & wasted. unfortunately he had stirred a minor problem at the place he went to drink & was thrown out. so he didn't accept that & started to argue. it was lucky he went there with his friends. they manage to escort him back to camp but even in camp he was still causing a ruckus. and that's when i stepped in. i happened to notice him being escorted from the corridor of my bunk. so i decided to come down and so call investigate but actually i was bored and didn't have anything else to do. hah! founded out the situation and decided to intervene.. as rough as he was, he still had the respect towards me as his commander. but still he was drunk and begining to piss me off so i pinned him down like a wrestler repeatedly shouted at him to snap out of it before i decided to charge him for misconduct. well i did manage to subdue after an hour plus.. by then i was pretty beat out myself. so i left him be with the supervision of his platoonmates. i went out took a smoke along the corridor.. at the same time i check on him again. was suprised he wasn't in his bed so i took a closer look and saw him at the dustbin puking the hell out and he was bleeding on his forehead. so i instructed one of the guys to wet a cloth so i could wipe off the blood on his face and sent him back to bed. its quite tasking to be a commander.. whether to be stern or to be caring. but these guys actually look upon me as their older brother than as their commander. however the next day the same guy apologised to me and the rest of the guys had a total changed of look towards me. they were somehow a bit scared of me after witnessing a small portion of my aggressiveness as i've always been nice towards them. but all in all its just a lesson learnt for them. their discipline level just went up a notch. haha.. at least something good was gained from that.

a friend of mine from the same bunk suffer what i suspected to be insomnia. after knowing that he hadn't slept for a week i confirmed my suspicion. he had always been an outgoing sort of guy but suddenly he snapped at everything and was convinced that the whole world was against him. however i had to go off for my course.. the latest update i got was he's recovering quite well.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

.... 3 weeks later.

sorry, i hadn't complete my submission then. here i am 3 weeks later, finishing my course soon. just 4 more days! had 2 weeks plus of hell and torture. the last 3 days overnight in the outfield especially. had to dig alot of trenches (something like a grave), carry a lot of heavy stuff & endure all the insect bites, including scorpions and also encountering alot of huge spiders of different colours! yucks.. that just creep me out.
i'm resting at home now, will be booking back into camp tmr noon. i've suffered alot of sandfly bites on my wrists, necks and face. i'm in utter despair cos the complexion of my face is destroyed. lolz!! it wil heal back in a couple of days. i've also suffered alot of scratches from charging thru all the branches and bushes. but i've very glad that its all over now! it was a good experience. hmmm.. i've met some old friends while i was there in Pasir Laba Camp. it was good seeing them again! haha.. alright then i'm signing out now. will update soon! ciao.

2006-01-04T23:30:00.000+08:00

i'm at home.. cos i just felt too stressful in camp.. not due to work overload but it's actually the other way round. these past 2 days i've been doing nothing other than sleeping & sleeping. until i couldn't sleep anymore. so i've been cleaning up the whole floor, sweeping & tidying up the rubbish. but still i felt bored.. so tonight i just wanna get away from camp.. supposedly due to return to camp by 2359 hours cos it's just a night's off but i guessed i shall be going back later in the morning.. gonna go to MOS later to destress myself. it'll be considered as AWOL but it isn't the first time i did it. ah whatever..

don't understand people, mainly myself.. really ought to meditate & straighten out my thoughts. i need to be at peace with myself instead of always going against it.. it's quite tiring mentally. i don't wish to flare out my tempered everyday in camp.. not good for my karma & relation-wise with people around me. Ommm....

Overdued Pics.. hehe

2006-01-02T06:31:00.000+08:00

Taken from my bunk.. - Meilin Camp

2006-01-02T06:30:00.002+08:00

Sispec Graduation Day!

i'll try to update more pics.. gotta find them first!

2006-01-02T06:30:00.001+08:00

Taken nearby Taipei 101.. & i'm looking at it.. damn it i wasn't ready!

2006-01-02T06:30:00.000+08:00

Taken at Ximen.. Shopping, Shopping, Shopping..

The morning after...

2006-01-02T01:34:00.000+08:00

haha.. wanted to blog yesterday.. but didn't feel like it after i logged in.. haha. anyway i didn't really went out for the new year eve celebration cos.. well i overspent my budget for this month & most of my friends were in camp, some were doing guard duties, some went over the causeway, some were too damn lazy & some were dry on cash like me! haha.. the reason why i'm low on cash is cos i had a 1 week leave this week so i basically spent it all on booze, cigarettes.. tonnes of it & other stuffs. so far i've basically watched "The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe" & "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of The Were-Rabbit" & "King Kong". well.. these all "pretty alright" movies i guess.. it seems like a boring 1 week that i had although there were alot of activities for me.. somehow the mood wasn't there. same goes for the new year.. it seems to be missing something special for me.. just can't make out what it is..

2005...
most memorable thing is that i've been enlisted to the army! haha.. i can't believe its not even a year yet! it seems so much longer that i've been in the army.. maybe cos i'd rotten my time out in camp most of the time. haha.. but i believe i'm a changed man. well for instance i'm not afraid of spiders anymore! lolz.. well.. i wouldn't really say totally. but its still a achievement. haha. if i'm not wrong, what made me overcome my fear was.. hmm.. a month ago i was having my UIP & i had to do this section training as a refreshment to the unit. i was just fucked my my RSM (regimental sergeant major) for one mistake that i did & somehow i was pissed by that.. so i called the section to charge into the vegetation & i didn't realise that my path infront was denser than the rest of my section-mates.. but at that time i was "hot" so what the heck.. i charged forward & the next thing i knew, i was covered with some thread-like substance.. i knew that it was spiderweb... eeuuuwwww.. but that's not all.. there was something on my forehead, about the size of a compact disk.. so without thinking i grabbed the thing & i felt it being squished in my hands.. & i was like (EEUUUWWW) X2 & throwing it aside at the same time.. soon after i wiped away all the webbings on my face. as i was doing that i noticed an even bigger spiderweb with a medium-sized arachnid on the center right infront of my path. then i was like whoa..... if i had charged forward about a yard more... haha.. at that moment i was feeling so disgusted & tired that i've totally forgotten about the fucking from my RSM. hahaha.. & that's how the story goes..

2006...
hmm.. thus far i hadn't made much resolution other than getting my printer fix or maybe buying a new one just so i can fulfil my next resolution which is to design another tattoo.. hahaha.. but before that, i'll have to get into shape.. kinda have been neglecting my fitness this whole week. beer belly is starting to form up. lolz!!

for christmas i had wished for santa to give me a better love life but maybe i've been on the naughty list this year thus i didn't get any.. so i'm wishing for the same thing this new year.. haha.. i'm not desperate mind you.. but it would be better to have someone by my side other than friends.. okay-okay.. i guess i'll be logging off now.. downloaded alot of videos due to 5 days of non-stop downloading.. my PC had been working overtime this week & it a record of 5 days straight. so i'm gonna watch all of it now! so ciao!!

Happy New Year!!

2006-01-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

End of 2005...

Happy New Year!! YAY!!!

Start of 2006...

okay.. that's all.. tata

China Black? What happen?!

2005-12-17T02:11:00.002+08:00

it's been a month since i've been posted to 2 SIR but still there's isn't anything much going on for us.. well my company at least. everyday its the same routine.. sleep - report at company line - eat - sleep - eat - sleep.. that's pretty much what i've been doing for this week.. our official appointment hasn't been confirm yet.. most probably it'll be another 2 weeks time. it's very mundane.. damn bored of my current lifestyle.. & this is something rare coming out of me. haha..

the wednesday's night i just had to book-out without permission. it's just to let myself loose for a while. i don't wanna die of boredom. eventually i ended up at china black.. it's been a long time since i went there & that night was supposedly a ladies night so i was expecting it to be alot of fun.. but maybe it just wasn't my night.. there were more guys than girls.. and there were aunties too! into their mid 50s i think.. what a turnoff!! i ended up buying alot of drinks to swing the mood back.. luckily the bartender was a friend of my friend.. so there were some discounts.. i managed to stay on till 4 plus in the morning & was just about to feel the kick but then my friends were getting sleepy.. & had to literally pull me away from the crowd.. sigh.. headed straight back to camp around 5 plus & i wasn't walking as straight as i wanted to.. i was a bit tipsy & somehow managed to get pass the camp guard! haha.. i got about an hour of sleep.. nap before i had to report back to my company line for the company turn-up audit. oh man.. i really a serious hangover.. eyes were very puffy & my body was shaking to some music although i was having a "temporary partially deaf symdrome..." hahaha... i must do this often!!

however next week the unit is having this exercise buckspeed- it's an outfield exercise which requires about 4 days. meaning we'll have to camp out & i'll be there as an observer again! sigh.. anyway that's pretty much the end of this post. a certain Jack Daniel's is waiting for me..cold & electrifying! ta-ta! haha

Apache!

2005-12-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

having my off now since wednesday.. monday was the posting to my new company.. somehow or rather i got into alpha company or otherwise known as apache company. word got around that it was the worst company in 2 SIR but it turned out to the exact opposite. the CSM is slack.. very slack! woo hoo!! that means good news to me.. lolz. most of the secom there are regulars.. so most likely the new specs like me will just be their 2nd-In-Charge. tuesday & wednesday was outfield but no appointment was confirmed yet during that time so we were tasked as observers which means doing nothing at all.. it was pretty boring but its better than digging up our own grave.. haha.

upon reaching back to our company line.. we had a little brief with the CSM. it seems that he doesn't have a clue to what to do with us, the new specs. since the position of secom in the company is currently occupied. so me & another friend will be going thru the platoon sergeant course due in february for roughly about 2 months. for some of you guys who doesn't know what the course is... well.. fast forward.. i'll get a rise in rank after the course is completed.. hahaha.. but what it means to me is a roof top over my 3rd sergeant rank so as to withstand all the pressure from those senior in ranks. right now my rank is just collecting all the stress & responsiblities.. haha.. i've a feeling some of you who read this might not understand.. well too bad.. find out for yourself! haha..

zouk-out tmr night! ciao guys!

2 SIR - Second to None

2005-12-03T03:30:00.000+08:00

okie now.. back to where i left off.. hmmm.. actually i came back from the overseas training weeks ago but i didn't really have time to update. basically the whole experience was very very tiring but meaningful. especially during the 4 days of R & R (rest & relaxation or recreation.. i forgot! haha) i kinda went over my budget.. spent around 1k sing dollars in just 4 days! i must make a note to never do that again! soon after i landed in Singapore, i had to book in the following sunday just so we can prepare for our graduation parade which didn't turn out too badly. lots of pics were taken & i'll post them asap.. well actually it depends whether i'm lazy or not. haha..

anyway i've got posted to 2 SIR which is situated in amoy quee camp. the camp itself is in a terrible state. it's somewhat rundown as it a very old camp. but i don't really mind cos to me any place other than tekong is better as it's closer to home. however as i'm in a unit, it means my sergeant rank don't really provide me with the same authority as in schools like bmtc or sispec. cos i've to do alot of outfield training & also try as much as i desire to, to achieve the unit's goal for glory. incidentally i've just completed my UIP (unit induction programme) set by the unit, which is supposed to help us settled in quickly by familiarizing ourselves with the unit. in my honest opinion.. i seriously don't feel motivated at all.. the unit seems tough & the targeted goals they set for us junior commander is very high, futhermore i feel that i've lost the spirit to go on my ns life going through outfield training. i'm sick of it, mentally & physically. but it seems that fate had already set this path for me so i'll just have to go thru it & hope that it won't be as bad as i've imagined.

regarding my life, it's currently inactive. i've just had my ears pierce well i think that's about the only interesting event that had taken place hmmmm... oh yah.. the NCC camp is also at the same camp as i am. in fact its just beside my unit. i ran past it numerous times this 2 weeks during the cadence run.. some of my friends got posted there. the job is basically slacking the whole day & they get to book out everyday cos it's based on office hours! less than 5 guys from my sispec course managed to be posted there! those damn bloody lucky bastards! it pisses me off when they complained how bored they are everyday doing nothing. sheesh! okay i'm signing off now. shall update whenever possible. ciao!

Bon Voyage!

2005-10-21T15:40:00.000+08:00

hiya.. its been a really long time.. i've got posted to the same school but taking a different course as advanced section leaders, ASLC. i've been shoved into Golf Company this time round.. and this had been like a few months back. anyway i think my new coy. sucks big time. in terms of discipline, administration & organisation. the only thing they are good at is giving welfare, maybe too much welfare for me. its too slack.

in this new course, there's much more focus on outfield area. all the battle drills & doing all the live firing. it's so safe during all the live firing that it worries me. what should i do during a real battle? a real war? there's so much restriction given to the live firing! but then again safety is a big issue otherwise i might not be here typing all this shit.

anyway the fasting month has already started a couple of weeks back and i'm finding it a bit hard to actually fast when there's so much running scheduled in the programmed. initially we were just supposed to just run in the army-half-marathon held at the padang hmm.. last month i think. anyway it was before the fasting begun & it was only a 12 km run, but then they decided to make us run the 22 km graduation run which is actually a norm before we go for the overseas trip. so i just had to suck my thumb and go thru it which i had just recently completed the past wednesday, within 2 hours. ... i'm not sure whether its because my batch is the last batch to go thru sispec course in tekong (we are moving to pasir laba camp, which is soooo near my house!) and all the unlucky shit had to befall upon us. like we were supposed to stay over another camp in mainland which i heard to be luxurious compared to tekong but some artillery company or whatever shit had to occupy the slot and! we were made to book-in and book-out everyday, in-and-out of tekong just to do our training and we can't changed our venue of training as all the ammunition and food rations had already been indented and we weren't allowed to cancel. its actually pretty tiring waking up as early as 4 am and getting back to tekong by 10 at night. all the unneccesary shit and i've went thru it. in a months time i'll passed out and will be getting my sergeant rank! and most importantly.. a pay raise!

actually the main reason why i had to blog right now is because i'll be going over to taiwan in about 5 -6 hours time and therefore will not have any opportunity to blog for 3 weeks. in other words i'll also be fasting over there in taiwan for the remaining 2 weeks and the celebrating my hari raya over there in taiwan. sigh.. i'm so reluctant to go. but then again i also can't wait to experienced the outfield environment in taiwan. lolz.. hmm.. i think there's nothing more i wanna say. so i guess i'll be signing off now. happy deepavali and hari raya puasa in advanced!! ciao!

The best of you . . .

2005-08-21T17:36:00.000+08:00

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SISPEC

2005-08-21T16:01:00.000+08:00

time seems to pass by so fast. 10 weeks of BSLC (basic section leader course) at Alpha Coy in SISPEC is gonna be over soon. by next week i'll be passing out from the course again. within this period at my "new" coy may not be as memorable as those at bmt but still i've learnt alot of new stuffs; weapons such as SAW, LAW, MATADOR, SAR 21, M203, BANGALORE, CLAYMORE MINE; lots of live firing & section live firing; plenty of "jungle" training plus chemical defence; & incredibly alot of running - 4km, 5km, 6km, 7km.. hmm.. there maybe some exercise which i might have missed out. haha.. anyway the previous week i'd just completed the digging of trenches which is so called the most tiring part of BSLC, but i don't really think so.. well.. maybe there's this freaking large rock which i had to dig out & also the humongous roots.. haha.. okay it was pretty tiring & everyone's morale was damn low cos they were dripping wet from their perspire-soaked uniform. the following last week is rather slack though, cleaning of all the arms, 16 km route march, combat training, physical training lectures & the graduation 32 km route march! oh.. i almost forgot about the 2nd happy hour we're gonna get back at my company line which involves lots of eating & lots of duty-free beer! lolz!! the last happy hour i drank 10 consecutive shots! gonna improve on that count soon.. lolz!!

the best thing about being so called promoted from the "recruit" status to any other rank is that we are able to book-in & book-out in civilian clothing! haha.

that summarizes the whole of my absent in my blog. seems rather short huh? so maybe i'll update more next week regarding my new posting. next week will also be the end of my private status cos i'll be upgrading to corporal! lolz!!! ciao!!

2005-08-14T18:55:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i last logged into bloggers. well..i don't really feel like updating now.. hahaha.. next time maybe. ciao!

2005-06-18T20:45:00.000+08:00

its really a waste of time going for for my medical at the aeromedical centre, plus its located at some ulu place in paya lebar. now i'll need to go for my third medical review on friday. sigh.. i hope to get it over & done with so they can process my application sooner.

few more days & i'll be booking in to tekong again! argh.. i hate that place. when my posting got out, i wasn't sure whether to feel happy or sad. happy cos i'll be together with most of my buddy in tekong. sad cos.. i'll be in tekong! so i was planning to get an mc just so i'll have few more days off. however thinking about it again, i'll miss most of the admin stuff & when i eventually get back, i'll be busy since i need to rush my admin stuff while the rest of the company slack. so i decided not to get an mc, but coincidentally yesterday i fell sick with the normal cough, flu & fever! argh.. hopefully i'll get better before i book in. cos being sick whilst in tekong is a terrible feeling cos we can never recover properly there. sigh..

alright then, i'll be signing off now. gotta take my medicine & rest early. ciao!

3 months of memories

2005-06-16T19:13:00.000+08:00

Bernice Outing

Times in Tekong

Siloso Beach Outing

Passing Out Parade! pop lor!!!

2005-06-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

i'm back! (for now..) lolz.. the past one month had been very tiring so that's why i hadn't been bloggin'. or otherwise you might say that i've been too lazy to type. haha.. anyway i've just passed out of bmt exactly a week ago. it wasn't as tearful as some of my friends had told me. it was mainly shagged to the bones for me. cos we rehearsed the whole damn parade for like 5-7 times? plus the damn school 2 officer who was in charge of the parade rehearsal. he likes to repeat himself in an irritating way while we stood on the parade ground waiting to just carry on with the rehearsal. on top of that, we had to perform the "lion roar", which is somewhat like a dance movement, before we throw our jockey caps in the air. right now i'm waiting for my posting which will be out this coming friday. 12 days of rest doesn't seem enough.. next week the torture & the shouting of commands will resume.. sigh.

now i'll summarize all that had happen after my field camp.the sit test which i was supposed to go thru didn't happened for me as i lack of route march mileage which is a criteria in order for me to go thru the 12 click route march to the camp site. so what i did during the 3 days was somewhat like the job of a store man, moving stuffs in & out of the 5-tonner, cleaning the area & all the stupid shit. however we were allowed to sleep in our bunks & more importantly bathe! haha.. of course we got that after much pleading to the sergeant major. lolz!!

the following week we had the live grenade throw. i burnt my finger after throwing the dummy grenade. i didn't realise that the metal inside to be so fucking hot. but throwing the actual grenade was extremely fun! the feeling of the ground trembling beneath me & the cloud of smoke hovering the area which the grenade landed. it was orgas!

anyway me & the rest of the guys who didn't do the sit test were attached to pegasus company soon after to finish up the sit test. i think i did quite well on the 2nd day onwards cos the 1st day i was only getting to know the guys in my section. the test wasn't as tough as i had imagined but the memorable incident was the so called 4 click fast march. as the sergeant leading the way made a wrong turn, the guys from ulysses ended up doing a 7 click run with our webbings & personal equipments. argh!

next that i did was the live range. i hit 28 out 32 shots & was awarded a marksmanship title & also an extra day leave! woo hoo!! lolz.. the live range itself took 2 whole day which last from morning to night. as there's daytime shooting & night time shooting. time seems to have slowed down over there as there was nothing else that we can do other than waiting for our turn. but of course we can take a nap but i wasn't able to sleep for that long so i just sat there looking at the clouds.. of smoke which i puffed out. haha..

the 2-3 weeks after was like a leisure time for us. we had a OC (officer-in-charge)night, recruit's night or CO night & the games day. i took part in the games day in the tug-of-war event but ended up losing in the 2nd round to the eventually winners from whiskey. they are a bunch of bloody big pes C guys. we manage to hold for 5 mins but somehow there was a mix up in instruction & lost our focus. damn it! if we had won, i could have gotten another extra day leave. haha..

the dreaded SOC (standard obstacle course) was held the week after. i managed to complete the whole obstacle but didn't do so well on the timing. maybe because i took my time before each obstacle.. haha.. can't really blame me cos it was my first time doing the whole thing as i had missed the lesson due to some reason & because of that i didn't expect to be so tired when i reach the first obstacle after the 700 metres run down. oh well.. i think i'll have plenty of opportunities to improve myself in the future.

finally we had our arduous 24 click route march. i think its something like walking from one end of Singapore to the other end. it was really all that tiring but it was painful walking with all the blisters on both feet. sometimes i hop to move forward & sometimes i was limping like an elderly as i try walking on the sides of my feet. haha.. but the atmostphere was great as the route march was conducted on a school level led by the CO of school 2(i'm not sure what CO stands for but its something like being in charge of school 2), meaning the entire of school 2 was doing the march together! try imagine that plus all the singin that we did.

basically that was what i did during my days in bmt. haha.. all the fond memories, all the pumping & all the rules that we broke! lolz..

2005-05-02T12:10:00.000+08:00

back from field camp on friday.. book back in on saturday.. book out again on sunday.. & i'll be bookin' back in later at 7. why does it seem like i've nothing better to do? because i'd to serve my confinement on sunday. did something against the rules of my company. haha.. bleahz..

field camp was very very tiring. was feeling shag everyday, esp the last 2 days. but it was fun! all the bonding my platoon shared including with all the sergeants. i didn't feel too well throughout the 1 week of field camp since i hadn't recovered fully from my high fever. my body shut down by itself a couple of times. my breathing just stopped when i use my body to the limit. mind over body? no such thing however. maybe my mind was too weak. well.. at least i managed to complete my field camp.

coming up next will be my sit test. it will take up 3 days in the outfield. just like field camp but this test will determine our leadership abilities. right now i don't have the mood for it. damn mood swings. hopefully i can pull it off.

the month of may.. full of birthdays.. so a happy birthday to all whose was born on this month. plus i'm missing alot of people.. sigh.. it's better for me to be shag. alright gonna rest now. ciao.

2005-04-29T23:55:00.000+08:00

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to call my phone, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely

2005-04-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

hehe.. wonder why i'm blogging? cos i went to see the doctor yesterday for a check up on my condition. anyway the medication from the army doesn't seem to work on me & asked for a mc just in case. oh boy, am i glad i asked for it. cos this morning, my fever came back & i started to vomit. took the new medication & i feel good now! hahaha.. i'm good to go now! ready for the field camp!

so in all i had 3 days of much needed rest. hmmm.. but actually i only need it while i was sick, once i'd recovered, i kinda missed tekong! lolz.. it's true. i miss all the training & i can't wait to book in tmr! anyway i was supposed to have my officer interview this morning sigh.. i hope they can make another arrangement for me.

hmmm.. eh.. nothing else to say. hehe.. ciao!

2005-04-20T11:59:00.000+08:00

i'm back at home.. why? cos i went AWOL! haha.. just kidding. actually i was sent back home yesterday by the medical officer in tekong. apparently i had a very high fever, 39.8 deg. anyway if it weren't for the constant nagging from my friends, i wouldn't have seek treatment. i finally budge when my temperature hit 39.0 deg.. by then it was already 9 at night & there wasn't a chance i could have made the last fastdraft home, so i had to stay in at the sick bay overnight.

hmmm.. i'm still feeling sick so i'll just cut short..

will be booking in later at 0730 hrs.. & was informed that i'll have an interview for the officer position tmr at 8. hmm.. i feel so weak now & i'm not sure if i can do well tmr. anyway, what's more important is whether i can survive the field camp this coming saturday with my current condition. sigh.. alright gotta rest now. ciao.

2005-04-17T14:09:00.000+08:00

don't feel like booking in.. hmm.. but no choice. good thing about ns is that i've cut down on smoking.. haha.. from a pack a day to a pack per week! even when i book out, i don't feel like smoking. except when i'm with my friends. right now i only wanna sleep but i can't cos i'll have to go to beach road to purchase stuffs for the field camp. anyway even if i sleep, i'll wake up in a couple of hours cos i'm too used to sleeping for short periods in tekong. however i feel too lethargic to get my ass off the house... hmm.. am i talking rubbish? eh whatever.. bleahz

i've thought of a new tattoo. it's small & it represent an ending of a chapter. but i don't have the time to do it plus i've not thought of a position on my body to place it. hmm.. but most probably i'll have it done after i pass-out from bmt, during the 1 week break.

anyway i only wanna wish an early happy birthday to my friend. take care always. cherios!

2005-04-16T22:07:00.000+08:00

finally get to rest.. even though its just 2 short days.. it's better than nothing. was really shagged when i reached home earlier, slept the whole day trying to get plenty of rest. doing guard duty was rather fun due to the extra freedom that we get. no restriction to the amount of cigarettes, & prowling around bmtc as we get to familiarize with the place. but its very tiring at the end of it. i managed 6 rounds around bmtc ~ roughly around 16 to 17 km. each detail will prowl 2 rounds for 2 hours & rest for 4 hours. so i did 3 sets of those. actually i was supposed to prowl the last 2 rounds which was around 4 in the morning but my buddy & me swapped with the guys doing the sentry duty as they wanted to get a chance to prowl. i was more than happy to acknowledge them cos i was very shagged & sleepy at that time. sentry duty is to just stand at the arrival gate but since no fastdraft will come at that time of the night, the sergeant-in-charge told us to just sit down.. well.. i fell asleep.. haha..

not getting enough rest due to guard duty, my cough worsened. i didn't report sick as they will give us 2 days of light duties. meaning i'll have to do all the stupid stuffs such as cleaning the company or carry some stuffs while those fighting fit recruits do their training. if there's really nothing for us to do then we'll just sit down in a corner waiting for the training to end. & that is extreme boredom. so i cough non-stop throughout the week, causing lack of sleep & bloodshot eye in the morning. but i don't really care much..

1st week of bmt, i had my first IFC (individual field craft) training. my first lesson was to camouflage myself. applying the facial camou cream was fun the first time, but applying & removing the cream numerous time felt really uncomfortable. then we had to stuff on our uniform to cover up the outline of our body. the first try i opted for long grasses & i end up with deep cuts on my fingers totalling up to 20 cuts on my left fingers alone. the 2nd try i decided to use ferns. this time i managed to cover up myself fully. but since i was the only guy to use excesive ferns to cover up compared to the rest, the instructor called me fern-guy.. duh! another recruit placed 2 large leaf on his back & they called him fairy.. cos it looks like wings. haha..

next week i'll be having my first field camp starting on saturday till friday. meaning it'll be another confinement for 2 weeks.. its gonna be very tiring.. hopefully it'll be fun.

1 month plus had alredy passed.. it seems so fast. soon i'll pass-out from bmt. hopefully i'll get the posting that i want. & recently a career talk from the army came by for a talk. i applied for an officer role in guards. not sure if i can get in. i'm just trying my luck.. haha.. but i really get it then i'll be busy & won't have much time for civilian life.. hmm...

okie i'm gonna rest now & watch tv.. so see ya around in 2 weeks time. ciao!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'll be there for you

These five words I swear to you

When you breathe I want to be the air for you

I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you

Steal the sun from the sky for you

Words can't say what a love can do

I'll be there for you

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Guard Duty

2005-04-09T18:07:00.000+08:00

getting sick in tekong doesn't feels good since we aren't able to sleep in & get enough rest. & as if that isn't bad enough, i've only have a few hours to enjoy back in mainland cos i've got to book back in later at 9 since i was "selected" to do guard duties. actually we had to draw lots, so together with 4 more others, we happen to have the unfortunate luck of being the odds ones. sigh.. i was looking forward to get some good rest this weekend. my joints are aching.. but now i'll just have to suck my thumb & do my duties..

nothing more to say now.. see ya next weekend.. ciao

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano

Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don't know

'Cause a bottle of vodka is still lodged in my head

And some blond gave me nightmares

I think she's still in my bed

As I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead

With an ironclad fist I wake up and french kiss the morning

While some marching band keeps its own beat in my head

While we're talking

About all of the things that I long to believe

About love and the truth and what you mean to me

And the truth is baby you're all that I need

I want to lay you on a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails

I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is

And lay you down on bed of roses

Well I'm so far away

That each step that I take is on my way home

A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night

Just to see through this payphone

Still I run out of time

Or it's hard to get through

Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you

I'll just close my eyes and whisper, baby blind love is true

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails

I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is

And lay you down on bed of roses

The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry

The barkeeper's wig's crooked

And she's giving me the eye

I might have said yeah

But I laughed so hard I think I died

When you close your eyes

Know I'll be thinking about you

While my mistress she calls me

To stand in her spotlight again
Tonight I won't be alone

But you know that don't

Mean I'm not lonely

I've got nothing to prove

For it's you that I'd die to defend

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails

I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is

And lay you down on bed of roses

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

2005-04-03T13:12:00.000+08:00

it seems that whenever i book out, i'll definately get sick. last week was high fever, this week i had heavy cough plus flu. my body seems to be indicating to me that i should stay in tekong, cause i've was never sick during my time there. haha.. i don't really mind actually.. staying there isn't really that bad.. haha..

my 2nd book out was in such a rush that i forgot to bring my house keys with me.. so i had to travel down to my mum's workplace & get the keys from her.. with my dirty & wet & not to mention heavy laundries in my field pack. it was very troublesome.

well.. i really have nothing much to blog about.. will be booking in later in the evening.. so i wanna get some rest now.. so i'm signing off for now..

2005-03-26T03:43:00.000+08:00

back from tekong temporarily & i'm darker than ever. i was shocked how dark i was when i look at the mirror in my room. anyway, life in army is kinda slack. the training was alright. unsuprisingly smoking is limited even though i'm appointed as the smoking i/c. the smokers in my platoon even painted a table & a bench just to earn an extra smoke. but i must admit that we did a really good job. haha.. i was initally looking forward to losing weight but instead, i've gain a few kilos.. maybe its the extra added muscles. i've also joined the drill squad. hopefully i'm good enough to represent my company for the competition. plus i've heard that my company, Ulysses coy has always excelled in drill competion. had my first drill training on bookout day, & i managed to soak my shirt with my sweat thoroughly. haha.. i've never perspire so much during all the other training, even when i ran more than 8 laps on the track.

didn't encounter any beings from below. although my platoon mates has. it spooked me a bit.. well alot actually. so paranoid that i slept on the floor away from the windows. woke up the next morning with tonnes of aches on my body. since i had been unfortunate at not encountering any spirits, me & some of my mates decided to spook the others by doing a "make-over" on my of my mate & going from bunk to bunk scaring the others. but i was really shagged that night so i fell asleep instead of staying up. so they turned on me. my mate sat on bed with all the white powder & a bedsheet over him. haha.. he was the ugliest "ghost" i've ever seen. so i just gave him a hard whack & continue sleeping.

didn't really went out today cos i wanted to rest, anyway i was burning with high fever. hmm.. nothing else to write now.. so cya around.

2005-03-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

i'm off..

2005-03-09T00:52:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm just too nervous about this coming saturday but that's just immpossible. anyway that still doesn't explain how i could light up the wrong end of a cigarette.. twice! cigarettes are expensive these days.. tsk.. what a waste! hmm.. i might be day-dreaming then.. & that's something i shouldn't do while i'm at tekong. hehe.. otherwise it spells more punishment.. geez.. i just can't wait!

my bag is fully packed except for undies.. haha.. unfortunately they don't allow boxers.. i've not worn one since my primary school days.. hmm.. it's gonna get awfully uncomfortable.. hehehe.. it's just so tight!

man utd match is coming up later.. i hope they can pull off a miracle & win at san siro. it would be the best farewell gift! lolz.. well.. 2nd best gift.. anyway i should get some sleep now.. ciao!

2005-03-07T14:06:00.000+08:00

yawn.. i'm so sleepy.. just woke up & i'm bored instantly. feeling so lethargic. haha..

hmm.. today is monday right? so it's 5 more days. already packed most of the stuffs except toiletries. & my friends told me to bring 10-15 hangars! whoa.. that's a lot! but i'll only be bringing 5.. its the biggest bag that i have & it's almost full.. i kept on thinking that i've missed out something. well.. the heck with it.

called up the tattoo shop to make my final appoinment. but guess what? it's fully booked throughout this whole week! argh! so i'm guessing that i'll just make one after i booked out. i hope i have the free time.. my friends have already booked me.. & i think my mum will want me to do something around the house..

still feeling sleepy.. zzzz.. i think i'll hit the bed again. hahaha.. ciao

2005-03-03T01:50:00.000+08:00

knowing that most of my friends, including some girls, who had already went for NS & some even had ord from it really made me feel so left out. i'm like so lagging.. but then again, i'm already sick of it even before i serve my time. everytime i went out with my NS friends, all they do is talk about their army or police experiences or whatever. i manage to understand some of the stuffs they talk about but most of the time, i'm left hanging.. wondering what the heck they are talking about. haha.. i'm tired of hearing the same shit from different groups of friends. sigh.. i wanna go in right now! the anxiety is killing me. i wanna taste the torture personally. haha..

i've concluded that i feel more at ease with having relationship with chinese girls. sigh.. this is so perplexing. i'm expect loads of hardship. i don't understand why i can't click well with my own race other than being friends. i don't dare to think how my family life would be in the future. maybe i'll be a bachelor for the remaining of my life.. hmm.. it'll be very lonely.. =(

maybe i should just concentrate on my career for the future. or just donate my little ones to the bank to continue on my heritage! lolz.. oh well.. whatever.. signing off now..

2005-03-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

apart from biting my own tongue, until it bled, from eating chips & accidentally "drinking" prickly heat powder, mistook it for my green tea, nothing interesting happen today. well i did keep away from smoking for 24 long long hours yesterday. but i'm back to smoking today. haha.. i am trying to cut down slowly.. hmm.. less than 2 weeks before i head off to tekong & i've packed my bag pack! haha.. i'm good to go! just can't wait.. however, the only preparation i've done thus far is cutting down on my tobacco intake.. maybe i should get my fitness level up? nah.. can't be bothered.. but i am gaining weight.. sigh..

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gemini - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go.
You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire.
You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you.

Your negative traits:

You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person.
You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships.
Not the most emphathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems.

Your ideal partner:

Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested.
Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave.
An open minded person, who's willling to have a non-traditional relationship.

Your dating style:

Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy.

Your seduction style:

Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice.
Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet.
Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing.

Tips for the future:

Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast.
Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can.
Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

i'm bored..

2005-02-26T03:09:00.000+08:00

Life Is (still) Beautiful

even with all the downs..

finally realized it after 6 months? & also after two hours of bad luck suffered. haha.. it was just crazy. maybe someone out there had place a curse on me. i accidentally knocked my head against the wall, trip over the side of the bed, spilled my green tea on the floor, had my fingers slammed with the doors, spilled hot water on my arm, had my finger hurt by my PC (i somehow got my finger jammed) & finally my body, except for my thing, was overwhelmed by rashes.. i knew i should have bathe! haha.. it was a miserable two hours for me.. so i decided to sleep through it. either my brain had stop functioning causing me to self-inflict all the shit or some crazy bitch/bastard did some hocus pocus voodoo on me. but amazingly when i woke up, i felt happy out of the blue. it was just relaxing.. i hope this isn't some mental issue though. hehe..

i think i'm gonna stop now, the rashes are killing me. i've used up one whole tube of ointment. sheesh! but it's still so itchy..

2005-02-25T02:47:00.000+08:00

man utd lost.. milan looked like the better team but man utd had the better chances. but at least i'm contend that they didn't lose as badly as arsenal did. hahaha..

looking back at my previous entries, i realized that i made alot of typos. kinda embarrassing.. hmm.. maybe i should stop typing so much. that will minimise the typos. hehe.. but then again, who really reads my entries? & does anyone visits my blog, apart from me, for that matter?? my tagboard hasn't had much activity! so i assume no one comes to this lonely blog.. well.. it's just the way i like it! haha.. cos i'm pretty much entertaining myself by blogging. reading thru my entries whenever i'm bored.. it's sometimes suprising to find out all the rubbish i've been blabbering about. haha.. just like what i'm doing now. typing down anything i'm thinking instantly.. i'm so lonely.. & lame.. oh yes i am..

nowadays i can't go anywhere without my cigarettes & my cough drop. haha.. they come together in pairs. & if you ever caught me with tears rolling down my cheek, don't be mistaken. i'm not sad, most probably i've just had a bad cough.. yeah it happens frequently. & i'm starting to cough out these clear slimy liquid.. is it phlegm? i'm not sure. but its sure is disgusting. my immune system is deteriorating. it used to be so good, maybe i'm really getting old. sigh..

ok.. now my mind is a complete mess.. everything is whirling in my head.. so that means i'm stopping now. so long.

2005-02-22T01:29:00.000+08:00

have no clue why i'm bloggin. feeling so damn tired now.. you know.. i'm getting old.. i'm so sleepy but i'm a bloodied shirt & a bloodied back & i've not bathe yet. don't feel like it cos i know i'll feel refresh afterwards. & will probbaly stay up all night staring at the four walls, the ceiling & the floor. staring myself silly until i get sleepy. yeah that sounds lame but i'm lame so it isn't suprising huh?

some interesting things that i can blog about is well.. hmm.. okay.. my trusted tatto artist / buddy gave me a large pat on my back. a few minutes after he did the touch-up! ouch! what the heck were you thinking? alright alright.. so it didn't really hurt that much.. i was play acting.. but it was fun watching you being reprimanded by your boss! hahaha.. sorry dude. so the pat was like a gesture upon completing my first tattoo? well.. finally! duh.. its been like ermm.. couple of months? well okay.. i did missed out a few appointments due to hangovers & oversleeping.. haha.. so when will the tattoo on my arm is gonna be completed? i'm going to tekong on the 12th of march dude.. 2 more weeks!

was kinda shagged when i reached home earlier.. lack of sleep i guess.. haha.. i did the most stupidiest thing. using my ez link, i was trying to open the frontdoor! haha.. i wasn't even drunk or anything.. lame right? i even held the card at the keyhole & wondering why it wouldn't beep. my brain is officially down people.

oklah.. i think i'm gonna bathe now. maybe after a puff. ciao!

2005-02-21T01:08:00.000+08:00

i feel like an outcast today.. hmm.. watever. just can't wait to get into tekong. i might get thrashed there but at least it'll keep me occupied.

blah blah blah.. dunno what to say..

oh yah.. i coughed out blood today.. hmm.. no biggie right? i meant it's not a big deal right?

tataz now..

2005-02-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

when i was younger, ahem! back in secondary school, i always wanted to look older so that i can buy cigarettes without gettin' caught or asked for my I.C. but after two incidents today, i really wished i could look younger. well, lookin like someone of my age. early afternoon, i was buyin a packet of cigarettes & i was asked for my I.C. sounds good eh? but then the cashiers disputed about my age. one said that i looked old enough so why bother to asked for my I.C. & there i was standing right infront of them.. i was like.. "okay.." nonetheless i showed them my I.C. & they were like.. "oh god! you're only 20.." another cashier said.. ".. you look like you're 24-26.." i mean come on.. do i really look that old?! sigh.. by the way, they are all females, otherwise it would be kinda weird for them to saying such stuffs to me.. & there's a price hike as well.. marlboro now cost $11.. sheesh!

another incident took place when i was on my way home.. i didn't feel too well so i decided to drop off at jurong east & took a cab there. in the cab, the driver was asking me for directions & guess what he called me?? "ah.. uncle ah.." i was really controlling myself then. what the fuck are you addressing me by? the driver was like in his late 40s & he dared to call me uncle??!! that's too much of an exaggeration! i don't mind if a small cute kid had called me uncle.. but he was twice my age! argh..!!

hmm.. i was kinda being long-winded.. sigh.. i'm feeling very very old right this moment.. not to mention the sore back i'm having now.. walking around the house ever so gingerly.. you guys can start calling me old man dham.. i'm accept the fate.. sigh..

caught constantine again earlier.. wasn't too busy coughin this time around, so i managed to catch the few scenes which i had missed out. i really feel like i should quit smoking once & for all. in my mind right now is a scene of me having cancer.. just like john & my late father. consumed 30 sticks for today alone. but i still don't think i'm addicted to it. just to be on the safe side though. since i've been coughin for 2 weeks straight even after i'd finished my medication. i do fear for my life no matter the number of times i felt, wanting to be dead. there's still so much i can do in my future, so much i can contribute.. i think.. hmm.. hopefully. cos right now, my future looks very bleak. i feel like i've just reached the end of the road. although there's still a matter of national service i need to carry out for 2 years, i'm stuck as to what i should do after that. should i try to work for the very first time in my life? or should i continue my studies? if i get myself a job, it might not neccesary have to do with my diploma, then why the heck did i wasted the years at poly for? if i pursue my education, i fear job opportunities might be slimmer by the time i complete my studies. sigh.. headache.. stressed.. unfortunately life goes on, it won't wait for me to make a decision. time is indeed precious. crap!

i guess i'll be stopping here for now.. after all the shit i've talked about wanting to quit smoking, it's real funny that i'm smoking while typing about it.. haha.. on with my 2nd stick now.. what a dofus i am!! 'till here then. ciao.

2005-02-19T01:23:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. i suddenly felt like bloggin' but my mind is a complete blank! what shall i write about? hmmm.. okay.. in 3 weeks time i'l be headin to tekong for my government service. haha.. finally man.. had been waitin' since august last year. now, i really can't wait to get in! give me all the chores, all the trainin', all the punishment. i don't care about all that right now. i'll complain later. haha.. & i've persuaded my mum not to accompany me there cos if she does so, then she'll have to head back to singapore on the ferry alone. what sucks is that i'll have to report at tekong at 0830 hrs in the morning! meanin' i'll have to catch the transport at pasir ris around 0730 hrs! its totally crap man.. i live on the other end of singapore! plus, i'll have to try waking up at 0600 hrs instead of sleeping at 0600 hrs.. hehe.. my sleeping hours are so whacked up eversince i've graduated. i wonder how my NS life is gonna be? i'll probably suffer alot, get a whole lot darker & maybe turn gay?? well, hopefully not. haha.. it'll be such a waste.

hmmm.. alright i think i'll shall turn in early now. gotta wake up early tmr.. ciao.

2005-02-13T20:53:00.000+08:00

updating my blog is such a rarity these days & it will be an even unlikely for me to blog after my enlistment to tekong. anyway there's nothing much i could think of for me to blog.. since my daily life is a scheduled routine. watched constantine during the weekend & both of us have a thing in common. both of us started smokin about the same age, john started at 15 & me 14, haha.. but he certainly smokes more than me! i only manage 20 plus sticks.. & the more i try to cut down, the more i'll smoke the next day! i'm not so fortunate to have the tars removed from within me like john is.. so i'll probably pass on early, may it be a descend to a lower or upper level. i don't care..

i'm getting sick at least once every month. a bad start to the new year. have been coughing heavily since monday & decided not to visit the doctor until each cough caused me abdominal pains. so i forced my sorry ass to my favourite clinic opposite my blk. haha.. it's my favourite cos it's like a man utd fanbase! haha.. poster upon poster related to man utd is pasted on every wall space. it's a bit crazy coming from a clinic but i love it! no complains.. haha..

the derby has started so i'm signin off now.. ciao!

2005-02-02T06:06:00.000+08:00

hadn't been blogging for a long long while as i was rather "busy" & also lazy at times.. gosh! that rhymes. haha.. anyway i'm just gonna be blogging awhile. staying up late hasn't been this good for a long time as the Red Devils emerge victorious against the noisy arsenal bitches. man utd won by 4 goals to 2 with a man down on the 69th minute & it was played at highbury. haha.. how sweet. now i can sleep soundly.. man this feels so damn good. nighty night now.. tataz.. lolz..

Sick

2005-01-05T01:12:00.000+08:00

down with heavy flu.. crappy feeling. blocked nose & always ended up with used tissue all over. so far i've finished up one box. more to come as usual.

i've been having thesame dreams everynight for about a month. what does it mean? it gonna happen to me? or maybe the reason i've been having these dreams is cos i've been thinking too much about it? sigh.. get out of my freaking head!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Fade To Black

Life it seems, will fade away

Drifting further every day

Getting lost within myself

Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live

Simply nothing more to give

There is nothing more for me

Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be

Missing one inside of me

Deathly lost, this can't be real

Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me

To the point of agony

Growing darkness taking dawn

I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late

Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed

Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

What Crap!

2005-01-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

heh heh.. paiseh.. >_<.. found the bag in school! lolz.. hmm.. i was really sure that i had brought it home. well.. =P. i went to far east to continue with my appointment. this time around was the face. it was so so painful. the worst so far. crap! not only that, it was freezin cold too & i wasn't wearing my shirt. now i'm sick.. the usual fever, flu & sore throat. what a major drag. went straight to school to check the project room locker. suprisingly the lock was still intact! hehe.. i thought they would have already snap it off since i've already graduated & it has been 3-4 months now? anyway i opened the lock & was delighted to see the bag!! woo hoo.. the main thing is that the stuff are in there. =P the year doesn't seem so bad afterall.. hehe..

decided to hang around school for a while with my friends before heading out for dinner. went on to play billiards. haha.. i'm so bad at this.. & i can't even remember when was the last time i handled the stick! so obviously i sucked at it earlier.. sucked at it big time. yea.. whatever.. i blame it all to the pain on my back & the fever plus the runny nose. bleahz..

the throbbing pain on my back is bothering me alot. i guess i'm gonna rest now. hmm.. well.. bye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left

We all fall down like toy soldiers

Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win

But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

2005-01-02T09:36:00.000+08:00

bloody crap!!! was supposed to go out for a game of street soccer but it rain! that would be fine. but as i was packing the stuffs for the game before the rain came pouring down, i could not find my le coq sportif sling bag!!! argh!! fuck fuck fuck. i don't really care if the bag is burned or shreded into pieces. its the stuffs inside that i really care about. stuffs that are very very personal to me. full of sentimental stuffs. damn it. damn it. i wonder if it was misplaced during the shifting of my new cupboard. was it thrown away by accident? or maybe it is in school? sigh.. i'll be going to school on monday morning to check then. hopefully its there. sigh.. only the 2 day of the new year & my luck is already going downwards. argh!! i've a feeling this is gonna be the worst year for me. damn it damn it.

2005

2005-01-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

went for two more sessions over the past 2 weeks. firstly, i had the tail portion shaded. it really hurts that time cos i had just recovered & i was still feeling very weak. the first night was painful, bathing was a chore. after a few days, it dried up & shed itself. hmm.. i'm not too sure about this. was it supposed to do that? anyway i went for my 3rd session the past monday, only to be told that my appointment was on sunday! haha.. maybe i shouldn't have drank so much on christmas eve! & on christmas! spent my sunday sleeping.. sheesh. unfortunately he was busy on that day, so i had to come the next day. i was hoping to finished my the 2 wings & the head portion. but it had to be delayed cos he was feeling under the weather & only managed to shade in 1 part of the wings. crap!

actually right now i've just woke up. spent the whole of the countdown at east coast. the rain was really a drag. spoilt everything. the mood got better after 1 in the morning. started drinking.. & i was wasted.. bloody wasted. there were probably around 5 - 8 people with 2 bottles jack daniels (1 large, 1 small) & 3 bottles of blackcat. we also brought a couple bottles of coke.. but it was barely touched. the 2 blackcats & the large jack daniel was finished up within an hour. &.. hmmm... can't really remember what happen next. i only know that i drank quite a lot. if the tsunami were to occur then.. i don't think i'm able to do much. just lay there being wasted. haha. hmmm.. someone was shouting (don't know who), i remember going into the tent to shut my eyes only to come out within a minute cos it was very stuffy inside the tent. & then i was carried around.. woke up in the morning with my pants down. wasn't really sure of my surrounding. took a cab home & puke inside the cab.. all the way from east coast to jurong. the cab driver was nice, gave me a plastic bag & rock sugar. but he talked way too much.. puke some more when i reached home & was dead after a quick shower. hahaha..

hmm.. just realised that its a new year today!! no resolution for me this year. maybe i'll make some out along year. happy NEW YEAR guys...

i'm still feeling a bit groggy now. i think i'll just lie down....

My Sanctuary

2004-12-13T06:26:00.000+08:00

life hasn't been great today. was feeling down since morning.. tried to sleep it off but couldn't. turned on the tv earlier at 4 in the morning & caught a christmas animation / musical (there were alot of singing). the movie is called "Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights" it certainly touched my heart & cheered me up.

Sypnosis

When extremely disgruntled small-town guy Davey Stone (voiced by Sandler) faces another holiday season in his New England hometown, he does what he always has - he screws up big and lands in jail. Davey's old basketball referee, Whitey, bails him out with the bright idea of putting Davey to work doing community service. But Davey turns his sentence into a daily disaster for Whitey and the whole town! After a few surprises - including the mysterious reason for Davey's bad attitude and the reappearance of a childhood sweetheart - Davey might find a reason or two to change his ways.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

had been coughing so much that my lungs hurts whenever i cough. my throat so sore & the damn itch on my back is becoming very unbearable. argh.. & it seems that my sick body is rejecting nicotine intake cos whenever i tried to smoke, i'll feel like puking. however though, the addiction is still there, the urge to smoke.. & puking on the 3rd puff. no good.. no good.

hmm.. my sanctuary.. well i just wanna find a sanctuary from problems & troubles in my life. downright impossible but i can hope can't i?

the end.. good night. oops.. i mean morning! bleahz..

2004-12-11T03:00:00.000+08:00

had been coughing blood for 3 days now. the cough is so loud that it could be heard at every corner of the house. my mum was fast to associate it with smoking. oh man.. she had been nagging & nagging.. she was nagging when she left the house for work in the morning & the first thing she does when she got back from work was to nag some more.. bleahz..

nothing much happen to me. was at home whole day slacking & chatting, smoking & drinking. mundane lifestyle i'm leading right now. hmmm.. oh well.. nothing much to blog so arrivederci guys.

2004-12-10T01:35:00.000+08:00

my mum held an open-house especially for her friends who had been bugging her. i was helping her out with some of the cooking & most of the cleaning up after all the guest had gone home. i really hate these sort of events.. i stayed in my room to avoid talking with them. cos they really ask alot of questions.. bleahz.. haha..

my back is starting to itch alot.. argh.. & i'm not allowed to scratch it.. i'm bearing it everyday.. it does look a bit dry.. probably cos the skin is healing up.. i've just applied some moisturizer. picked up the tip from some website. i really can't wait to get it done!! thinking back.. the process actually hurts but i manage to distract my mind.. oh well.. since i've already started.. might as well finish it.

aloha people..

My wish (partially done)

2004-12-08T01:38:00.000+08:00

hadn't had a decent sleep due to the discomfort situated on my back. had to sleep on my side, although its how i usually sleep but its still wasn't comfy. i guess "no pain no gain". it wasn't really as painful as i thought it would be but it is very boring & very uncomfortable. sat at the chair for 3 whole hours with a few minutes of break every now & then. the guys there are cool. very brotherly. haha.. the older dude said "welcome to the club" which i think is true, cos i might be there again adding something else in the future. well, who knows really.

monday was only the first session, only did the outlining cos to complete the whole design would take a very long time as it is really big. on the 16th i'll be doing the shading for the tail & other appoinments for the rest of the shading. probably another 2-3 more sessions.

initially i thought of having a potrait of a person. i even brought along a photo. however the artist, being experieced & all, advised me not to as it is "foolish" (by his words). & so i decided to stick with the original design, what a damper. bleah..

woke up with aches & feeling sore all over my upper body. applying the "salvon cream" (antiseptic cream) on my upper back was rather difficult & tedious cos i can't really reach that part of the area. & i don't really have anyone (who knows about it) to apply it for me. so the stretching exercise during my primary school days really help alot. it was certainly but unexpectedly helpful. hahaha..

i'll be putting up the on display only when it is finished. oh yah.. the deisgn cost 700 bucks!! what the hell was i thinking??!! lolz.. hmmm.. anyway.. ciao.

2004-12-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

man it had been tiring these few days.

i'd my new wardrobe installed on friday. very cool, very nice.. i like it! later that evening, on the same day i went out with my friends for some shopping. might as well cos i hadn't been buying any clothes lately. ended up with 4 new shirts & spent the rest of the night survey tattoo parlour.

on saturday, i cleaned my room again for the 2nd time in less than a month! whoa.. the world is gonna end!! lolz.. very very tiring.. stoped halfway thru as my back gave way again.. sigh.. very painful.. at the end of the day everything seems to be in place.. well.. more or less.

today i actually done it! oh god oh god.. what am i doing??!! bleahz.. who cares.. watched a soccer match that my friend was involved in at an isolated field. nearby the british council.. kinda creepy looking with all the empty, dirty looking houses. later in the day, we chill out at the a fast food outlet, smoking till we drop & chatting about dumb stuffs. hahaha.. very very tired right now. ouch.. my back..

all i can say is that tmr is a very very big day for me. once done, there is no turning back. well.. there is but its gonna cost alot of $$$. feeling very nervous & scared but excited & thrilled at the same time.

ciao..

2004-12-01T14:57:00.000+08:00

there is just no end to it.

new year's coming. i'm hoping to transformed myself into another person (for the better or worse )by the start of the new year at least. well.. i'll try.

nowadays i'm slow at catching things. so if anyone wants to let me know something, let it be direct & straight-forward. otherwise i'll probably fail to get it, or my mind will be filled up with questions & more questions.

i'll be expecting a make-over of my room early next month. so excited about it. heard that the outcome is rather nice, of course, since i designed it myself. bleah.. alot of stuffs are gonna be thrown out cos there's alot of junk in my room right now. hahaha.. papers upon papers upon papers.. some i don't even know where it came from. haha..

sorry guys for not coming for the outing on sunday. i reached home around 8 in the morning. can't remember much as i was kinda drunk & extremely tired. sleep for more than 12 hours after that. haha.. i woke up, walked to the kitchen window feeling dazed & went straight back to my bed & continued sleeping. like a walking zombie. haha..

1st festive outing

2004-11-28T02:40:00.000+08:00

just reached home from a hari raya outing with my secondary school buddies. damn i'm so tired & very very full now. visited 12 houses in total & had in meal in almost each houses. my poor tummy.. however the mood was great! however most of us were too tired by the time we reached the last house. some of us took a nap there.. including me! haha.. who wouldn't be tired when we have been house visiting for more than 12 hours?

i think there's a problem with kids seeing botak guys. what's so interesting? there was that time when i was botak & i was eating ice-cream, a kid saw me & shouted out.. "botak eating ice-cream!".. duh! then earlier in the day as we were making a move from the first house, a kid standing at the window along the corridor saw me & shouted.. "eh! botak!" duh!! it was even louder then the first one. sheesh.. do i look funny when i'm botak? hahaha.. well, at least the guys thought so. had a good laugh out of it. haha..

anyway i'm supposed to go out again tmr for another outing with another group. hmmm.. not sure if i'm able to wake up in time. hehe.. just had extreme dose of coffee to keep me awake. hopefully it will last me till tmr!

anyway i'm going out again, a friend asked me out to hang out at some coffeeshop or somewhere decent to chill. haha.. alright then i'm signing off now. take care people!

Lonely night

2004-11-23T01:13:00.001+08:00

the night is so quiet.. a surrealistic environment when i opened the windows.. rain oh rain.. where are you??

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Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
click here to listen to the whole album >> American Idiot

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the borderline of the edge

And where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's

Fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive

And I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

i walk alone

i walk a..

I walk this empty street

On the Blvd. of broken dreams

Were the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me

My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find

Till then I'll walk alone..

Only One

2004-11-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

Yellowcard - Only One

click to listen >> Only One

Broken this fragile thing now

And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces

And I've thrown my words all around

But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)

And I give up (I give up)

I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down

And I can't, I can't hold on for too long

Ran my whole life in the ground

And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)

I feel like giving up (like giving up)

I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly

Leave a note for you my only one

And I know you can see right through me

So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you

You are my only, my only one

My only one

You are my only, my only one

Falling

2004-11-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

nothing much to update on. festive season isn't what it use to be anymore. doesn't seem to give me much joy anymore.

i'm fighting the dark shadow in me. i think i'm losing the battle. maybe i'll find an opening, maybe i won't. just let it go.

well now.. i haven't been so active in my blogging. feeling lethargic everyday. that's why. don't know what i've been doing. everyday seems like another day to be wasted. what day is it today?? hmmmm...

anyway i shall be taking a long long break from my current break. so full of thoughts & problems circulating in my mind. what to do? what is right? what is wrong? i don't seem to be able to think clearly, to be myself. becoming a person who fear so much of every consequence intead of enjoying the present moment.

getting a tattoo before the end of this year.

well.. nothing much to say no more. good NIGHT.

2004-11-11T01:55:00.000+08:00

nothing much happen today. had cable installed in my room & helped out my mum bake 2 type of cookies.

had been toying about the idea of having a tattoo covering my entire upper back since my secondary school days. hmmm... i'm really excited about it. hahaha.. probably soon then!

good night & happy holidays.

Chinese Zodiac

2004-11-09T03:13:00.000+08:00

argh.. my sore back has returned to haunt me!! goodness it hurts more than ever.. probably cos i've been sitting infront of my desktop for more than 12 hrs.

i was surfing the web & i found an interesting "fact" about this chinese astrology thingy:

The most compatible match for a MONKEY is a RAT or a DRAGON.

for your information, i'm a born in the year of the rat, my mum is born in the year of the dragon. however i'm not a superstitious dude. hahaha.. why i found this to be interesting? the answer lies with the monkey!

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the RAT and the MONKEY make a fantastic pair! both fun, energetic signs that thrive on parties and other social gatherings, the two simply have a great time together. each of these signs has a bit of an ego, which isn't a bad thing; it may lead to occasional arguments or competitive spirits, but the Rat, for one, enjoys arguing, debates and challenges of all kinds, and the Monkey is a born performer! these two find their clashes almost as fun as their most compatible points.

as lovers these two share a hot connection; they feed and play off one another's energies and are likely to be a "favorite couple" among their friends, who are many. the Rat had best quell any possessive or jealous tendencies, however, as the Monkey has the potential to stray romantically. the Rat, who often seems to be promoting its own agenda, is more likely than many other signs to understand the Monkey's pursuit of its own happiness, so the Monkey's free-spiritedness may not be much of a problem.

as business partners, these two are dynamite. they share a love of power and the Rat's shrewd head for business and money-making are great gifts to the team. the Monkey likes to be in control of things, but the Rat is smart enough to know how to let the Monkey feel like the one in power while the Rat stays busy, working hard toward its own goals on the sly! mostly, though, these two signs' goals are one and the same, so they will find it easy to work together as a team.

The Rat and the Monkey share a compatibility of ten, on a scale of one to ten! wooo hoooo!!!

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hahaha.. should i believe all this hocus-pocus?? the part about me, the Rat, seems quite accurate. not certain about her, the Monkey, though cos i've not had a chance to fully grasp her spirit yet. whatever the case may be i'm still not sure if i should trust the "prediction", but i do believe in making things happen by my own determination & will power.

haha.. take care people, gonna lie down now to rest my aching back.

Linkin Park / Jay-Z - Numb / Encore

2004-11-08T13:19:00.000+08:00

Linkin Park / Jay-Z - Numb / Encore
click to listen >> numb / encore track

click to view >> music video

Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're far too kind

Now can I get an encore, do you want more

Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy

So for one last time I need y'all to roar

Now what the hell are you waitin for

After me, there shall be no more

So for one last time, nigga make some noise

Who you know fresher than Hov'? Riddle me that

The rest of y'all know where I'm lyrically at

Can't none of y'all mirror me back

Yeah hearin me rap is like hearin G. Rap in his prime

I'm, young H.O., rap's Grateful Dead

Back to take over the globe, now break bread

I'm in, Boeing jets, Global Express

Out the country but the blueberry still connect

On the low but the yacht got a triple deck

But when you Young, what the fuck you expect? Yep, yep

Grand openin, grand closin

God your man Hov' cracked the can open again

Who you gon' find doper than him with no penjust draw off inspiration

Soon you gon' see you can't replace him

with cheap imitations for DESE GENERATIONS

Now can I get an encore, do you want more

Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy

So for one last time I need y'all to roar

Now what the hell are you waitin for

After me, there shall be no more

So for one last time, nigga make some noise

(What the hell are you waiting forrrr?)

(sighs) Look what you made me do, look what I made for you

Knew if I paid my dues, how will they pay you

When you first come in the game, they try to play you

Then you drop a couple of hits, look how they wave to you

From Marcy to Madison Square

To the only thing that matters in just a matter of years (yea)

As fate would have it, Jay's status appears

to be at an all-time high, perfect time to say goodbye

When I come back like Jordan, wearin the 4-5

It ain't to play games witchu

It's to aim at you, probably maim you

If I owe you I'm blowin you to smithereeens

Cocksucker take one for your team

And I need you to remember one thing (one thing)

I came, I saw, I conquered

From record sales, to sold out concerts

So muh'fucker if you want this encore

I need you to scream, 'til your lungs get sore

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

I've become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb...

Now can I get an encore, do you want more

I've become so numb...

So for one last time I need y'all to roar

DEATH

2004-11-08T11:00:00.000+08:00

Death is a perfect insult

many people try to be numb to this suffering. In the rush of detail that fills our life, we may find temporary distraction. In the beliefs we hold, we look for consolation. but turning from the reality of love itself, even through distraction or belief, is turning from the only possibility of going beyond our mortal predicament.

somehow, we must receive the "insult" and still grow in love.

there are times when the loss of a loved one brings us face to face with this starkness. then our strategies of distraction & consolation no longer work. we feel again the raw fact that has always been our situation. even the many small endings in our life (& the beginnings as well) remind us that no thing and no one will last, no matter how much we love them.

whatever we believe about death (& what happens after death), its inescapable nature is not in debate. but knowing that death is a universal requirement does not end our predicament - it only pushes our need to understand what life is all about, what its purpose is, to the fore.

Wisdom About Death

the mystery of what it is to be "dead", what part of us (if any) survives, whether reincarnation is true & how it works - these are universal human concerns. such questions contain the seed of wisdom about human nature, our meaning & our purpose.

these questions can move us toward a critically important understanding, one that can & should be the foundation of our lives.

"love is a great knowledge in human intimacies, but it is a terrible knowledge, simultaneously. love moves you beyond the usual insult of mortality, but it takes place in the context of mortality. at the same time that love relieves you, in some respects, of the insult of mortality, it also makes the suffering of mortality more profound."

"so, to love any one is a terrible "problem" - friend, intimate, child, mother, father. to love at all is to be confronted with the terrible nature of mortality."

"the knowledge of death, however it may come to you through life's experience, should become the wisdom of ego-transcending practice - because you understand that death is not any different from all the other limited conditions of existence."

The Heart of Understanding

death is utterly acceptable to consciousness & life. there has been endless time of numberless deaths, but neither consciousness nor life has ceased to arise. the felt quality & cycle to death has not modified the fragility of flowers, even the flowers within the human body.

one must cease to live in a superficial and divided way, seeking & demanding consciousness & life in the present apparent form, avoiding & resisting what appears to be the end of consciousness & life in death.

there is only the constant knowledge & enjoyment of the heart, moment to moment, through the instant of all conditions of appearance and disappearance. of this i am perfectly certain. i am that.

"life is terrible. therefore, people allow themselves to be deluded by the immediate pleasures they receive. they indulge in such delusion as a means of ignoring reality - and they must not do that. the way of real liberation must be fully communicated and fully developed. It is a divine spiritual way. It requires deep breath, and you stay alive only to the point that staying alive is appropriate."

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just felt like typing this out, got some help from a website & i think i talked too much. hahaha.. shall stop now.

Spring Cleaning.

2004-11-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

last night i tried shaving my hair using the new shaver i bought. well.. hahaha.. first time shaving my own hair myself & i accidentally shaved it too short. came quite close to complete baldness! man i look dorky right now. haha.. hopefully it will grow back in time by next week!

didn't know what came over me earlier. i cleaned the whole house without having my mum nagging me to do so! swept the floors, wipe the mirrors, desks, tables, practically everything while my mum was at work. hahaha.. however i didn't mop the floors cos i don't really know how to. =P started in the morning, ended in the late afternoon. was so tired by then.

hmm.. can't find a motivation to write. am not feeling well since yesterday. slight fever. so i'm ending now. blog another day then. take care!

Recovering

2004-11-06T02:32:00.001+08:00

today i had my stitches removed!! i'm able to walk again!! haha.. my right ankle is still feeling numb & sore though. it isn't surprising since i haven't been stepping on that leg for a week now. best of all is that there isn't any infection this time. great! being able to walk again & the first thing i did was.. spring cleaning! duh! cleaned all the windows of my house before i slump to my bed for a nap. very sleepy. i guess tmr i'll be resuming with my fasting. YAY! -_-" bleah.. hahaha..

earlier today i went to Jurong Point with my mum to shop around. hmm.. felt kinda weird cos its been a couple of years since i last went out with my mum for shopping. haha.. bought a shaver. to maintain the botak hair of mine. i guess i'm gonna be botak for a couple of years now. got a mail from the postman today. since i'm coming of age in adulthood. i'm considered eligible to the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA). meaning i'll be "donaing" my organs after my death. DUH! well.. that certainly cancels out my lung for transplantation. infact, i might be the one who needs it. it should be all black by now due to the amount of nicotine i've inhaled. hahaha.. anyway, that reminds me. the recovery of my leg came at the right time. since my cigarette stock is almost up. haha.. BUT but.. i am trying to cut down.. again.. for the umpteen time. haha..

well.. i just reach home now. gonna rest a bit now. haha.. see ya!!

True Feelings?

2004-11-05T01:13:00.000+08:00

it seems to be a long time since i last blog. probably cos i've got too much time & i practically waste every minute by sleeping. i feel so so lazy. actually i did try to blog a couple of time. but halfway thru i got lazy & simply log-out. haha..

man utd won last night against sparta. it was a good performance by them. as a man utd supporter i want them to win the championship of course, but to be realistic i don't think they are good enough to win the cup. after watch the barcelona vs milan match the night before, i've to conclude that barcelona is a very very very good team. ronaldinho, xavi, deco, eto'o & larsson just to name a few. their style of playing was just sensational!

george bush won the election. i'm not very happy with the outcome cos i don't really like bush. he did a lot for the U.S. but personally i think he could do much better. maybe it would be nice to let john kerry to win & prove himself? anyway it had already been decided. bush will be president for 4 more years.

i'd been doing a lot of thinking these few days about my present & future. actually i used to think about it when i'm free & had nothing better to do. however this time around it felt a bit more serious. i used to be happy-go-lucky person but as i grow up i'm finding it harder to keep that persona of mine. everything seems to serious nowadays & i accept it. i know its gonna be hard. hmmm.. lets just leave it to the future. =)

that's it, i'm gonna end now. starting to feel lazy! hahaha.. good night y'all.

2004-10-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

Pug Jelly - Come Home Soon

click to listen >> music video

It's been two days and I'm missin' you already
Never really thought you could mean
So much in such a little time

Think about the nights when I'm lyin' in your bed
With my chest resting your head
Now that you're gone I'm here to stay

I think I'm fallin' down. Down down down
With a bad case of love. Love love love
I think I'm falling for you. You you you
I think, I'm falling in love

When you come back all I wanna do is hold you
Have a blast even though there's nothing to do
Hold you close and look you in the eyes

So just come back and I'll tell you how I feel
Never knew how easy you could steal
My heart I miss you come home soon

I think I'm fallin' down. Down down down

With a bad case of love. Love love love

I think I'm falling for you. You you you

I think, I'm falling in love

I think, I'm fallin' in love
I think, I'm fallin' in love

Cause I know that you won't be home when I call you
You're in England now, I hope that you'll be home soon
Cause I know that you won't be there when I call you, NOW

I think I'm fallin' down. Down down down

With a bad case of love. Love love love

I think I'm falling for you. You you you

I think, I'm falling in love

I think, I'm fallin' in love(slow)
I think, I'm fallin' in love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

lolz.. its pretty close. pug jelly is a local band. hmmm.. 2 aussie & a jap. i didn't know about that. well.. actually i knew, just wasn't certain. its quite nice though, the song i meant. haha..

my ankle is feeling better by the day. i can bend over now. so i tried removing the bandage yesterday & clean my foot. then i bandage it back cos i fear i might knock my ankle against something. i'm quite a klutz. haha.. the bandage acts as somesort of protection. =P

take care peepz & sweetie. peace out!

ELATED!!

2004-10-30T01:23:00.000+08:00

i've just chatted with my dear!! i was lying down when she message. rushed to my keyboard & accidentally hit the table with my wounded ankle! agony!! but chatting with her really soothes the pain! oh gosh! love ya lots dear! i'm the happiest guy in the world!! happy happy happy!! lolz.. hahahaha.. she's still doing her assignment, carrying out experiments. didn't get any sleep though. i wished everything goes well so that she could get some rest. *hugs hugs*

the last time i slept, i had a dream. a wonderful dream. we were by the beach, hanging out by each other's arms enjoying the relaxing scenery of the sunset with breeze of winds coming from the sea. ahhh.. it was enjoyable. the dream might be simple but it seems as though time had stopped & there was just the two of us. then.. i woke up. shoot! i grumbled & grumbled. trying my best to fall asleep again. unfortunately i can't cos i'd been asleep for 12 hours. =(

i'm gonna sleep now. hopefully i'll be able to continue with the same dream! hahaha.. sweet dreams everyone & take care! especially to my dear. *muacks* take good care of yourself!!

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Stacie Orrico - I Promise

Will I always be there for you?

When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?

Will I do all my best to, to protect you?

When the tears get near your eyes

Will I be the one that's by your side?

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?

Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?

I promise, I promise

I promise I will

Will I take tender tender care of you?

Take your darkest night and make it bright for you

Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?

When this world has turned so cold

Will I be the one that's there to hold?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?

Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?

I promise, I promise

I promise I will

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?

Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?

I promise, I promise

I promise I will

Yeah

And I love you more every day

And nothing will take that love away

When you need someone

I promise I'll be there for you (there for you)

I promise

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?

Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?

I promise, I promise

I promise I will

And I promise (and I promise)

I promise (oh I promise you)

I will be there when you call me (when you call me)

I promise (I promise)

I promise I will

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kinda a lot of promises huh?? i guess i'll just have to do my best. haha.. alright dear? *HUGS*

Second day of recovery

2004-10-29T22:24:00.000+08:00

recovering quite well. it wasn't as painful as the last i think. can't remember. infact, the wound doesn't hurt at all. perhaps its the work of the painkillers. thank you so much to the person who came up with it. haha.. however both my legs are sore. left leg for hopping around the house. & the right leg for being "afloat" the whole day. well.. my whole body is sore, for staying in bed for too long with the same exact postition. it was so uncomfortable.. haha.. wished it will healed up soon!

i think i forgot to mention that the nurses yesterday were especially "nice" towards me. they were like smiling & smiling whenever they walked passed my bed. some chatted with me, but i just wanted to rest. no choice but to entertain them. well.. maybe cos the other patients were ah peks! lolz.. that's why they were attentive towards me. hahahaha... whatever.

its weird but i kinda like staying at the hospital. actually i wanted to be warded but my mum wanted me to be at home. living at the hospital is very very peaceful plus there are nurses around the clock to attend to my needs. hahaha.. it is a bit boring though but there isn't much different with my current situation.

anyway i'm gonna stop now. my legs are cramping up on me. better get more sleep dear. you'll fall sick if you don't give your body a chance to rest once in a while. *hugs hugs*

Back from Surgery

2004-10-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

the operation went well. the whole procedure was quick, it took about half an hour. i was discharged by lunchtime. as i had predicted, the injection was the most painful part. the surgeon jabbed me around 10 - 15 times with the needle!! argh...!!! then i kinda chatted with the surgeon. i asked.. "are you done yet with the injection already?". he replied.. "... injection over. your ankle had already been sliced open." at this point, i was like whoa... that was fast! wanted to look at it, but they placed sheets of cloth to block my view. then i could feel the screws being unscrewed. it wasn't painful but as he unscrews it, it kinda hits the nerves. lastly the stitch, though my ankle was numb all over, i could still feel the needle piercing thru my skin. hahaha... gross but cool!!

i reached early. i was the first patient. i went in alone while my mum heads home. i was surrounded by nurses, 10 at least. however.. only a couple was wort taking a second look. hahaha.. but i wished i was being attended to by my dear carissa. haha.. oh well..

this was taken before my operation. see the circle that i've highlighted? that's the caused of the infection, blame it all to my impatience.. should have waited for it to heal up before i started walking. causing the stitch to burst open. hahaha..

these metals here are the implants that was a part of me for a year & a half. interestingly, it looked much smaller than the ones shown on the x-ray. plus! i've got to keep it!! hahaha.. thinking about framing them up! well.. hmmm.. hahaha...

my ankle is all bandaged up yet again.. well well.. isn't this familiar. got a feeling of de ja vu. haha.. wished i could open it up & let all of you see the wound. but i can hardly bend over without sending painful pulses to it. some other day then.

The moment finally comes.

2004-10-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

gonna have my operation later, i'm kinda scared but its probably nothing. it will soon pass. however i reckon that its gonna be a much more painful experience than the previous surgery. mainly cos of the injection. the procedure is pretty much the same as removing my wisdom tooth. the wisdom tooth took just 2 shot of injection. hmmm.. i wonder how much more i'll be receiving for my ankle? the thought of having my ankle sliced open right before my eyes is just gruesome as i'll still be able to feel the doctor tugging the flesh. hahaha.. but its cool! it would be awesome if i could bring back the metal plate & the screws, but i don't think there's any such possiblity. oh well.. too bad then.

i went out earlier to treat myself before the operation. i bought something worth.. 119 bucks i think? hmm.. not too sure.. haha. however the thing that i really really wanted is just priceless. which is love. if i could obtain that then it would just be heaven. i'm willing to risk any pain or absolutely anything withing my capability for that matter. i hope the operation would be life threatening, it would be great!. hahaha.. just kidding. =P

anyway i need to get some rest now. getting kinda sleepy. good night people & have a nice day dear. take care of yourself. =)

Operation Ankle

2004-10-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

went to the hospital earlier for check-up on my ankle. everything is fine so the surgery will be held this coming thursday. its gonna be touch-n-go operation, meaning i'll be "reporting" at 9am, i'll be awake throughout the whole procedure. they are gonna inject the stuff around my ankle, i forgot what it is called, cut my ankle open, unscrew the screws & remove the metal plate. i'll probably be discharge in the afternoon. i'm hoping for a fast recovery.

me & my mum went to geylang to shop around for clothes & other accessories after the visit to the hospital. i was feeling grumpy due to the lack of sleep so i went home first. hahaha.. i bought a light purple "baju kurung", a malay traditional clothing. its wasn't very nice i think, but i don't give a damn cos it was hard to find a nice pair plus it was drizzling plus i was having a major headache plus the lack of sleep. hahaha..

my dear just started on her assignment so she'll be busy. she still wanna chat with me in ICQ but i would rather want her to get more sleep. *hugs hugs* love ya dear. take care.

Brrrr...

2004-10-24T01:51:00.000+08:00

i blogged earlier that i like rainy days. well, the only setback is the temperature. i woke up at 10 earlier. as usual i missed the time set for breaking fast. amazingly i wasn't feeling hungry, but i did felt like smoking. then i realised that there was only a stick left in the box. argh! no way i could stand the entire night without a puff. so i washed my face & went out. brrrrr..... it was damn cold! i was shivering as i walk. even more so when i was inside 7-11, the queue was long. heck! hahaha.. then i rushed back to my house & went under my blanket. so warm & cos.. ahhh... lolz..

today i had a bad day. my left eye was very sore, as though someone had puched it. the pain wasn't the problem, its just that the tingling feeling was rather distracting when i was watching tv. haha.. i also had tummy ache thru-out the whole day. hmm.. maybe it was something i ate? or maybe i caught the cholera disease! *gasp* alright alright.. my dear would probably be asking me to touch wood again. lolz.. *touchwood touchwood* hahaha..

i am so bored... i wished time would skip so that i can chat with my dear in ICQ again..

2004-10-23T17:21:00.000+08:00

why do i always think that i'm better off being dead?

Rainy Days..

2004-10-22T11:58:00.000+08:00

its been raining everyday right now. oh man how i love it! especially at night. the air is so fresh, tranquil surrounding. it just relaxes me, makes me at ease with my thoughts. everything is so peaceful. hahaha..

its weird how a person reacts to its feelings. when feeling down everything seems negative. but when a person is happy, life is just great! perhaps this what the human heart does. to overcome it, self-discipline, maturity & experienced solves the problem.

however, life without its ups & downs is just redundant. without its sadness & difficlties, we would never be thankful for the happiness that is bestowed upon us. giving us the opportunity to cherish the happiness. frankly speaking, life full of happiness is rather boring. although i've been wishing for happiness almost everyday in my life. haha.. it is complicating. it just goes to show that life isn't to be taken for granted cos we would never known what will happen with our fate in the future. that's why i'm talking in circles! repeating myself. better stop now. lolz..

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Distant Heartbeat

Knowing that you are so far away

I hug the air around me tight

In my mind dreaming it's you

I opened my heart as I opened my mouth

To kiss your sweet red lips

Sometimes I breathe deep

In hopes of catching your scent

Sometimes I can my love

Sometimes I smell your hair

The same as sometimes I hear your laugh

Though they are but echoes fading

Fading into the darkness of my mind

Still they boom and echo

Deep within a hollow heart

Filling it with love that few have felt

Though many have dreamt

I belong to you love

As you belong to me

But until the next time I hold you

Until the next time I kiss you

Until the next time I'm with you

When I need you, I'll close my eyes

And hold you tight

Tight, Tight Tighter

Until I can feel your heartbeat in my hands

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just a little poetry i conjured up during my free time.

BORED......

2004-10-20T11:59:00.000+08:00

nothing much to blog about.

my favourite mug cracked earlier this week. sigh.. missed it so much. late nights have not been the same without it. hot coffees & milos tasted different. the amount just ain't balanced.

i'm feeling disturbed. i just wished to skip this depressing phase. move on to happiness & towards death eventually. i wonder how long it will take to reach my final destination. this sucks big time..

I'M SO BORED!!!!!

2004-10-18T01:59:00.000+08:00

last night i made a mistake. out of boredom i browse thru my past. i'm having conflicting feelings right now. but i still believe i'm moving on. the past is so hard to let go. nonetheless its just my history now...

Blissful..

2004-10-17T02:23:00.000+08:00

feeling great. everything is settling in nicely. aaaahhh.. how great is the feeling. its been a long long time. slowly but surely (i hope) i'm regaining my joyful self again. but this time, i'm more matured & steady. i'm not gonna ask for too much. just wanna be happy & treasuring every minute. gonna try to be postive & curbing up my bad-tempered nature.

fasting has been swell of a time. no problem at all. haha.. unlike my younger & cuter days. complaining every minute, getting the nerves of my mum. difficulty in waking up early for the morning meal, grumbling & knocking on chairs & tables. falling asleep during my meal on the plate! hahahaha..

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"I LOVE YOU!" in different languages.

Afrikaans - Ek is lief vir jou!
Albanian - Te dua!
Amharic - Afekrishalehou!
Arabic - Ohiboke!
Armenian - Yes kez si'rumem!
Basque - Maite zaitut!
Bengali - Ami tomake bahlobashi!
Bosnian - Volim te!
Bulgarian - Obicham te!
Catalan - T'estimo!
Creole - Mi aime jou!
Croatian - Volim te!
Czech - Miluji tev!
Danish - Jeg elsker dig!
Dutch - Ik hou van je!
English - I love you!
Esperanto - Mi amas vin!
Estonian - Mina armastan sind!
Farsi - Tora dost daram!
Filipino - Iniibig kita!
Finnish - (Mä) rakastan sua!
French - Je t'aime!
Frisian - Ik hald fan dei!
Galician - Querote!
German - Ich liebe dich!
Greek - S'ayapo!
Gujarati - Hoon tane pyar karoochhoon! tane chaahuN chhuN!
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia 'oe!
Hebrew - Anee ohev otakh!
Hindi - Mai tumase pyar karata hun!
Hungarian - Szeretlek!
Icelandic - Eg elska thig!
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu!
Irish - t'a gr'a agam dhuit!
Italian - Ti amo!
Japanese - Kimi o ai shiteru!
Korean - Dangsinul saranghee yo!
Latin - Te amo!
Latvian - Es tevi milu!
Lithuanian - As tave myliu!
Malaysian - Saya cintamu!
Mandarin - Wo ai ni!
Marshallese - Yokwe Yuk!
Norwegian - Jeg elsker deg!
Polish - Kocham ciebie!
Portuguese - Eu te amo!
Romanian - Te iubesc!
Russian - Ya tyebya lyublyu!
Sanskrit - twayi snihyaami
Serbian - Volim te!
Sesotho - Kiyahurata!
Slovak - Lubim ta!
Slovenian - Ljubim te!
Spanish - Te amo!
Swahili - Nakupenda!
Swedish - Jag älskar dig!
Tagalog - Mahal kita!
Thai - Phom rug khun
Turkish - Seni seviyorum!
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kokhayu!
Urdu - Main tumse muhabbat karta hoon!
Vietnamese - Anh yeu em!
Welsh - Rwy'n dy garu di!
Yiddish - Kh'hob dikh lib!
Zulu - Ngiyakuthanda!

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lolz... nothing better to do! hahaha.. good night peepz!

Feels good...

2004-10-15T02:53:00.000+08:00

This song sums up the concealed emotion in me. finally i've moved on.. cheerios amigos.. *winks* LOLZ...

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Dreamz FM - Should I Stay

Had a drive

Driven by your love

But when you messed around

I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed

Needed someone true

But you changed your mind

Or had I failed you?

Wish you'd been

Careful with my heart

But you tore it apart

And broke an angel's heart

The kiss was true

Has to end somehow

But I am livin' proof of what love is about

It's hard holding you

Loving you, losing you

It's sad to be true

And be fooled by you

I don't know (I don't know)

I gotta know

Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on

Played me like a clown

But I feel for you

Eventhough I'm down

My heart is heavy

Heavy like a rock

But I am so amused

You're still in my thoughts

It's hard holding you

Loving you, losing you

It's sad to be true

And be fooled by you

I don't know (I don't know)

I gotta know

Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh... should I stay?

Should I go?

It's hard holding you

Loving you, losing you

It's sad to be true

And be fooled by you

I don't know (I don't know)

I wanna know

Should I stay or should I...?

This time its done

It'll never feel the same

But we had some good times

Guess it's sad just the same

I guess the truth

Doesn't matter somehow

But you were livin' proof of what love is about...

Facts of Life

2004-10-14T03:31:00.000+08:00

i've just learnt some sad & hard truths. it really hurt me hard. couldn''t bring myself to accept it. sigh.. i'm more confused than ever. maybe i shouldn't be too hard on her. cos right now i'm full of guilt. its a really terrible feeling. i think right now i needed to have a nice chat with someone dear to me whom i can relate to. someone who knows the situation. sigh.. i'm feeling darn miserable tonight.

anyway England won by a goal from Micheal Owen. i ought to be happy but the result have no effect on me whatsoever. sigh..

life isn't great. what life has given to us, deal it in the best way that we can. compared to others who have a 'rich' life, life would suck a million times over. but compared to others who have worse fate than us, we would have to be thankful that we didn't have to go through the same fate. my life & fate can be found in between the highest & lowest. so i'm just living it the best way i can. however i hope that i can ease the harsh fate that life has given to people whom i cares for.

i'm learning about life as i grow. every now & then i stumble upon new & shocking stuffs about life. sigh.. i'm too miserable to carry on..

2004-10-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

i feel especially relaxed today. probably cos i scored 79 for my test. lolz.. from now on i won't have anything to do with Ngee Ann Poly & i don't have to step into the school ever again. except for sending my laptop for repairs & the graduation ceremony which i don't think i'll be going. now i'll just have to look forward. next up, NS & then getting a job or furthering studies. if i happen to get a good job with good salary. then most probably i'll be sticking to that job, if not then pursuing for a degree or something like that.

hmmm.. i know that drinking & smoking is extremely bad for the health. i should probably quit it. however these are the two things that keeps me company constantly. i'll be lost without it. sigh.. anyway the fasting month is starting in 2 days time & i'll be trying to stop the alcohol & nicotine intake. i don't think i'll still be consuming these stuffs after i've settled down. 'if' there's a chance that i find someone that is truly special, i'll most likely quit it cos family comes first. but me finding someone special? i'm not too sure about that.. oh well..

everyday i'm missing someone (girls). 3 to be exact. i'm trying hard to forget 2 of them as one of them hurt me real bad inside while the other.. hmm.. i just don't know what i should do with her. as for the third one , i'm not sure whether i should be having these thought about her in the first place. we share a good relationship & i don't wanna ruin that, but on the other hand i'm developing these feelings for her. what should i do? headache headache.. sigh..

coming up next is the World Cup European Qualifier. England vs. "a country i've never heard of".. lolz.. i'll be stopping here for today. so long!

Record Breaker

2004-10-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

today i broke my record. i smoked 40 sticks of Marlboro cigarettes & 10 cans of Baron in a day! lolz..

i'm a bit drunk right now, so i won't be typing much. good night!

2004-10-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

anyway i've bought 6-packs of BARONS. anyone willing to join me? if not then i'll probably finish it all to myself! lolz.. =/

Love. YES or NO?

2004-10-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

should or shouldn't i love? hmmm.. is there anyone whom i should love? is there anyone who love me? hmmm.. is love really important? i didn't used to think so it was until i experienced the full blast. i was just wondering these few days. should i pursue the love or should i just leave it be? i just can't find the answer. maybe i'm just too timid or maybe my subconcious is avoiding it. hmmm.. a new love? willing to find the answer to my question?

nothing much happen today, just went to school for the test. that's all.. i shall stop blogging now. gonna think about love. so long.

White Chicks

2004-10-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. nothing much, caught "White Chicks" yesterday with my friends. it was funny & disgusting at the same time. it was just gross looking at the two guys. yucks! but overall, the show was not bad. =)

tomorrow i'll be having my last test. finally. after tommorow i'm gonna declare myself free from ngee ann poly with a couple jugs of booze. but i'll have to cramp it all tonight first. should be easy. haha.. so long!

2004-10-09T01:01:00.000+08:00

NEW LOVE?

Fragility of life

2004-10-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

life is as fragile as a new born baby. it can be ended in a matter of seconds. there are an infinite methods of end one's life. i've thought of it on a few occassions, stepped over the boundary between life & death. i'm still alive & blogging, so meaning i've chosen life? do we live for others or for ourselves? most people live for others; for example families, close friends or even animals. the few who live for theselves.. well.. i'm not too sure cos i've never experience that. i just can't apprehend it. what's the purpose? isn't it just selfish to live with that concept? i'm struggling with life as there's barely any joy in it. i'm just waiting for a reason. a reason to live. hope it appears soon. hopefully.

DEFINITIONS OF LIFE

a : the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body b : a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings c : an organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction
a : the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual b : one or more aspects of the process of living [sex life of the frog]
BIOGRAPHY
spiritual existence transcending physical death
a : the period from birth to death b : a specific phase of earthly existence [adult life] c : the period from an event until death [a judge appointed for life] d : a sentence of imprisonment for the remainder of a convict's life
a way or manner of living
LIVELIHOOD
a vital or living being; specifically : PERSON [many lives were lost in the disaster]
an animating and shaping force or principle
SPIRIT, ANIMATION
the form or pattern of something existing in reality
the period of duration, usefulness, or popularity of something [the expected life of flashlight batteries]
the period of existence (as of a subatomic particle)
a property (as resilience or elasticity) of an inanimate substance or object resembling the animate quality of a living being
living beings (as of a particular kind or environment) [forest life]
a : human activities b : animate activity and movement [stirrings of life] c : the activities of a given sphere, area, or time [the political life of the country]
one providing interest and vigor [life of the party]
an opportunity for continued viability [gave the patient a new life]
capitalized, Christian Science : GOD
something resembling animate life [a grant saved the project's life]

Hopeless

2004-10-05T11:55:00.000+08:00

the labtest was unexpectedly easy. so easy that got over confident. with much time left in my hand, i thought i'm almost done with test with the last question. i was far ahead compared to my labmates. so i wasted time. STUPID. with 10 minutes left, i finally realised there was another page at the back. argh.. i could have gotten the full score but my stupidity cost me my grades. argh, forget it. this is probably the last module i'll be taking. next coming monday i'll be having my theory test. the last test paper of ngee ann poly. music to my ears..

eveytime i thought i've moved on. it just keeps drawing back again. all those memories occupies my dream. how can i move on like this? how can i prevent myself from dreaming? daytime, i try ever so hard to find something to do just to prevent my thoughts from wondering aimlessly. night time, still trying to occupy my mind until i drop dead into the arms of mr sandman. i'm probably the most sensitive guy in this lifetime. hopeless & very much without a purpose in life.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Death is nothing but a moment's rest

Until the Second Coming of the Lord

When He shall gather to Him of the best

To take them to the place of their reward.

I've felt the power of God in my soul

Shining like a golden sun within,

Melting my hard heart to make me whole,

Burning out the remnants of my sin.

I've felt Him work within me, so I know

The glory that will come when I awake.

I'll sleep just like a child who'll homeward go,

And in my dreams of love great pleasure take.

So do not mourn my death, and do not grieve.

The Lord will come for me: This I believe.

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so long everyone.. good bye..

Graveyard

2004-10-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went over to jln bahar cemetry to visit my dad with my mum.. its been a long time. it was a routine for us to visit him before the start of the fasting month. i missed going there although i hated the bugs there. cockroach, spiders, colonies of termites, big flying bugs.. hmmm.. i wonder how i'm gonna survive the jungle training in NS... anyway loads of weeds had grown since our last visit. so i had to pull it all out. that morning was especially hot & humid & i was sweating profusely. i think we stayed there for about half an hour. then we visit my grandmum's grave. there wasn't much cleaning to be done cos my other relatives visit her frequently. i just utter some prayers for her. however i really hated the big banana tree that is rooted next to her grave. i wonder how it got there in the first place. i felt so eeky went i reached home, felt so sticky so i bathed again. this was very very rare for me cos i don't bathe so often.. hehe.. watched some cartoons on tv before i head to bed. i'm a boring guy. sigh..

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"But those who believe and do good deeds, We will admit them to gardens (Paradise) in which rivers flow, lasting in them forever..."

Life involves preparing the soul to become worthy to pass through death, which is a transition, and progress to eternity in Paradise

"If you could but see when they are set before the Fire (Hell) and say: ‘Would that we might return (to the world)! Then we would not reject the verses of our Lord, but we would be of the believers!"

Just as Paradise is a place of delight, Hell is a place of eternal torment.

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i'll be having my labtest tmr. finally! another theory test & i don't have to step into NP again! i haven't studied for it yet cos i'm lazy.. hehe.. anyway i just got back from my friend's house. i borrowed his laptop for tmr's labtest. my bloody laptop is down. the whole screen turns blue whenever i switched it on, i guess its feeling blue, lolz..

gonna read thru a bit now.. take care peepz...

Velvet Revolver

2004-09-30T01:18:00.000+08:00

this song is somewhat meaningful to me in a way...

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Velvet Revolver - Loving the Alien

Sometimes I think I'm scared

Sometimes I know
I feel like making love Sometimes I don't
I feel like letting go Maybe not
I feel like giving up
Is all we got

Sometimes is all the time

And never means maybe

Sometimes is all the time
Maybe

And I'm moving on
And I'm moving on
(Sometimes I feel alone)

And I'm moving on
And I'm moving on

Sometimes I make believe

When we're alone

Machines have taken hold

Can you get me to a telephone

It's just the little things

You used to see

Am I still that man who makes you who you want to be

I never noticed

How lovely were the aliens

Lovely were the aliens

I never noticed

Lovely were the aliens

click the link below to visit their official website

NEW devil boy!!

2004-09-29T07:55:00.000+08:00

man utd is back! woo hoo.. it was a really great performance although there were a few defects in defence but a 6-2 scoreline is really unbelievable for a team that had been struggling in their domestic league. the debut of man utd's latest signing was sensational! wayne rooney scored a hat-trick.. lolz.. i'm over the moon! especially happy that most of the senior players weren't in the line-up. the future is there for man utd. hehe..

Man Utd 6

Ryan Giggs - 7 mins

Wayne Rooney - 17, 28, 54 mins

Ruud van Nistelrooy - 78 mins

David Bellion - 81mins

Fenerbahce 2

Ferreira Marcio Nobre - 47 mins

Tuncay Sanli - 60 mins

2004-09-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

the reason why i hadn't been blogging these few days was that i'm either too sleepy, too drunk, too busy, or too lazy.. haha

went to my cousin's new house last saturday.. it was alright i supposed. played with my little cousins, hmm.. not really little, one was 8 years of age and the other was probably around 4-5 i think.. haha.. the older one was a girl & boy! does she talks alot! she went on & on & i wasn't even listening to her. hahaha.. well little girls are cute! i prefer them than boys.. not sure why though.. haha..

on the same day my secondary school friends asked me out. it had been a long time since i saw those guys as they are currently serving NS. we talked alot about life in NS but most of the time i don't know what the heck they are talking about!! haha.. i guess i'll just have to experience it myself.. can't wait!!

gotta run out to buy my smokes now before it gets too late.. hehe.. bye!

Red Hot Chili Peppers

2004-09-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

i've just tuned in to the 'Red Hot Chili Peppers - Live From Slane Castle' right now as i blog. this is a band which is universal in the music industry/language. they are as red hot as their name appears & without a single doubt that they in my list of top bands of all time.

earlier i was just wondering what i should do with my life currently. mostly about the future. anyways i'm just hoping to get into NS soon & be drained of all energy at the end of each day so that i wouldn't occupy my mind with senseless stuffs.

jeez.. i'd blogged so much today.. oh well.. good night guys & ciaoz!

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Embrace - Gravity

click to listen >> [Lo] [Hi]

Honey, It's been a long time coming

And I can't stop now

Such a long time running

And I can't stop now

Do you hear my heart beating

Can you hear that sound

Coz I can't stop thinking

And I don't look down

And then I looked up at the sun

And I could see

Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me

And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun

And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone

Baby, It's been a long time waiting

Such a long, long time

And I can't stop smiling

No I can't stop now

And do you hear my heart beating

Ah can you hear that sound

Coz I can't help crying

And I won't look down

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see

Oh the way that gravity turns on you and me

And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky

And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I

Can you hear my heart beating

Can you hear that sound

Coz I can't help crying

And I wont look down

Reality Check

2004-09-24T18:11:00.000+08:00

it feels as though i've just woken up from a never-ending nightmare.. laying down on a my deathbed, bound by some invisble force. not able to get free. it seems as though time has slowed down on me.. it might have actually stop at some point...

life is hard when it is heading down a pitfall.. we could never predict it in time to avoid it. but we would eventually get out of it; something that involves luck & a helping hand. well.. i'm still waiting for that to happen. as for right now, i'll just have to deal with the ugly side of life on my own. a strong mind & will power would probably help.. but do i have any? hmm.. time will tell..

In Mother Nature, the energy spent by real Irises to attract pollinators is impressive. Wonderful colors and details attract and assist nectar-seeking guests. While there isn't a biological imperative for the Iris Nebula shown here - its color and detail certainly does invite anyone that searches the heavens to stop and take in this delicate vista.

Babe-licious

2004-09-24T14:21:00.000+08:00

Babe-licious - (Hot babe + Delicious)

Its just amazing how two siblings can be so different. one is a typical dumb-blonde who is also a klutz. the other is just simply hot!! lolz..

>> more pics of Ashlee Simpson